The Other Side of Why

Sharon Jaynes Confidence in Christ, Identity in Christ, Take Hold of the Faith You Long For, When You Don't Like Your Story 42 Comments

2020 and beyond has been filled with the question “why”? So let’s go there today. I’m sharing over a Proverbs 31 Ministries today and I thought this might encourage you today too.

Many years ago, my son, Steven, and I sat on the floor in his room playing a card game. This summer was proving to be the best ever. Our golden retriever, Ginger, had just delivered seven adorable puppies, Steven was enjoying his sixth summer of life, and after four years of negative pregnancy tests, God had surprised us with a new life growing inside my womb.

But as Steven and I sat cross-legged on the carpet, I felt a warm, sticky sensation run down my leg. A trip to the bathroom confirmed my greatest fears.  Later that afternoon, the doctor voiced the weighty words, “There is no heartbeat.”

What do you do when heartbreak slams into joy? When your soul cracks open and there just aren’t enough tears? When hurt steals your hope and you want to give up on life? When deep soul lesions make a mockery of your faith?

I wish I could tell you I left the doctor’s office quoting Romans 8:28 about how “all things work together for good” (ESV). I wish I could tell you that I calmly accepted the loss of my baby with faith, trusting that even this was somehow part of God’s plan. I wish I could tell you I spent the rest of the day singing “It Is Well with My Soul.” But I didn’t do any of those things.

I went home, crawled in bed, and pulled the covers up over my empty womb and broken heart. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially God. And what I did say to him wasn’t very nice.

How could you do this to me? If this is how you treat those you love, then just forget it! You answered my prayer only to take it back! Why me? Why this? Why now?

Job was a man in the Bible who also had a lot of questions for God. In one day, his enemies killed all but a handful of his servants and stole all eleven thousand heads of livestock. Then a strong wind collapsed his son’s house and killed all ten of Job’s children. We read the story of Job already knowing how it is going to end—the Lord not only restored what Job had lost, but “gave him twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10).

But can you imagine what it was like to live through it in real time? Job was stuck in a bad story and he saw no end in sight. He had no idea why it was happening. He didn’t know God would give him twice as much as he had before. All he knew was loss, disappointment, and pain. That might be where you are right now, stuck in a story you don’t like. But hang on, God’s pen has not slipped. He’s still in control. There’s more to come.

My favorite line in Job’s story comes at the very end. Job says to God, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5). That is my prayer in every difficult circumstance of life. I don’t want to simply hear about God; I want to see God and have communion with him in the midst of it.

Sometimes we have to let go of our plans to take hold of God’s purpose…and it’s always good. A houseful of children was not how my chapter of infertility and the loss of a child ended, but I can still say it had a good ending. God has made me fertile in so many other areas, and I wouldn’t change a thing. And when women come to me trying to make sense of the disappointments in their lives, I can say, “Come, sit with me. Let me tell you a story.”

And I know He can do that for you.

Lord, there are some parts of my story that still ache, and perhaps that ache will never go completely away. However, I know that you can use ever tear to water the seeds of hope in someone else’s life. I release my pain to You, and wait open handed for Your purpose on how to use my story to help someone else. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What is one difficult chapter in your life that you feel God is calling you to share with others? Leave a comment and let’s chat.

Everyone likes a good story, but not everyone likes their own story. Let 2021 be the year that you turn your worst chapters into your greatest victories. Check out my book, When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories and join me for an Online Bible study starting this week.

 

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Comments 42

  1. My daughter has bipolar disorder. Before she took ownership of it and stayed on medication we lived in turmoil. I have had countless opportunities to share how God intervened and restored her life. Nothing is ever wasted. God uses every situation to bring glory to His name.

