Why This? Why Me? Why Now?

Sharon Jaynes Dealing with Your Past, Trusting God, When You Don't Like Your Story 104 Comments

What do you do when heartbreak slams into joy? When your soul cracks open and there just aren’t enough tears? When hurt steals your hope and you want to give up on life? When deep soul lesions make a mockery of your faith? I’ve been there. I wonder if you have too.

I remember the day when my son, Steven, and I sat on the floor in his room playing a card game. That summer was proving to be the best ever. Our golden retriever, Ginger, had just delivered seven adorable puppies, Steven was enjoying his sixth summer of life, and after four years of negative pregnancy tests, God had surprised us with a new life growing inside my womb.

But as Steven and I sat cross-legged on the carpet, I felt a warm, sticky sensation run down my leg. A trip to the bathroom confirmed my greatest fears—I was bleeding. Later that afternoon, the doctor voiced the weighty words, “There is no heartbeat.”

I wish I could tell you I left the doctor’s office quoting Romans 8:28 about how “all things work together for good” (ESV). I wish I could tell you that I calmly accepted the loss of my baby with faith, trusting that even this was somehow part of God’s plan. I wish I could tell you I spent the rest of the day singing “It Is Well with My Soul.” But I didn’t do any of those things.

I went home, crawled in bed, and pulled the covers up over my empty womb and broken heart. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially God. And what I did say to him wasn’t very nice.

How could you do this to me? If this is how you treat those you love, then just forget it! You answered my prayer only to take it back! Why me? Why this? Why now?

Job was a man in the Bible who also had a lot of questions for God. In one day, his enemies killed all but a handful of his servants and stole all eleven thousand heads of livestock. Then a strong wind collapsed his son’s house and killed all ten of Job’s children. We read the story of Job already knowing how it is going to end—the Lord not only restored what Job had lost, but “gave him twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10).

But can you imagine what it was like to live through it in real time? Job was stuck in a bad story and he saw no end in sight. He had no idea why it was happening. He didn’t know God would give him twice as much as he had before. All he knew was loss, disappointment, and pain. That might be where you are right now, stuck in a story you don’t like. But hang on, God’s pen has not slipped. He’s still in control. There’s more to come.

My favorite line in Job’s story comes at the very end. Job says to God, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5). That is my prayer in every difficult circumstance of life. I don’t want to simply hear about God; I want to see God and have communion with him in the midst of it.

A houseful of children was not how my chapter of infertility and the loss of a child ended, but I can still say it had a good ending. One day, I was reading Song of Songs in the Bible. I read it as if I were the bride and Jesus were my bridegroom. At one point, the bride says to her beloved, “I am a rose of Sharon” (Song of Songs 2:1).

When I looked up Sharon in my Bible dictionary, I found it meant “a fertile valley near Mt. Carmel.”  I then realized that even though my medical chart read “infertile,” God had made me fertile in so many other ways.

And I know He can do that for you. Sometimes we have to let go of our plans to take hold of God’s purpose…and it’s always good.

Lord, there are some parts of my story that still ache, and perhaps that ache will never go away completely. However, I know that you can use every tear to water the seeds of hope in someone else’s life. I release my pain to You and wait openhanded for Your purpose on how to use my story to help someone else. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What is one difficult chapter in your life that you feel God is calling you to share with others? Leave a comment, and at the end of the week I’ll randomly pick three and send you a free bracelet inscribed with This is My Story, This is My Song.

Many times the painful pages of our lives, the ones we’d like to tear out of the narrative, are the very ones that God uses the most. Our pain can become a portal of God’s grace. Our ravaged pages can become God’s redemptive masterpiece. Join me in When You Don’t Like Your Story and learn how your worst chapters can become your greatest victories.

 

 

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Comments 104

  1. This devotion hit home to me today. I have been going through a rough week even though it has just started. On Friday, the 12th of March would have been my son, Jeff’s 45th birthday, he died October 7, 2019. It has been said that parents shouldn’t have bury their child(ren). My son was a Godly young man of whom I am very proud of. He himself never had the opportunity to have a child born due to him, but had 3 adult stepchildren. I miss him so much.

    1. Lynn, I am deeply saddened by your story. My own son Julian would have been 39 March 4th. Nothing replaces our lost children. Julian was never allowed to be married or have children. He did however get to be a fabulous Uncle to his brothers Daughter. While we still miss him every day we are blessed with the ability to cherish every grand memory. Julian passed in 2007 on February 5th, he was 24 years of age. Your pain is so fresh Lynn my heart is braking for you. I will be praying for peace, comfort and the grace of God to be with you and your family. 💔🙏

    2. My heart goes out to you I can’t imagine how you feel. I am praying for you and your family 🙏❤️🙏

      1. My husband and I have been married for 57 years. He has Parkinson’s and dementia and is living in a long term memory care facility. I read daily from “Lovestruck ” and from “When you don’t like your story.” What is extremely hard for spouses is the lack of emotion that our loved ones are able to express. They are no longer able to experience love making. Even at my age of 78 I find this almost unbearable. Have you ever considered possibly looking into this and writing on it? Its a difficult topic to discuss with family and friends. I’m always afraid of “to much information. “

        1. I also lost my son 2years later lost our granddaughter I’ve worked all my life as a nurse now taking care of my husband who has Parkinson’s and helping care for my 90 year old mom i sometimes wonder who am I I’m thankful for my life but I’m tired of talking care of everyone else thanks for listening god is good

  2. I was completely blind sided when I discovered my husband was a sex addict and had been unfaithful to me in every possible way for 40 years. How could I have been so trusting (or stupid!). For the past 5years I have been trying to heal. There is progress because God told me not to leave. I still have to get the physical part, which I detested for a while, back . I am a work in progress even if I am old but God has control and gives me peace. and determination.

    1. Oh my, Marcia. God will bless you for honoring HIM. I admire you – not sure I could. At my age (68) – due to physical stuff for both of us we haven’t had sex in years. It is great that you were trusting and don’t call yourself stupid. God calls you blessed, loyal, faithful, etc. We need to be careful of how we or others name us. Bless you for sharing your story. I love how God gives you peace + determination.

  3. My story is not what I wanted, my husband & I married at 20&21 years old. Early on in the marriage I became aware my husband had a pornography addiction, since he was 11yrs of age. But by the grace of God I knew my husband loved me deep down and I thought he was going to get help, this went in for 22 yrs. then in July my husband showed me where he had hidden hook up apps on his phone 137 to be exact. For years behind my back. I thought the porn was every now and then not non stop😞 it crushed me the next day he did what he has Never done and went to two elders of the church for help and my mom help me get into deep counseling. This is where I am learning that God loves me( you see since I became a Christian at 12 I thought God to be scary and mean not like the Holy Spirt or Jesus haha) I now am learning that not only does God love me but I need to Trust him, to be honest my fear seems so big( fear of my husband doing this again) that I give God Trust but when I think my husband is not changing I want to grab control and play god😞 But I know my God is Big and He is still working on me and Jeremy and it might take more than 8 months!!! I need to learn that God loves me and no matter what happens He already knows there is good and he has me in the palm of my hand!!! I just need my heart to believe that!!!