    1. Thank you for sharing this and providing a ray of hope in a difficult season. Yours was the first comment I read and spoke directly to our situation.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m in the midst of separation and eventual divorce from third husband, who all turned out to be porn and sex addicts and unfaithful and the last one a narcissist too, with whom I had my only pregnancies, one miscarriage at 39 and my only living child, who is 15 and lives between our two worlds. I’m trying to totalling surrender to God’s Will, plan and purpose for my life. I know that He will use all the suffering I have endured and struggled through for His Glory and purpose. Right now I’m just trying to breathe and conceive a new life. Lost my job as nanny and my housing due to CoVid shutdowns and new regulations.

    1. I feel for you. I had been in a narcissistic relationship , too and just healing & recovering. I understand your struggle. I hope God will hear out cries and prayers. Only our relationship with God now will what can give us peace.

      1. My adult son has AUTISM and lashes out at seemingly the smallest words. I am at a loss as to how to speak or treat him. He seems always angry at me and that hurts. Each conversation ends with unkind words. He’s now 25 and I’ve dealt with this his whole life. His father never tried to help which ended in divorce. I know God has His hand on us but will it ever stop…will I ever get right? Will I ever remarry?

    2. Praying for u my dear. Don’t give up cry ask God why question your Father but keep going n I will keep praying for you

      1. I enjoyed reading your post, as well as reading everyone’s comments here. I found your website by completing your 7-day reading plan on YouVersion-the Bible App., “Enough: Silence the Lies that steal your confidence.” I look forward to checking out your other devotions.
        In regards to my difficult chapters, well, like many of you I could write a book here. My current difficult chapter is that I took a job out of state because I am finally nearing an empty nest (after about 18 years as a single mom) and have always thought I wanted to move and see other sites! Now, amidst COVID and a national winter storm, I’m rethinking that decision, and just want to be closest to my loved ones. I have been a counselor professionally for over 20 years, and in recent years have reached my burn out. I know it’s my calling because I’m drawn to those jobs of helping others, but I find myself in a standstill, questioning my next step. I have worked out of necessity to supporting myself and my children and now, I yearn to be financially and emotionally independent! I haven’t ever felt that.
        I appreciate the quote, “Sometimes we have to let go of our plans to take hold of God’s purpose.” This has been my life’s theme! 💕

    3. I hear your pain. You might also listen to Leslie Vernick who has a strong Christian perspective specifically geared to your issues. I thank God for Sharon & am praying for you.

  3. HI Sharon, I have many parts to my story that have been painful. Yet I can honestly see how God worked through them all. I lost my best friend suddenly to an embolism. God brought her widower and I together in a beautiful love story, but we watched their 16 year old son turn from God in grief and anger. It was so painful. I had 4 miscarriages, but God finally gave me one beautiful daughter to cherish here on earth. Although I would have enjoyed a houseful and still ache for my babies, I can see God using this pain. We had a house fire and lost every possession we have on earth, but my husband, daughter (3 at the time) and I all got out alive. Through the tragedy God expanded our ministry. My husband lost his mother, brother and 26 year old son in a motorcycle accident all in 6 months, while I had to to say good bye to my father through a sudden and unexpected heart attack, as well. We were all set for a nice quiet year, when my husband’s retina tore and we needed 2 emergency procedures, but thankfully they saved his eye. My sister has undergone a very painful divorce this year, and many prayers and help are needed to get her through Covid as she needed a job, lawyer, house, car, etc to start a new journey. Just last week, while I was planning the funeral of a dear friend, the doctors discovered cancer on my kidney and I am facing surgery and recovery in a few weeks. Although this all seems like a roller coaster. God has been very real and MORE THAN ENOUGH to meet each cry of our hearts. I am looking forward to your new book. Because of our journey, my husband and I were able to start a grief group, and work at our community pregnancy center to help others who need hope. I have used your books and materials to encourage many in Bible studies and I love to give them away as gifts. Thank you for your sensitive heart and willingness to let God redeem your pain. God bless you! Christi

  4. Hi Sharon,
    On December 28, 2020, my brother was killed in a head-on collision when the other driver crossed into his lane. My father, my sister, and I were devastated! To make matters worse, our brother was involved in a very contentious divorce that practically bankrupted him, and kept him from his two children. But Dave was finally getting his life back on track. He got a new job that he really found fulfilling and rewarding, he was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with regards to the alimony he had to pay out, he was rebuilding his relationship with his two children, AND he found a woman who shared his values and beliefs; he was even looking at engagement rings! Life was looking bright again, but then God wrenched him from us, and I’m having a really hard time wrapping my head around the “why” of it all.

  5. Hi Sister Sharon,
    I hope you are doing well today.
    I read your story before and today i see it again. Thank you for sharing it. Your story is encouraging because you didn’t quit on yourself or our Lord.
    You Sharon are such and encouragement to do many. I had failures hurts and so many disappointments but i cried to the Lord and He has healed me too.
    God bless you my sister Sharon. Stay a strong and humble servant.
    Sincerely,
    Addie Manley

  6. I had been through a difficult divorce when a very kind man entered my life. At 60 I thought I’d found the man I’d spend the rest of my life with and married him. Although one of the children introduced us and approved of the relationship, once marriage was on the table, she completely withdrew from her dad. After 5 years, she gave him a choice, me or his kids. I lost, or at the time I thought it was a loss. I grieved the loss of the relationship for several years. During this grieving process a man who had moved away to be closer to family after the death of his wife, returned. He, his wife, his daughter, and grandchildren sat in the pew in front of me for years. He started coming back to church, noticed I was alone and not wearing a wedding ring. He called a man in our church to see if indeed I was single. When the man said yes, George promptly asked me out for dinner. That began a friendship that helped me work through my grief but also helped him as well. We had many conversations over the next 18 months about many things. I could tell him anything and he felt the same way. He loved the Lord and his life reflected that. I don’t think I had ever felt so loved by anyone. He’d asked me to marry him numerous times but I wasn’t ready to commit and he had some family who, like my previous husband, liked me but when I started dating her dad, seemed to resent that her dad was with someone. I wasn’t putting him or myself through that again. He died a week ago from Covid. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, however it’s very difficult to be sad for him because he’s home. He even got to make the decision to go home, electing to stay off a ventilator. He was ready and I knew it from so many of our previous conversations. As happy as I am for him, even envious, his absence had left a hole in my heart. I’m sad but feel joy and peace at the same time. I’ve never experienced that in the midst of tragedy. It was after my divorce that I clung to God, minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. I developed such a strong, dependent relationship with the Lord that I thank Him every day for the storm I endured after the divorce. George was in my life for only a short time but he helped me get through one of the toughest times in my life and loved me unconditionally like no other except for Jesus. No I wish it hadn’t been this way but God doesn’t make mistakes. I trust Him with my future although there’s pain now. I trust in the one who can take ashes and make beauty. I don’t know how God will use my story, but I know He will because He doesn’t waste anything. Even before George got sick I felt led to ask 3 ladies if they’d like to participate in your Bible Study. They all said yes! I’ve never organized a Bible Study but have been involved in many. I know God is in charge of the rest of my story and it is with great anticipation that I wait on the next chapter!

    1. Debbie, I’m so sorry for your loss. George sounded like such a gentleman and a faithful friend. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was dating a man with kids. One accepted me, the other which is the apple of his eye, didn’t. We’ve been on and off again for a few years. I got off the merry-go-round at the beginning of this year. Your story has reminded me to look forward in hope to what/who God has for me and to be open to whatever that looks like. Prayers for you as your heart heals. It’s good to know that our stories aren’t over.

  7. My oldest child, my son Chad, was a handful from age 15 months on. He is now 27, has been married and divorced, and has 3 little girls. He works hard as a truck driver and has made some amazing strides–in spite of (partially because of) his issues. I was worried that he would end up in jail, but God has blessed him and I have a healthy relationship with him–a miracle in itself. I would like to help others w problem kids because it’s tough in the middle of it, and there is a heap of judgment from the world when your kid makes bad choices.