  4. God blessed me with many children, but my road to conception wasn’t easy. I have struggled with an eating disorder for over 30 years that impacted my ability to get pregnant. When God blessed me, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was so angry with God. It took us 5 years of infertility treatments just to conceive. All my friends were getting pregnant so easily, and here I was just struggling to get pregnant. After a year of counseling with my pastor, God allowed me to get pregnant again. God blessed me with 11 children, but I also experienced 4 very tragic miscarriages. Not long after my last pregnancy at 46 and my mother’s passing, I suffered a mild stroke. Once again, I was upset and frustrated with God. However, God healed me, and I have very minor side effects to deal with. That stroke did slow me down and cause me to put my health first, which I don’t always do. Jeremiah 29:11-13 gets me through my rough patches and frustrations when things don’t go my way.

  5. I discovered that the man I married was living a secret life. All the years I blamed myself for not being enough for him had been a lie I told myself. Those issues impacted me deeply but they were, and are not, my sins to bear. Through it all I can see God has been by my side all along. He is helping me walk through it still.

    1. I too, am living with the consequences of a totally selfish man who lived a secret life. He even coerced his grown daughters to join him in his secret. Long story short, he developed terminal cancer and left all his worldly goods to the other woman. I can testify God has been w/me and He has blessed me and He enables me to fulfill my financial obligations each month. I know He will continue to be with me and will see me through the hurt and pain and when it’s all over, I will be a stronger person.

  6. My husband and I have been taking care of grandparents and parents the majority of our 29 years of marriage. We recently loss our last parent a couple of months ago. In my mind, I thought we would get back home and catch up on much needed rest physically/ mentally and normalcy, but we got a request from a young lady who needs a place to stay for a few months while doing internship starting this summer. My first thought was really, Lord? Can we not have a break for a little while??
    God reminded me life is not about me, it is about Him and His purpose. God will give us rest and all that we need in His timing. I have learned or trying to embrace these times in life and grow during the experience to be closer to Him.
    I want to always have arms that are wide open to anyone, just as His arms are always open for me.

  7. We were fostering triplets. It was a toxic situation with the bio family and the county that placed them in our home. We asked for them to be moved. It has been incredibly hard, I felt like they were children of my own. I visited them everyday in the NICU. My heart aches for them. I know in my heart that there was a reason they were in our home and a reason they left our home, not knowing that reason, just like my first miscarriage, hurts like no other. I am trying to trust because God has never failed me even in the painful loss of a child, the loss of my mom and my grandma in 2 weeks time but I never saw His glory until years later. It is hard to remember when you are in the midst of the storm. Fighting depression, fighting for my faith, it is so helpful to hear other’s stories and remember how much I hurt in the past and how I can move forward from this too.

  8. I am a widow and after 10 years of being alone I met a wonderful man. We dated for 4.5 years and were to be married 10/24/20 and 3 days before the wedding he called it off. I as well as all out friends were blindsided . The canceling of the wedding had nothing to do with me. Needless to say I am devastated . I am trying to cling to Romans 8:28 , but it is very difficult.

  9. I have many. But I’ll share only one. I’m not able to have children due to a previous cancer diagnosis and am still.single due to a past history of abuse. I don’t like it one bit. I’m the only one in my family without children and most times I feel an invisible finger pointing at me as if to say ‘ look at what you’ve done wrong’ I have a lot of shame surrounding it and battle bitterness and envy daily. However I know that I wouldn’t want to bring a family into a broken heart. I would only cause harm so if God has chosen me to bear this burden I have to accept it.

  10. Hi, I lost my oldest son recently to drugs. He was 38 years old and he left behind 3 beautiful children and a whole family broken-hearted and in pain. I do feel like if I could help someone else who’s trapped in this cycle of drug abuse that my son’s life won’t be in vain.

  11. So, so true. Our Father is in the business of making beauty out of ashes and giving garments of praise in place of the heavy weight of sackcloth. I have found it so after my stroke at age 39 and then later my journey with breast cancer. I was given possibly ten years in remission. It is now over 26 years of abundant living….but let me explain. Not always has my heart been wrapped in praise and bursting with joy. I’ve had my ups and downs for in the last seven to eight years I’ve battled terrible sieges of deep depression as I’ve sought to persist in my life with mental illness and bi-polar depressions. This latter illness is hard to take; Debilitating. Devastating. Horrible. Humbling. BUT it has drawn me closer to my Lord and when I’m willing to be open and vulnerable it has given me new opportunities to reach out and minister to so many others dealing with some of these same life issues. God is good. All the time. And NOTHING can ever separate me from His love!!

  12. I so enjoy Sharon Jaynes writings!!
    She writes in a way that is inspirational, thought provoking and heartfelt. I look forward to more from Sharon Jaynes!

  13. I thought when my husband of 29 years left I would never dance again. I found myself dancing again with my grandchildren. One day a man came into my life who has loved those grandchildren with me, cared for my mom with dementia, and remodeled our house. As we moved into this next phase of life we find ourselves now struggling with his recovery of a stroke and my being fired from a job I love. I want so much to have the faith that allows me to see the bright future the good plan God promises, but all I can see is the darkness of my ‘get up and do it’ guy struggling. Life, expectations, what I knew, has been altered so dramatically I am struggling.

  14. My painful chapter is one I’m walking through right now. My Sweetheart and husband, a Louisville, Ky police officer died suddenly on November 19th of 2020 while playing tennis. It turned out he had Covid 19 and we had no idea. While playing tennis the Covid attacked his heart and he died. I will never forget that day and the call I received that told me they were coming to pick me up to take me to University Hospital to see the love of my life laying in the emergency room, in which he had already gone to our most glorious place, Heaven!
    I remember walking in the hospital surrounded by his fellow officers that were lined down the hallways. When the doctor came out to speak with me and tell me they had tried everything to bring him back but were unsuccessful, even though I was the saddest I’ve ever been in my entire life and full of shock, I remember looking at everyone in that room and saying…Even though my heart is broken and I’m so sad, I know my husband is in Heaven and that’s my saving grace in this tragedy. I then looked at each one of them with tears in my eyes and said…if you don’t know where you’re going when you die, you’re not guaranteed another second in this life, so please invite Jesus into your heart so you can spend eternity with Him. That’s become my mission, to continue to ask people that question because I’ve experienced the peace it brings to those who leave this earth to be with our Heavenly Father and we’re left behind. We know our loved one is in Heaven! My husband is now a In Line Of Duty death due to COVID-19. His end of watch was 11-19-20. Through his death, I pray God will continue to use me to lead others to Jesus.

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      Oh Sherry. I can’t even imagine. You, my friend, are the perfect person to ask people that question. They will listen to you. Your story will make people consider their eternal future and realize that can come today.

    2. Dear Sherry, My husband of 41 years passed on to glory. We were at a prophecy conference at Lynchburg VA. and he had a sudden heart attack. He was a mail carrier and walked about 10 miles a day. As you said, we never know when God will call us home but I was comforted in knowing he is with his Lord. I don’t understand how people go thru the hard times in life without Jesus. I pray God will continue to comfort you and fill you with his amazing peace. He gives us a special peace beyond understanding. He is so good to us. We give Him all praise and glory. Two years later my son was having marital problems and missing his dad so much that he took his own life. Once again God gave me his peace beyond understanding. After healing time , I found that God put people in touch with me with the same situations and I was able to comfort them or show them what God can do. I pray he will continue to lead you and show others what our God can do.

  15. When I was 8 years old, I was molested by a family member (even though I was raised in a religious home). I don’t have memories of innocence as a little girl and what it was like to be pure. This also left me with being vulnerable as an adult. More than 30 years ago, I went through a devastating betrayal by someone in the church who was supposedly helping me process my past. It destroyed my first marriage and affected my children’s trust in God. Through it all, I’ve come to know Jesus in a very personal way for which I’m grateful. I’m still healing and trying to gain new skills in relationships—even though I’ll soon be 64 years old. God is faithful even when we aren’t!