  8. My worst heartbreaking story began in May of 2018. I had a terrible bicycle accident in my own driveway which left me with a crushed clavicle, shoulder and 6 broken ribs. When I had shoulder surgery that August, I had an artery bleed that has left me with nerve damage in my right hand and I am right handed

    On July 5th, my youngest sister was tragically killed

    That December, when our youngest, who was a senior in college , was to be coming home for Christmas break, she lets us know that she is going to be getting married during that break to a guy that we very much disapproved of. After all, this daughter had the whole world at her fingertips. She had been so blessed with a strong spiritual life, which I questioned at the time, brains, leadership abilities, magnetic personality , very athletic,(had a leadership and softball scholarship, was a pitcher ) and was such a tall, lean, blonde headed beauty! And, she was about to throw it all away. At least. Was what her daddy and I thought!!

    After the initial shock, and remembering all the other experiences we had had with this about to be son-in-law, I made it up in my heart and mind that from that day forward, I WAS GOING TO CHOOSE JOY, EVERYDAY! Satan was defeated by Jesus’ work on the cross and as far as I was concerned, he was not going to defeat me and keep me down!!!!

    It was not an easy time in the months that followed, but we are over 2 years out and things are so much better!!! She did graduate from college that May, which we thought she’d never do! They moved back to our area and are very happily married!

    After much forgiveness on all of our parts and the Lord teaching me a lot thru this, I’ll have to say that I’m not bitter, but so much better! I know He had some valuable lessons to teach me thru this deep valley I walked thru!

    First, I learned I wasn’t in control, never had been! That all I controlled was my choices! That we’d made an “idol” out of our daughter, which was so easy to do! That I’m no better than anyone else. That God had forgiven me of so much and I had to learn to do the same. That I had to learn to keep my eyes on Jesus, have faith in Him and know that thru it all, He is in total control!!! What a comfort,, what a peace, what joy when we as His children learn that!!!

    I would not change any part of this valley if I could. I’m so thankful that I learned to place things in His hands and watch Him work it out, for His good!

  9. There’s been so many ups and downs in my life that I can’t tell any particular story, but I can say that God has brought me through them all, and taught me lessons that I could have only learned from Him. An I thank Him for them ALL. I’m 71 year’s old and looking forward to learning more everyday.

  10. I like many of us abused as a child. But the Lord has healed me of the pain. My story is that I have lived with fear that has held me back from ever doing or being who God has called me . I lack confidence boldness I have come a long ways but I don’t believe I’m we’re I should be . I’m want my life to have purpose and do what the Lord has called me to do

  11. My story is still in process. Eight years ago I felt the first pain of what is arthritis of the spine. My husband now does everything in our home that was my pleasure to do for almost 30 years. I simply sit. I pray & read & listen to sermons….but I sit. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But!!! God is faithful & so am I & so is my sweet husband. GOD IS FAITHFUL TO HIS PROMISES!

  12. A difficult chapter in my life was when my brother and I lives change suddenly when my great-grandmother (who raised us) change drastically with her sudden death. It went from great to horrible when we then had to live with our mother. Oh, that summer we both vowed we were NEVER coming back here to visit with this crazy lady! The Lord had other plans you see. We had to go through some things whether we were ready or not.

  13. I was admitted into a prestigious University to read Medicine two years after I accepted Jesus into my life (John 1:12). However, I spent seven years for a five years course to become a medical Doctor. Many friends in Christ and relatives prayed for me during the hard times but I was made numb by the Holy Spirit. I just found myself praising God and rejoicing even as I saw some people coming to know and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord through my witness. After qualifying with MBBS, the Lord gave me unprecedented lifting to become a specialist in my field. To God’s glory, my wife and I have five children with six grandchildren, all married to Jesus plus their spouses. Come October 16, 2021, we look forward to our 50th wedding anniversary. All praises and glory to God.

  14. My Christian daughter is making some choices w her life that are causing fear, worry and pain. I’m trying to put her and myself in Gods hands and have Him work this out for our good.

  15. Going on 5 years ago, my husband had an affair 6 weeks before our youngest daughters wedding
    I caught them both, spoke with HER husband, went through my daughters wedding with little memories of her special day
    We separated, I filed for divorce, months later he asked me to come home and work on things
    It’s been a tough, uphill battle ever since. I still love him but I’m broken in so many ways.
    I’m also stronger than I ever believed myself to be.

  16. Hi Sharon,
    I love your story. I love how you showed us your real feelings. Sometimes I get so discouraged then feel guilty about that because things could be SO much worse in my life. I want to learn to cling to God despite whatever circumstance I am in. I too want to see God. Thank you for sharing and always encouraging..

  17. Thank you so much for sharing. I am about to move out of a Transition Women’s House that is for a year. I graduated Redwood Gospel Mission Women’s Program and God provided this Home for me. When I moved here I had one year plus, clean and sober. I am 62 years old. My son is 43, and my grandson is 19. On the 24th of this month, I will be moving in with a 95 year old woman who only speaks Farsi. My life has a lot of bad choices, and God has been faithful through every bad choice I have made. The Lord has kept me so safe. Many attempts at suicide, I have wanted to kill myself. Today, is so different. Two and a half years clean and sober, I have a clear view of who God is. All GOOD, all POWERFUL, and always PRESENT…
    Thank you Sharon…

  18. 1981 I miscarried. I was told the fetus had double organs but didn’t separate into two bodies. I’m still mourning after all these years. I lost him, her, or them on Thanksgiving morning. It’s never been the same. The Lord blessed me with a little boy in 1986. The love of my life. He married seven years ago and slowly cut me out of his life. Last March they had a baby girl. I saw her for the first time in May, held her for 10 minutes and his wife took the baby upstairs. Got to see her when I delivered Christmas presents the week before Christmas through the glass door with masks on (?) for a few minutes. My heart is broken from losing my son and now my granddaughter. My son told me they don’t need me in their life. Said I raised him and he doesn’t need a mother anymore. The Lord is with me and He lets me know He is, but at the same time I don’t see how this can ever turn out good. I was forced into retirement this last October, had to sell my house and buy an older, smaller home that has needed a lot of work. My son refused to help me in any way.

    1. I totally understand your pain. Please know that you are not alone. There are other people that are going and have gone through similar situations. I still have pain from my children cutting me out of their lives, but they are grown ups and made that choice, I did not cause the problem. I have given them over to God and He will deal with their hearts. He will also heal yours and bring you peace and comfort.

  19. The part of my story I would love to erase is that I have always struggled with money. If I have it I’m going to spend it.

    I charged over 20,000 to credit cards. I just knew my husband was going to divorce me. He showed grace and we got through that.

    A few years later I was working for a company that I had access to the till. It started out taking small amounts for lunch and eventually much larger amounts. The company of course found out, had me arrested and I spend the night in jail. I went to court and the judge felt I needed to stay in jail for 7 days.

    I truly believe that was God working in my life. All I could do was sit there and think about my choices in life.

    I had been raised in the church in a pastors home. I knew better. But God had a plan.

    I got out of jail and promised myself and God never again. He got through to me. I still struggle with money but God is so faithful and has talked me through so many difficult situations. I have never taken money again, but the shame of what I’ve done is overwhelming at times.

    I have often felt that God wanted me to share my story but this is the first time I’ve every spoke of it with anyone besides my family.

    Thank you for this opportunity

    Much love.