  16. My husband had an affair several years ago, although I have forgiven him it is hard not to judge him continually, I need to let go of that and fully trust my marriage to God. When you are betrayed by the person you are supposed to cling to in life’s storms, it breaks you on a level that you trust no one, ever. He had the affair with one of my best friends so it has crept into my friendship relationships too! I want to have a healthy marriage and healthy friendships!

  17. Thank you for sharing how you moved through a challenge with God’s hand in yours.
    Each of my 4 cancer surgeries have provided the mustard seed of faith I received to be strengthened . The Great Physician has indeed healed as He has promised.
    Only Believe for He is my Rock and my Redeemer.
    With Much HOPE,
    Sharon Stalder.

  18. Thank you, Sharon, for being a vessel through which God’s message of hope and truth is conveyed to so many of us that desperately need it.
    I’ve experienced several “mercy ruins” (coined by Lysa TerKeurst) in my life. Recently, I was nearly crushed by the proverbial last straw and was taken out of work by my medical providers for 7 weeks. I’ve experienced workplace bullying for the last three years on what was supposed to be my dream job – the job I would have until I retired. I prayed about the job. It was a long shot, but I was picked. I prayed that the Lord would only grant me this job if He was in favor. From my first week, the bullying began with the top person. Although everyone around me thought I was doing great, he treated me like dirt. This has gone on for 31/2 years. I thought that if I kept working harder and proving myself, I would gain his approval. My work would win. It only got worse. The more I produced and showed enthusiasm, the worse it got. The disillusionment and demoralization overcame the Truth I knew so well. I crumbled privately. I spent the first 7 weeks of the new year alone with God (and family and medical providers). From the first moment the Lord was guiding and graciously led me to scripture, songs, books, sermons – all with the same theme: God IS writing the story. Every message was connected. It was during this time that I learned about your book and bible study, “When You Don’t Like Your Story”It has been life to me. I am now back to work and have my letter of resignation written. I’m a different person today, through the grace of our Lord and I know He is holding the pen. I am praying for clarity on when to resign. The resignation will mean a loss of income and degrees of risk. I know He is leading the way. Blessed Assurance is a favorite hymn from childhood. It has been an anthem throughout all the heart devastation in my life since childhood. Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine, Oh what a foretaste of glory divine. Heir of salvation, purchase of God. Born of His spirit, Washed in His Blood. THIS IS my story, This is my song, Praising my Savior, All the day long.
    Thank you dear Sharon.

  19. Thank you for sharing I needed this today I have been carrying a heavy burden in my heart and released it to the Good Lord feels so good not to have a quilt feeling weighing me down may God continue to bless you

  20. I believe that God wants me to really understand all He has truly given to me and I am somebody. I have struggled with my music for a long time, because I thought I wasn’t good enough and everything around it hurt. People saying no it’s not time for that kind of music, let her sing because this person is a more seasoned performer, and lots of false promises. Just three weeks ago I found joy in God gave me this voice and I am proud of it. I love it and really want to share it even if it’s only one He allows me to administer to. I pray that anytime He uses me people or person feels His love and wanna know Him for their self. I love God so much and I wanna show Him I know now what He has given me and If it’s His will I can share this with others.

  21. This blessed me, indeed. Crisis caused me to sit and ponder the Why’s. Your study is a timely one. Thankful to have something so comforting as this.

  22. Thank you Sharon, for sharing your heartache. And thank you for sharing how God was with you .
    I’m a mother of three grown children. The youngest of our three is 26 and he is a homosexual. He recently announced (most quietly) he and his partner are engaged. This whole lifestyle has been developing for many years. I have cried out to the Lord as to “why” … why my sweet son who was my sidekick , my tender hearted one. This change happened in college for him . At one time he was living for the Lord, active with church and conservative groups, etc. A liberal school far from family proved to be more than he could wrestle with . While this is heartbreaking for me and my husband we DO KNOW the Lord has a plan. So for now we continue to pray for him and his partner, fir our other siblings and their families, snd we pray for our relationship to remain strong through this undesirable situation. I do not understand the why but I know God is with me, with us.
    Thank you for allowing me to share my story of heartbreak . I would appreciate your prayers too.

  23. So timely is your message today. My eldest son refuses to communicate with me. I have recently written him a long letter that just last night I heard from my daughter in law that he maybe has not even read. She shared with me that each time she brings me up they wind up arguing. I did the very best I could raising them and he and I were close until the last few years. I do not know what caused the break-it was like a door just slammed shut. I thought that when his father died two years ago that maybe my son would finally realize how precious time is and somehow we could mend the rift but that has not happened. He and his family do not live close to me so visits under the best of circumstances have not happened and the last year made it no better. I do communicate with his new wife, ex-wife , and my two granddaughters so I have some connection with them but my heart aches for my son. I am lost as to what else I can do. I pray for him that his heart will be softened.

  24. Still struggling with the loss of my husband to esophageal cancer after an 18 month fight. Then 13 days after my husband passed my 22 year old granddaughter was also called home via a blood clot. I was very angry with God. Did not understand how or why he would take almost my whole heart.
    I spend time daily in his words and I know I will see them again.

  25. My painful story would be that me and my husband separated couple months ago😢 he cheated on me😢😢 it felt like a dream ,it’s still sometimes feels like a dream I think it’s a way that God is leading me, to ease my pain, what I would share with people in the biggest storm you can still experience the peace and joy that God has for us ,it’s amazing..I read a while ago you’re the closest when you’re in the valley to God ,makes no sense but that’s what it is.I don’t know how my story is going to end ,but I want to trust God that it will and good better than it started🙌🙌

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    2. Oh Mika, my heart goes out to you….I have “been there and done that”.. After 17 years of marriage, I found out my husband had been cheating on me for years and a son was the product that came from it. Needless to say, I was devastated, but in my darkest times., is when I felt God the most
      I am now 15 years down the road and married to the most wonderful. Godly man, who loves me and my children and I get overwhelmed with emotion, knowing that God wanted something better for me, and through the bitterness and anger, I continue to heal and am able to have a “kind” relationship with my ex and his wife….GOD is the only one who could’ve done that.
      The Lord has great things in store.

  26. I’m 51. Ouch! But Amen…. I’m 51! At the age of 27 and nursing a 4 month old I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I remember standing in the doctors sprawling, picturesque office cradling her in my arms while my 5 year old son stood with his face pressed up against the floor to ceiling windows gazing outside, clueless to what the words the doctor was telling me was going to forever change but only my world but his world, and even my newborn’s world. I would love to have this part of my story erased. It was the start of a 23 year journey of one health ordeal after another that has left me in the grips of PTSD. But it’s holding onto the word of God and what His truths tell me about His love for me, how He won’t abondon me, and that His control and will has never wanted in my life. It is a battle for sure! Daily! Sometimes minute by minute! But He’s always there for me.

  27. Thank you for sharing your story. Your writings are so inspiring. As I look back on my story I see how God has brought me to where I am now. I’m so thankful that God never gave up on me. Blessings to you.