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  20. My husband and I have two grown children and two grandchildren. We have had issues with our son since he moved back in with our grandson last summer with his attitude and we suspected him of taking medications from us. The least thing that you asked of him would cause him to become angry. It was like walking on eggshells. Back in November, our son became very irate and argumentative when we asked him to move his car off the lawn. This event escalated and became somewhat physical and he caused damage to our home. This is not the first time that this has happened and we just told him to leave. He has been arrested for Family Violence against my husband before and the case is still pending.
    When our daughter found out what happened she blamed us for the issue and called us Narcissistic and Abusive and has since refused to speak to us. She and I were best friends (or so I thought). She will not let our granddaughter come around us or talk to us unless the granddaughter wants to. The time or two that I have gotten to talk to her, she is very ugly and bitter towards me and it is obvious that her mother is filling her with nonsense. I have been so heartbroken that it is all I can do to get out of bed and go to work and make it back home, let alone do any chores or anything else. I cannot wrap my head around it or understand it. I feel that I was blindsided by her and my heart just aches to have my family back together. I really had begun to feel that I didn’t have anyone to talk to anymore. My marriage was suffering. Everything was going wrong in my life.
    Our son did get to come back home with the understanding that he had to get help and if he became out of control again or if we were missing meds again that he was out, no questions asked! Things rocked on and he seemed to be making some progress and he began a new relationship with an former girlfriend. In late January, we were at supper and were joking around. He became very angry at me and went to his basement apartment for the remainder of the night. We really didn’t know what to make of it. Around 9:00 the next morning, I received a call from my husband that I needed to come home from work as our son had attacked him by pushing him into the kitchen cabinets and hitting him with his fist in the head. My son weighs in around 250lbs and is fairly healthy, but my husband has cancer and weighs about 165 lbs and was only about 2 months out from his 6th back surgery! He is not in good health. Needless to say that our son and grandson no longer live with us and he is facing potential felony charges for his second Family Violence offense.
    To make matters worse, my sister has taken my son in and has supported my daughter as well. She would not talk to me when I needed her as she said she really didn’t want to get in the middle of our situation. I feel very betrayed by her and her grown children that attacked me on social media. My mother refuses to intervene on my behalf and I just feel alienated from my whole family.
    My grandchildren are the ones paying the price for all of this mess along with my husband and myself! This is probably the worst pain that I have ever felt in my entire life. I found Sharon Jaynes book about What if you could Change Your Story mentioned in an email devotion that I don’t even remember subscribing to. The biblical truth that this email devotion and this book along with scripture has eased my pain and given me a new perspective. I still hurt, but I know that God is using my pain for a greater purpose and I may not find out on this earth, but I will find out one day!
    I know that this may not have made sense to some of you and it was lengthy, but this was the short version. Thank you for reading to the end if you did.

  21. Thank you Sharon, I believe God sent me to Girlfriendsingod to see you story and read your book. I believe this journey is restoring my marriage and me totally. I feel renewed and restored. Thank you for yielding to Gods plan and purpose for your life.

  22. Thank you so much for this story. I truly needed this inspiration and have been blessed by your ministry. Each day I try live my life through Proverbs 31. God is good!!

  23. Thanks Sharon for your wonderful words of encouragement. I loved what you said previously that, Satan wants to use our past to paralyse us and God wants to use our past to propel us. The choice is ours..

    My story in a nutshell-My mum passed away when I was 19, arranged marriage at 24, had to give up my career at 35(doors closed completely, and forced to be a stay at home mum) Now when I look back as a 51 yrs old and after 27 yrs of my roller coaster married life, I know, that I know ,that I know, it was only Gods plans..I am Thankful for not giving up and I am blessed to have a wonderful husband and 2 children both studying medicine.I was angry at God for this forced life, I never had any choices.. I was really angry at God for taking my mum away .. Continued in that anger and unanswered questions for God and for knowingly letting things happen and watching me go through struggles for many years..But I know that if I had a job, I would’ve walked away from this marriage and the 2 kids that we had and went behind my career..

    Although, at the age of 35, I gave my life to Christ the transformation process took Time.. I read the Bible and had more quiet time with Jesus, studied on forgiveness, trust, power of our words, emotional healing and the understanding that I CANNOT change my spouse…I NEEDED that change! John 10:10, became my favourite verse..The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy;I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full…..
    Don’t be deceived by Satans lies..He doesn’t want any families to be together, he will put bad thoughts into our minds, our thoughts become our words that can hurt our loved ones. Our words becomes our actions, when we put the barrier or live in that emotional bubble with our everyday ups and downs.. when this happens, there is no sex , no sex leading on to that gap between you and your spouse more and more and then feeling lonely, no one to share, blame,more angry words ..(cycle continues)separation…divorce..Kids struggle in between all our roller coaster decisions.. Satan knows exactly when to pull the string of strife and to continue with that angry undercurrent. Actually I felt like Satans puppet. Thank God, I learned from My mistakes and understood to take responsibility of my own life instead of blaming others or circumstances before it was too late. I pray that all of you will hold on to Jesus more, Trust him fully… Pray about EVERYTHING..,Take your eyes off your problems and Look up to Jesus, He loves you and He HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR YOU! NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!

  24. Thanks Sharon for your wonderful words of encouragement. I loved what you said previously that, Satan wants to use our past to paralyse us and God wants to use our past to propel us. The choice is ours..

    My story in a nutshell-My mum passed away when I was 19 ( all of a sudden, severe chest pain died in half an hour and she was only 51 yrs old then), my marriage was arranged at 24, had to give up my career at 35 (doors closed completely, and forced to be a stay at home mum) Now when I look back as a 51 yrs old and after 27 yrs of a roller coaster married life, I know, that I know ,that I know, it was only Gods plans..I am Thankful for not giving up and I am blessed to have a wonderful husband and 2 children both in med school. I was angry at God for this forced life, I never had any choices.. I was really angry at God for taking my mum away .. Continued my anger towards God because of my unanswered questions, and for knowingly letting things happen or watching me go through struggles for many years..But I know that if I had a job, I would’ve walked away from this marriage and the 2 kids that we had and went after my career..

    Although, at the age of 35, I gave my life to Christ the transformation process took Time.. I read the Bible and had more quiet time with Jesus everyday, studied on forgiveness, trust, power of our words, emotional healing and the understanding that I CANNOT change my spouse, I, NEEDED that change!
    John 10:10, became my favourite verse..The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy;I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full…..

    Don’t be deceived by Satans lies..He doesn’t want any families to be together, he will put bad thoughts into our minds, our thoughts become our words that can hurt our loved ones. Our words becomes our actions, when we put the barrier or live in that emotional bubble with our everyday ups and downs.. when this happens, there is no sex , no sex leading on to that gap between you and your spouse more and more and then the feeling of living with a stranger, lonely, no one to share, blame,more angry words ..(cycle continues) Then separation leading to divorce. .Kids struggle in between all our roller coaster decisions.. Satan knows exactly when to pull the string of strife and to continue life with that angry undercurrent. Actually I felt like Satans puppet.

    Thank God, I learned from My mistakes and understood to take responsibility of my own life instead of blaming others or circumstances before it was too late. I pray that all of you will hold on to Jesus more, Trust him fully… Pray about EVERYTHING..,Take your eyes off your problems and Look up to Jesus, He loves you and He HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR YOU! NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!

  25. I am trusting God in moving forward after a recent miscarriage in 2019 and I recently lost my oldest son 25 the day after Thanksgiving. Even in the midst of my storm I chose to trust God! Your story inspires me and reminds me there is hope in God and community like these.
    Thanks friends

  26. A member of my church just went through a pregnancy where she knew the baby would die at birth. Lenora had a genetic disorder that caused her not to develop bones. The Prayer Warriors started praying daily. She gave birth on the first day of her third trimester. God heard our prayers and Lenora lived for 67 minutes before she went home to Jesus. My member is 38 years old and this was her first baby that she didn’t miscarry. I know that Jesus has plans for her future life…with or without children. Trust in the Lord. He’s got this!