  28. I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and he loves us so much. There are sad times in our lives when we feel like we cannot go on, but He is always there for us to lean on. When my first child was born, she was born with glaucoma, where she had to have 16 surgeries the first two years of her life. At age 9, she had a cornea transplant which left her completely totally blind, before then she had enough sight to get around but was learning braille. She had the absolute BEST braille teacher I could ever ask for, she was very bright in school, was in the marching band, graduated from high school with 4.13 gpa, went onto college (4 years) got her College Degree, will get her Masters in time. She lives on her own in a small town (where the County Court House is located in Beaver, PA)
    I am about to purchase for her The Orcam, which will help her tremendously. My second daughter was born another girl, which i was so happy so Paige could have a sister…..she was the “popular” one, had lots of friends, cheerleader, softball, gymnastics, When she was a teenager, she had to get her wisdom teeth out, was issued pain pills, again when she got her tonsils out, then she got pregnant when she was 20, had to get the TDAP vaccine in her 7th month, ended up with Guilliain Barre’ …could not walk, could not smile, her entire face was numb, had to go into hospital for 5 days to clean out her blood, then after she had the baby had to go back in. After a couple years…..she became a full blown addict! Addicted to pain pills, snorting them, went to her first rehab in CA, came back, relapsed, went to another rehab in Pittsburgh, PA came home, relapsed again, then we sent her to St Joseph Institution & Rehab in Port Matilda, PA and that is where she found her faith and has been clean for almost 2 years! PRAISE GOD!!! She is working a program, meetings, sponsor, reads her bible daily! God is so good! I thought I was never going to smile again during her active addiction time. God performed a miracle! I thank Him every day, every hour! I am praying for all addicts out there and their parents/family. It is a disease that affects all families. God is the only one who can fix them. Amen.

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  29. In 2018 my oldest brother who was just the age of 55 passed away unexpectedly along with that my legs started to not work where I was not keeping up with my peers while we were walking in downtown Chicago at one of our daughters volleyball tournament. I went through 12 specialist in a year and a half to find out at the 12th specialist a kidney specialist, in December 2019 after a kidney biopsy on January 2, 2020 says that I have cancer. I started chemo March 4, 2020 my mom and dad were at every single treatment with me until Covid hit then they were with me in the parking lot after Covid hit for every single chemo then my mom passed away unexpectedly January 26 of this year and I’m asking God what is the purpose and speaking of my dad he has now lost within two years- his son his sister his brother and his wife. If we are his children why do we have to suffer like this this is so hard so so hard I just don’t understand what the story will be from all of this I had to crawl up the steps to get into my old home for a year and a half. I can’t balance without having a walker to walk in the home and outside my home why did I get a cancer that only 5% of this entire world has-amyloidosis. why did my brother and my mom passed away unexpectedly. I miss them so much!

  30. Good morning Sharon! I really enjoyed reading your devotionals they are very inspiring. Today while I’m reading your devotional it just amazed that when you looked for the meaning of Sharon in the bible, I don’t know if you only did in reference of Song of Songs 2:1 or the meaning of your name. I looked what it means “fertile valley” having nutrients capable sustaining an abundant growth of plants. This is my understanding, you are a valley so fertile that with the knowledge God gave you and the experience you have is helping others like me to grow. Yes we don’t like our stories for a minute but that same story of pain and hurt is very thing someone needs to hear. Blessings to you

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      Thank you so much, Nixa. What a beautiful comment. I wish we could sit down with a cup of coffee and visit!

      1. I did the same thing you said when left the furneal home when my sweet little boy Robert passed at age two. I sang it is well in my soul. Then last November found Robert twin Richard age 34 passed due to heart failure due to covid-19. I said
        Same verse but sang blessing by lori story.

      2. Yes that will be nice, why you don’t a plan a zoom “ something “ so we all could share our thoughts about. Your devotional

  31. I was a single Mom raising a son. I am now blessed that my son has become a Devoted husband and father who works hard to support his young family.

    I brought my son up in church, took him on mission trips and watched his relationship grow with the Lord.

    Since he married, he has not attended church, therefore my 3 grandchildren are getting very little Biblical teachings and not showing the understanding or desire to know Christ. They live in another city so my influence in their life is not enough. My heart breaks and I desperately pray the Lord intervenes and gives the couple a desire to join a church family and put Christ first. I pray God uses me to share the gospel and they will see His presence in my life.

  32. There are 2 chapters. One is my husband’s affair. For the most part I keep it hidden away. I’ve told a few people but never really share it. The second is I had an abortion. The same is true of that chapter. If I could change or rewrite one chapter it would be that. I’ve told a few people but most don’t know. Even writing this I feel uncomfortable and exposed. But I know God can and has used it, but still I don’t like it.

  33. As a widow I long to have a Godly man to share life with. I have had a lot of heart ache in my relationships & still no one to share God & life with, I feel like God is telling me to stop searching for that special man because right now I am that special man in your life , grow deeper in a relationship with me!!!

  34. I just told someone yesterday that I was tired of hearing my story. What a joy it was to open this email and read this. God is so good. Sharon, thank you for sharing yourself and the God’s word.

  35. In 2021 in the midst of COVID God called my healthy 53 year old son to his eternal home. Greg was getting ready to go to work, and collapsed and died in the shower. He had worked for 31 years in law enforcement in the City of Coon Rapids, MN and was looking forward to early retirement in 18 months.
    I’m heartbroken but thank God for taking him home in the blink of an eye. Throughout his career, he loved going to work every day, and I prayed “Lord, please don’t take Greg in the line of duty.”

    God answered my prayers. God’s timing, not mine.

    Sharonkoss@comcast.net

  36. Wow I have been inspired .my story
    In 1996 I lost my son who had cerebral palsy ,I was pregnant by then ,the same year God blessed me with another son .
    In 1997 problems started ,I was not working I resigned because of my son ,.my husband lost his job. There was not enough to pay rentals ,and school fees ,evicted from home to home ,I even stopped going to church because I didn’t have proper clothes.to wear .
    Years passed the problem never seemed to end by then I was doing something but the money was not enough how I have managed all these years is a mystery proverbs 5&6 ,universities are expensive in my country but I thank God my son is graduating in April this year .
    Jobs story gives me the will power to carry on as well Job 13 v 15 rejoicing in God when I have nothing. Else to rejoice in .my story is very long .in a nutshell whatever challenges God has come through for me despite my anger at him .thank you for sharing your story .katherine

  37. When I was 22 I was very serious with a guy that I met in college. We ended up getting pregnant and sadly we decided to have an abortion. That is something that I have carried with me for 28 years. It was only a couple of years ago that I finally excepted the fact that God has forgiven me. I do not wish this on anyone and feel that God is asking me to share my pain and deep regret. I am now a mother of 3 and can’t wait to one day meet my sweet baby. God still loves me and he loves all of us no matter what! He wants to use my story to help others I feel. We are all sisters in Christ snd he loves each and every one of us!

  38. I was in a “ pit” for two years after I had to put my house up to sell- leave my daughter and family – friends and have an estate sale for a house full of a lifetime of “memories “which in the end are just things!
    I moved to a tiny, already filled cabin!
    God used pickleball to bring me new Christian friends !
    Now my daughter is moving so I see the full picture !
    Thank you Jesus for always being there for me. My verse is Isaiah 43:2 “When you go through deep waters , I will be with you .”

  39. Sharon my name is Tenia I’m 61 yrs young I have five loving children three I gave birth two the others two I raised from age four. I have 11 grandchildren with another one due in June and a great grand due in August. With that being said my mom went to work one night and never came home she fell out in the locker room at work from an aneurysm in May of 1970 I’ll never forget that night I like you had choice words for God that pain led to a downward spiral in my life not good at all but God in His sovereignty grace mercy and love didn’t in my story there today I’m so grateful the pain is still there from time to time and I’m praying that one day I’ll see her again I love her so much I have no real memories of her that’s a real pain that I still have today crying as I write this to you but I knowMy God worked out everything from other and I’ll keep giving him glory until the day I die thank you for your stories they’re very encouraging and I share them with others Tenia Bradley

  40. 3 stories of my life….Losing a father and then a mother then losing a career….but still my heart is still hoping for that ONE DAY that GOD will fill all the emptiness in my life.

    John 10:10
    “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

  41. I am going through the process of healing from the loss of my husband who died unexpectedly on Christmas morning 2019, leaving me to raise our 15 year old son alone. It has been over a year since his passing.

  42. How I returned to the church after many years … how depression and anxiety brought me to my knees back in Fall 2012 but how that was the turning point for me to live a full life where God became a huge part of it.

  43. This book came just in time
    I am going through one of the hardest seasons of my life. My husband and I have permanent guardianship of our grandson who has tons of mental and emotional issues. I don’t want to go through this I don’t want to be responsible for him and I absolutely terrifies me thinking of taking care of him until he’s 18. My stepdaughter has been on drugs for years and years and I keep praying and nothing is changing. It’s hard to keep believing when things just keep getting worse in front of your face. I need God to help me not to get better and to take the anger and resentment out of my heart.

  44. My first husband and the father of my children decided that he wanted to pursue things other than family. Rejection and pain were my bedside companions. The sudden death of my second husband made me ask God many questions, like why did you bless us with such love, hope and happiness to take it away. Several years later he blessed us once again with a loving, God loving man. I felt “it was my time”. My daughter was diagnosed with aggressive MS and then I got the life changing phone call that I had cancer. WHAT? Wait…. What? ? ?
    I have drawn closer to God than ever I was before….truth be told, He has come closer to me, held me tighter, encourage d me deeper and healed my broken heart snd spirit way before healing my broken body. The last chapter of my life has not been written yet. ⬇️
    My verse is Psalm 118:17. I shall not die but live and proclaim the works of the Lord.

  45. The part of my story I wish I could change, but I feel God calling me to share this story with other women is……when I was 17 I became pregnant. I truly loved the boy but we were young and I know that he did not feel the same way about me. With the help of our Pastor, my parents made a decision in my life that has haunted me for 50 years. They made arrangements for me to have an abortion. Abortion was not legal in those days and at age 17 I had no other options. I know my parents were doing what they thought was best for me, but this decision has been difficult throughout my life. I feel God calling me to share my story with other young women who may be going through this same painful journey.

  46. Ohh,Sharon, how I look forward to your stories and the faith, love and trust you have for our Lord!! You have truly inspired me in an uplifting Godly way!! I ll keep you in my prayers for all the losses, hurt and pain you ve gone through and go through.
    I left my husband of 13 yrs yrs due to verbal and controlling abuse. I prayed to God if this was the right decision and had been for yrs. I felt he was telling me to leave. I had gotten a PFA order in another county I had moved to. My husband had been a porn addict, hid it from me for many yrs, but I found out and thousands of dollars were being spent on it. Like we had that kind of money!! I discussed it w him and of course my fault cause ” I didnt do my wifely duty”!! What women could knowing hes watching that filth n then come to me?????
    Anyhow, I truly loved him for the good side of a man he was, so this was difficult. Turns out the day he got served ,he found out he had stage 4 rectal cancer. I felt horrible!! With covid I could not return nor did he want me to. He passed away July 1st 2020. I found out through a txt!! . I was very close w his family n now they hate me!! They ALL knew how Christian I was and couldnt understand how a christian could do this.. I feel soo guilty, that’s its eating me up inside!! I pray continuously for strength, courage and wisdom. I know God is my only source for me to heal!! I know he will get me threw this, Hes my rock and salvation!!
    To all of you that have written in, I will keep you all in my prayers!! I feel for all of you and sending my strength and love through Jesus Christ our LORD!! ,

  47. How true is all of this! So many times in my life have been tragic and confusing. I had a mental breakdown while going through divorce. I have been estranged from my 19-year old since she was 5. I have tried to reach out many times but I am blocked from communication through any of the social media accounts.

    God granted me another chance to be a mom. I now have an almost 11-year old daughter who was born with some disabilities. It was so difficult learning that she had some very rare conditions that would make life difficult. All of this was to be done with God and I. Her father is not in the picture at all. I suited up and showed up for the first few years of her life and then I succumbed to addiction. She was removed from my custody for 8 months. I had been begging God for help. I felt helpless and hopeless!

    Then….God stepped in big-time! I worked very hard at getting to know myself, working an AA program and communicating with God on a daily/continual basis. I am now 5.5 years sober, married to a wonderful for almost 6-months and my daughter is thriving.

    Did I see any of this while on the floor with my face in my hands? No, there was no way out, life was over and I was not aware of God’s mighty hand. I am now and I know that I just turn it over to God! I pray for the problem to be solved or shown how I can best serve Him and the solution just comes.

  48. I am right in the middle of a decision of whether or not to leave my husband of 27 years. We have 4 grown children and 2 beautiful granddaughters. I feel like I am being torn apart from the inside. I don’t know what to do and I am praying for God to clearly show me the way. I don’t want this to be my story but I trust God with every bit of my being, heart, body, mind and soul. His ways are higher and His plans for me are good.

  49. My story began shortly after marriage in 1983. I found out my husband had an affair, so I moved back home for a few months. I couldn’t eat, sleep, work, and I barely functioned. My parents and I sat in a circle one afternoon and prayed for my husband’s salvation. My Mom ended the prayer and when she said Amen, she got up and said “It’s done” and sat a place at the table for my husband. He didn’t come, but her faith inspired me and I too began praying for his salvation. On New Year’s Day he called and wanted to talk. I asked if he would go to church with me that night (it was a Sunday) and he was saved!!! We will celebrate 38 years of marriage the end of April and I look back and have no regrets. God has to bring us through heartache, pits, and valleys sometimes to draw us to Him and where we need to be. My husband and I have shared this story with several people through the years as our testimony to God’s faithfulness.

  50. Well my story is that 9 months ago God exposed to me that my husband had been having an 8 month affair. After 19 years of marriage. It totally destroyed me. I thought my life at 57 years old had ended. We had just built and moved Into our beautiful new home, I thought the world was great. Then I started. Reading the Bible 4 chapters per day with my sister and noticed her husband was sitting there with us (this was FaceTime Bc they live in Co. I’m in Ga.) listening answering questions when we had them. He knew the Bible . I said to her I wish Matt ( my husband) could answer questions like that. He doesn’t know the Bible and didn’t really care to. So I prayed to God to change Matt… to change his desire to want to pray with me , read with me, love me like God loves me. Well , that was probably April of 2020…on May 29th 2020 we were going to go out to dinner with friends and I was blow drying my hair and God clearly said to me “ go look at Matt’s phone”. I ignored it at first bc I never did that. God spoke again and I listened this time , got his phone , guessed at the code to open it, got it right and it opened. I didn’t know my world was about to crash to pieces. I found Text between he and his secretary. Meet me at this hotel at this room , bring the wine. This was only the day before May 28the they met . Omg it killed me. So I confronted him and he told me 8 months of that had been going on. BUT, through a lot of tears and prayer God did changed Matt. We are seeking counseling and have been . BUT God used that for good. He has changed the man I was married to. I wasn’t going to leave I was going to make this work and Matt fired that lady and stayed home with me for a month . Never left my side. He reads the Bible daily with me and my sister and brother in law and prays constantly…. I see him reading the Bible all the time . He is the husband now that I prayed for. God does answer prayer and he does turn water into wine… finest wine …