  27. Young, newly married, and both in college, my husband and I were under prepared when we got pregnant our first year of marriage, but what a blessing our son turned out to be. And after he was 18 months old we decided to try for a second. We waited. We prayed. We waited. 2 years later, I found myself in agonizing pain and hemorrhaging; I lost my baby before I even knew I was pregnant. So we grieved, we prayed, we waited. Another 2 years and finally another pregnancy, lost only a week after a positive test, with a repeat a year later. So we grieved, we prayed, we waited. We started discussing adoption, and then, 10 years after my son was born, I was finally pregnant again, and things seemed to be going well with lots of extra progesterone. I was just over 9 weeks into the pregnancy when the cramping turned into bleeding and I lost the baby. 8 months later I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my only good fallopian tube the week before my husband took a new job. We lived apart for the next 10 months trying to find a house and let our son finish grade school in our little community before moving to junior high in Kansas City. It was an incredibly hard year for all of us, but we made it through and we have flourished in our new environment, and after almost 13 years of waiting, we are starting our adoption process! Looking back, I can see the many things God has taught me through the years of waiting and praying, all the talents He helped me discover to fill my heart through those trying years, including becoming a specialized medical massage therapist which has been incredibly fulfilling, and I am grateful. The journey is not done.; there may be many mountains to climb, and I may still have a long wait before getting the baby I have longed for all these years, BUT I can see God’s hand in my life, I can see His faithfulness, and though at times I still feel the grief and and ask, “WHY?!”, His perfect plan is leading me on a journey I could never have planned for myself, full of blessings I would not have had without the loss. Keep trusting, keep waiting, keep praying. God is listening, He’s preparing, and He’s answering!

  28. Sorry for your loss.
    Our church has a ministry last Sunday of January each yr. Couples come send text emails if they live someplace else.. And we pray for them to have a baby. Miracles through the yrs. Babies born ,adoption ,embryo the list goes on testimonies grow and God is good God is faithful..All for his glory..

  29. I enjoyed reading your post, as well as reading everyone’s comments here. I found your website by completing your 7-day reading plan on YouVersion-the Bible App., “Enough: Silence the Lies that steal your confidence.” I look forward to checking out your other devotions.
    In regards to my difficult chapters, well, like many of you I could write a book here. My current difficult chapter is that I took a job out of state because I am finally nearing an empty nest (after about 18 years as a single mom) and have always thought I wanted to move and see other sites! Now, amidst COVID and a national winter storm, I’m rethinking that decision, and just want to be closest to my loved ones. I have been a counselor professionally for over 20 years, and in recent years have reached my burn out. I know it’s my calling because I’m drawn to those jobs of helping others, but I find myself in a standstill, questioning my next step. I have worked out of necessity to supporting myself and my children and now, I yearn to be financially and emotionally independent! I haven’t ever felt that.
    I appreciate the quote, “Sometimes we have to let go of our plans to take hold of God’s purpose.” This has been my life’s theme! 💕

  30. Wow lately your devotionals are speaking to me. We are going thigh rough waters right now. My life has been a roller coaster with cancer, family issues, and so on. God has been healing and restoring little by little. The first few comments I read was about mental issues. As my heart breaks is something I have been seeing in my nephew who is like son to me. Now as young man 22 I can see his behavior has changed dramatically. Trying to be strong for my sister and brother in law she is still in denial and is causing more damage than good. Praying hard God opens doors to seek the right help for him before anything happens. It has been very difficult to watch specially now he is older. It has been small signs something not being right but as a protective mom she is didn’t want to hear. Like Sharon says why? Why now? Specially someone so devoted to God like my nephew is? Only God knows the details. Please if God presses you pray for him healing from above and God leading where to go. I know God has been faithful to me and He is not going to stop now. Thank you!

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