  51. I am in the middle of an excruciatingly painful, broken story. Our 25 yr. old son has bipolar, is manic and psychotic. It is very hard to admit that he is out of his mind and is in much need of fervent prayer for the Lord to heal him. I have struggled with a lifetime of depression and anxiety, low self esteem, emotional and sexual abuse, physical affliction, issues of unworthiness, abandonment, and a broken marriage. The weight of it all has been crushing. Yet God has given me the gift of Jesus Christ, His word, and His body of Christ in the form of saving faith, many excellent bible studies, wonderful intercessory prayer partners, small groups, and women’s ministry leaders to walk along side of me. Your book is encouraging me to step out, to admit the reality of my story, and to no longer hide in fear, guilt and shame from the pain. This very week I have been strong and courageous, stepping out into the light and sharing the truth of what’s going on with our son. He’s on the psyche ward of a mental hospital as I type these words. Yet I believe that God in His redemptive and victorious power will save Tim, and that one day in the future, my husband, he and I will have a marvelous, miraculous testimony to share of God’s amazing grace and transformative saving power to heal and to save that which was lost — wretches just like ourselves.

  52. I married very young to a man who I thought was going to become a pastor. He had had a very turbulent past and throughout our marriage drugs and alcohol were in the backdrop. I had brought baggage into our marriage too. There had been a lot of pressures at his work and honestly I hadn’t really been listening to him. He took out his frustration by holding me against the bathroom closet and choking me. To this day I don’t know why he let go. I left and stayed with friends hoping that he would get counseling and help and that our marriage could be restored. Instead I watched a downward spiral of him becoming someone I didn’t know at all. Later I found out that he had abused our daughter. This devasted me more than anything. I often wish he had just killed me than to do that. I am left with all the damages of his choices. And I wonder what did I do to deserve this? Why did my kids have to go through this. All my kids had a hunger for Jesus when they were little and save for my youngest have walked away. And he is questioning. My daughter too is making choices that are so self destructive because her heart isn’t healed. After 20 years of marriage this is not at all where I thought I would be. Having to start over in my 40’s with both financial and emotional struggles. Throughout though God has given me the word Yaweh. And reminded me that he is my husband and my provider. I don’t know why I am here or why my kids are in the place that they are in but I pray that God would use it, redeem it somehow and give purpose to all this pain. I don’t hate my x I just feel an incredible sadness for him and honestly just want permission to move forward and to move on. Thank you Sharon for this devotional. Just read the story of Tamar and it was so hard to read because it hit so close to home. But I am reminded that God sees our situation. I don’t know why he allowed it, but pray that he will restore and redeem our stories. 🌻

  53. On Jan. 1, 2021, I confronted my narcissist husband on his sex addiction and indiscretions. I told him if he wasn’t going to get help to leave. He seriously left. In tears, I called my BFF who lives 5 hrs away and told her he left, and she was coming this way. In the meantime, I was in a tragic explosive car accident. I broke my back and sternum and was air flighted to a hospital. Someone called the husband who called the BFF. She asked where he was and he said he was going to his mom’s. She told him he was my husband and needed to be here and so he turned around… with COVID, only one person was allowed to be at the hospital. Mark insisted my BFF come. While she was waiting for my 8 hr surgery to be over so she could visit with me, he took my guns, titles to vehicles, and all of his stuff… and left me and our minor daughter forever. He blamed and continues to blame our oldest daughter for all of this. She’s in therapy. I was a house painter and now am even blessed to just walk and be breathing. I may lose my business. I filed for divorce after 18 years, am in therapy, single mother to four wonderful children, applied to two universities to try to be a physician assistant to veterans, am trying to hold onto my paint business (I have a crew), may have to sell the house and move to a new city (daughter is a sophomore and only has 2 years of high school left), and am keeping the faith. And man, I am so broken-hearted. It’s so sad! This was the only way for God to slow me down.: break my back. He has my undivided attention. And somehow I happened on Sharon’s “When you don’t like your Story.” Let me tell y’all, God is so good. This door only closed because God has so much more than I can even fathom in store. I am so excited to see how the rest of this story plays out (it’s really His story if we’re going to be honest!). We belong to Him! We are princesses of the most High King! This all happened a little over 9 weeks ago. I just turned 45 yesterday. My verses are Proverbs 16:9 and 1 John 4:8. May God bless y’all and keep y’all!

  54. I was sexually abused by both of my parents. In addition, I was beaten by my father. I am 59 years old and I still carry the guilt and shame. God wants me to release it and tell my story to help others.

  55. Wow! What a God sent message! After 17 years of leadership, mentoring, and tough decision-making, I was recently told that our locally governing body believes I am not effective (I work for local government in upper management). My passion for my community is teetering, however the prayer to allow my tears to water seed of hope for someone else gave such peace. Thank you for your teachings and commitment!

  56. I suffered from Major Depression and Anxiety for over 19 years. It came in waves and sometimes were better than others. I questioned God, many times. I was mad at Him and I let Him know it! As a social worker, I thought….really God? I help others with these types of issues. I believe I thought that my education and specific career choice had “immunized” me against such things. Now, I look back and see what a crazy idea that was! Since December of 2014 I have enjoyed 7 years of what I refer to as “remission”. My medication regimen has managed my symptoms. It’s been a long journey, with many valleys and mountain tops and I have grown as a Christian and as a person. For some time, I have felt God impressing upon me to write a book to help others, especially professionals, to encourage and bring hope to them in their struggle with these very prevalent mental health issues. I have started it and today’s blog has reminded and inspired me to see it through…..thank you! Philippians 1:6

  57. Thank you for sharing today. It was 1989 when my Cody went to live with Jesus.
    I was 38 weeks into my pregnancy and felt him kicking and rolling over until one day it stopped.
    God sent me a dream that Cody would come live with Him only days before he left us. Through my tears that night I never once believed it. But, it did happen.
    I can still hear the doctor saying “there is no fetal heart beat”. I was literally sick to my stomach.
    All I could think of is my other son at school and only 8 years old wouldn’t understand his brother had left us. I couldn’t understand. I was so very angry. I went straight to the hospital and two days later delivered my lifeless son Cody. I cuddled his tiny body to mine rubbing my fingers over his curly hair, and ruby red lips not wanting to let him go. I tried desperately to understand why.
    Nothing made since for months. I was angry with God and wanted to know why. Why me? Why my son?
    Until one day God said to me why not?
    “I gave my only son for you.”
    From that day I began sending cards to women who lost a child during pregnancy and sharing with them my story and letting them know God’s got this. I would tell them
    Cody and there baby are playing on heavens play ground together.
    God strengthened me to share my story. I prayed that by sharing my story it would helped these ladies find peace thru Jesus Christ.

  58. These 3 questions I’ve asked on so many occasions through my life. I married at 19, had my first child at 20, got divorced at 21, had my second child at 21. Walked away from the Lord for 15 years, got married again at 31, we lost our second pregnancy to miscarriage, (our first we aborted). Here I am now at 40 walking with my faithful Savior again, looking back on a life full of hurt, mistakes, wrong choices, and shattered dreams. I can see God’s faithfulness through it all. He never left my side, He never walked away, He never punished me, He remained Loving, kind, and full of Grace. Because that’s who He is. My story belongs to Him, it’s His testimony of His unfailing love and His word kept (I will never leave you nor forsake you) praise and Glory to the Most High! May we always remember His faithfulness. May we know that our stories belongs to Him. Thank you Sharon for your encouragement!

  59. My parents both died when I was a teenager. My life had its ups and downs but I felt when I had my first child I had something that nobody could take away from me. I have been married a few times the first 2 failed terribly. I had another child and still felt the same that I would always have my girls no matter what. Well in their early 30’s they both decided that they didnt want me in their lives. That loss to me was the worse pain I have ever felt. But I have to say that the Lord has opened my eyes and showed me that HE is the ONLY one who will NEVER leave me. Although many times I have begged him to take me home I couldnt bear the pain any longer, I know he is with me through everything. And that he LOVES me more than anyone on this earth could. My girls are still not in my life and I pray for them often, and willl never stop loving them.

  60. I am 60 years of age. I have a 22 year old daughter. Went through a divorce after 37 years. My daughter was living back a fourth with both of us. I started drinking. It was a mess. She ended up finding her Dad in bed passed away two years ago. But I kept reassuring my daughter God can make a miracle out of my mistakes. And after years of fighting with in myself he has truly been my rock. I just lost a boyfriend to Cancer. They sent him home on hospice and he passed away at home with me. It was the hardest thing I have endured in my life. No one helped me. I just tried to pray. I do understand why people feel so alone. I had no one who truly understood what I was going through. But I knew God did. I was confused, lost and numb. I could feel nothing anymore. I did know how I was going to survive paying all the bills on my own. Rent alone was scary. I am now today this day March 9th 2021 Hoping I will not be homeless. I am struggling to keep my apartment. I have reached out to get help. But nothing. It’s sad I keep thinking where do I turn to. I am turning to trust God its all I have at this point. I am so grateful to you for all your encouraging words.

  61. I feel God is leading me to write about my separation and divorce after 35 yrs of marriage. I was extremely ill at the time and blindsided when he told me he wanted a divorce. It has been a difficult 4 yrs but like Job I had heard of Jesus my book knowledge was fantastic, I thought I had a good relationship with Him but since the separation my eyes have seen and my ears have heard Him. There is no one like our friend and companion Jesus. I am still standing for my marriage as the Lord has asked me to. It is painful at times but God is good and always is there for me to see me through. Thank you for your message and work! Hugs! Godspeed!

  62. I have many stories of faith. My story to share began July 28th 2016. I was on my way home from work. I was hit head on, on a bridge just minutes from home. I saw the truck coming in my lane, I thought he was trying to pass, so I moved over as far right as I could and came to a stop, still holding the brake firmly, as I didn’t want to get pushed over the side. The man that hit me, had a stroke and was unconscious. He passed away. I had multiple fractures…7 broken ribs, broken sternum, and my right foot severely damaged, but in the seconds up to the crash I asked Jesus to take the wheel and if he had a purpose left for me, then I knew I would survive. I had the most calming presence with me, it is indescribable. Euphoric…. I was elated to be alive…but I also knew that the holy spirit was with me in those moments. It has taken several years and surgeries to get where I am today. I have often questioned why me? Why did I have to endure this? The man died anyhow. As many of us often ask. I now have the answer….or at least I think I do. My father has recently been diagnosed with cancer. We have had numerous talks about his cancer. He has really opened up to me and is confiding in me. He told me he really didn’t believe until my accident. He began to believe in God after that. He believes that God spared my life. I love to share my story about his presence with me during that accident, I want everyone to know that God’s presence is with us! Everything in the front of the car was thrown into the back…. except…. my bible. It was in the back seat, and somehow landed under my brake pedal. My daughter found it there when she went to clean out my car. My dad has heard me tell this story many times. He is so happy for my survival. He has told me that my accident is what brought him to Jesus. My accident wasn’t in vein. It may have saved my daddy’s soul. so, now I think I know why… and I am very happy that I could have been a part in doing that! He is asking for prayers, please pray for his full and complete healing. All blessings for our heavenly father.

  63. My life is good, compared to many, but there has been more then one occasion when I felt “Why me”? I had gone back to school at the age of 40 to receive my grade 12, then I moved on to become a Health Unit Clerk in 2015, the road was tough but what was even tougher is finding a job in the Health Field only to leave it 18 mos later. I had no idea why God brought me here, to go through the course, to work in the field, now I am working for a property management company as a manager, quite the change but I know it was guided from God, but here I sit and I am struggling again with life. I have been off work now since Feb 18, I.am supposed to go back on March 15, and I have started counselling but I still wonder why I still struggle with having to take time off due to mental health. I know God is always here for me I just would like the rough waters to stop for just a moment.

  64. I can’t have children either. I’m a survivor of all kinds of abuse and started turning away from God but He’s my only hope

  65. Thank you for sharing this, I so enjoy your perspective. Something difficult I’m going through now is just a difficult relationship with a family member and not having any idea how to make changes or really be able to have peace with this person, at least not consistently.

  66. 1999 was the strangest year. I had just turned 18 and left home. But I was sheltered my entire childhood. Stepping out in the open world has left me stunned, confused. Lost and nervous. But I was excited to explore. But slowly, something dark hung over me.
    Within six months, I’ve found a job, made friends and got my first apartment.
    Quickly as that happened, I also lost everything. One night I have given up so much hope that I found no answer at the end. I’ve been rushed to the hospital twice because I felt the needs to end my life.
    I learned then that people I was friends with were not true friends. They have taken so much out of me; my time, my mind, my body. My money, my home, my peace.
    One day later in the year, jobless and alone, I wandered through downtown broken and lost.
    Two women and one man came up to me with a huge smile on their face. “We are having worship and pizza party tonight. You are welcome to join us!”
    Why not, I thought. I got nothing better to do.
    When we closed up with prayer, I fell down on my knees and cried out to God.
    “I’ve lost everything. I’ve given up on everything. I have nothing left, no hope. One thing I’ve yet tried giving up on is IN You, God. Take me as I am, I am done. I am nothing. I am noone. I have nothing to give. Take me now, Lord.”
    Light broke through and there was a huge smile on my face as I felt the heaviness lift off my shoulders.
    A month later, I found a job and paid off my debts within six months.
    God can hear you. He sees you. Especially in the darkest day of your life. He is there.

  67. This is hard because I feel like I am stuck in my pain. I have end stage renal disease and am awaiting a transplant. I have been waiting for 2 years now and have been told it could be 1 to 3 more years or more. My brother and daughter are matches, but have refused to donate. I have another daughter who is not a match. I don’t understand why God has allowed me to go through dialysis every night along with an eye disease. It just doesn’t seem fair. I see so many people who don’t suffer and I just don’t see why I have to go through this. I know he has a plan, but it is just hard right now. Thank you for your devotionals.

  68. On Friday, July 21, 2016 my life and world turned upside down and kept spiraling out of my control. I was biking to work this morning to a new job i had just started that Monday. As I was biking I was struck by a car that turned into the wrong lane over the median sending me flying and flat on my back. I broke both my tibia and fibula on my left leg, dislocated my left shoulder, and fractured my right wrist. About a month after this accident I had to get out of my home as it was in foreclosure and the sale was final. We packed up and cleaned out the house not knowing where we were going to go. We stayed in a hotel for a week till an apartment we ended up with was ready to move in. A week later on October 10, 2016 my daughter came to the door to my room crying saying that my son, Dylan, tried to commit suicide. We rushed to the hospital to find out he did not make it. Two days later my husband was told he needed to have an emergency surgery on his neck as his spinal cord is being squeezed and even a slight wrong movement could leave him paralyzed.. November 10 is my son, Dylan’s birthday, He would have turned 16, and the day my husband underwent a four level neck fusion. The days that followed were dark and hard. My husband and I fought and our marriage almost ended. Since than we have been homeless and my husband and I lived in one hotel room with my oldest stepson, his girlfriend her 2.5 yr old and newborn grandson for 4 months. My husband underwent another back surgery while we were homeless staying at the hotel and my now daughter in law left for a week as I too walked away for a night as we fought and had to move from hotel to hotel and kicked out the day after Christmas. We have been living together in an apartment for two years now that we are outgrowing and we have been told we have 28 days to leave as the landlord will not renew our lease. We are torn as to stay together or separate as our son and daughter in law are expecting there third child and my husband and I are awaiting disability determinations.

    Through all this the Lord has shown he is with us. I was listening to music when I was hit by the car, the song Holy Spirit by Francesca Battistelli, and the Lord made it know to me that he repeated the song as I did not have it on repeat and he made sure I knew he filled the atmosphere with his spirit. The Lord came through for the apartment in the last hours before we had to leave our house. I called into work the day my son took his life as I wasn’t feeling well so I was home for my daughter when she got the news. Our pastor helped relieve some financial stress and counseled my husband and I. THe Lord has gone before us and has never abandoned us. He has proven through all this pain and turmoil that he is loving, kind, just, faithful…

    So despite my current situation that I again find myself in needing to leave and no sure way on my own as to where, what, when, how, etc I know the Lord can be trusted.

    Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
    Do Not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.

    Lord I pray you use my story to encourage someone today who is in the middle of a trial and not sure where you are that there eyes are opened to see you right there with them as you have been and are with me. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.

    1. Absolutely beautiful testimony and Bless your Heart for being such a beautiful soul yourself! God’s light shines so greatly through your story it’s truly moving and inspiring! We all need a reminder to keep on keeping on or as I say keep on praying on! Remain still in Him and peaceful and loving at heart and through all trials He will always Be There! Thank you for sharing your story, May God always be with you and your family too!

  69. I’ve read so many of the comments and I feel my plight pales in comparison to others who have been through so much.
    So encouraged through all the testimonies here that indeed the God that we serve is faithful, able and in control of each and every situation that unfolds in our lives.

    As much as it is hard to comprehend, He alone knows which twist and turn in our life will help draw us closer to Him as compared if everything was smooth sailing.

    I believe through every heartache I experienced, every loss of opportunity, every failure, every regret or every inadequacy, our God is stronger and can take all these broken pieces and piece together a wonderful masterpiece!

  70. Thank you for sharing your story. I loss my childhood best friend, my prayer partner, my soulmate on March 27, 2020. It was unexpected. He devoted his life to Christ. He was young and as we think we have time. He took sick.I prayed and prayed to God. The way I wanted my prayer to be answered was not so. I am struggling and mad because I am. I am so loss without him. What do I do, where do I turn. Heart broken into pieces. I want to just be left alone. I struggle to get up. I know who God is but, my flesh has been bruised. I am angry on how he passed and I know I shouldn’t be. Christian who has been broken and trying to find her way back in the new norm. Why, what, how, when, and then some.

  71. 2018 was/is a year that is etched in my heart/mind…my husband, who I thought adored me left. To this day I am not “positive” of what took place the 10 months he was gone. Shortly after he left I felt God telling me “to love him through it”. I began reading the book “A Fierce Love”, searching for answers in His word and praying for guidance and of course for him to come home. God provided what I needed and carried me through that time. Our 27 yr old daughter with special needs was also praying for him to come home “for her birthday”..I couldn’t and didn’t discourage her faith (because others had done that to me) but just simply said if that’s what God wants, that I felt like it was but I’m not God.. Well her bday was Nov 4 and he told me was coming on Nov 4 . On Dec 17 our daughter went home to be with Jesus and I miss her something fierce😭 and still don’t understand why she didn’t get to enjoy him being home but for a short time.. That year is not a chapter I wanted in my story…but God transformed both my husband and myself..things are still not where “I” would like them to be…but we are a work in progress.

  72. I had been told for years that I could never conceive. Then we did! Miracle! But no heartbeat, and we were devastated. We may never completely understand, but we can trust God.

  73. Oh, how I needed this! The past year has been the toughest of my life. My 4 year old son had surgery, I miscarried and then 2 months later found out that the miscarriage hadn’t completed and I had to have a d&c to clear the infection. My 37 year old husband was diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a night in the hospital, after which he had to have countless tests to find out why this had happened. I was laid off from my job as a nurse for 2 months. My husband had an accident and dislocated his foot from his ankle and kept him out of work for 2 months at the same time as I was laid off. I have questioned my faith more in this past year than I ever have before. But slowly, I’m beginning to see God’s hand move through everything that happened. I’m beginning to sleep again and not let fear claim my mind every night. I have no idea what the end of this chapter in my story is, but I know that God has not left me. He is still working behind the scenes and will somehow turn this past year into good for his glory. Thank you so much for the reminder this morning!!

  74. This has been my story and so much more. Parts of my life that I wish I could share are such a blur. Should haves are killing me.

  75. My name is Nicole and I’m a recovering addict whom recently got baptized in an old country church where my preacher wore wading boots under his gown! I live and literally breath today bc of my savior Jesus Christ! I stand tall, even though I’m short 😃 bc of My Lord Father! My spouse and I recently moved back home to Florida from Tennessee. During that long, cold, snow driven time, God totally showed off in not just our lives but so many more around us! He peacefully welcomed my father-in-law into heaven & gave him the most beautiful set of wings after he had a painful time with lung cancer! Shortly after, my mother-in-law ended up falling into the devil’s hands and turned back to drugs, leading to an unstable environment in the household! After being kicked out into the streets during the middle of a pandemic, my spouse and I moved on our own literally with our 2006 Saturn Ion a.k.a. “Betsy,” a couple duffle bags of clothes, and our spoiled little furball feline, Munster! God lead us straight to a Christian woman whom had a rental eventually ending not so well but we’ll get to that soon! God opened doors to church after church helping us get furniture and mainly a bed so we were no longer sleeping on cardboard boxes on the floor in our bedroom! Soon after we met the neighbors, such beautiful souls, God continued carving our paths walking us right into joining the local church! Here’s where it gets good… Boom soon after, I was baptized in muddy waters in the name of the The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit! How wonderful right, every single up and down my spouse and I went thru was for a reason, Jesus is the reason for the Season! The landlord ended up refusing to fix major repairs causing alot of damage to our floors, pipes included, leaving us a wet mess of mold! I grew very ill due to an allergy to mold along with having celiac disease which is an auto immune issue! Even at this point the Devil couldn’t win a single inch, because with God All Things Are Possible, Matthew 19:26! We fought hard every day to continue to work and go to church faithfully and in doing so the next chapter of our lives began, thank you Lord! When we were finally given the green light from God, we eventually ventured back to Florida where we have joined an absolutely amazing church family! Lord Father, thank you for it all, every month, day, hour, and second of it, let your will be done, In Jesus Name I Pray Amen Sista!

  76. I too have a similar story as you, except mine starts differently. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 5 years when we got pregnant with our 1st son! About a year or so after he was born, we found out we were pregnant again…long story short, he wanted me to abort it. I didn’t really want to but didn’t want another baby either, so, my mom took me to the nearest city that did those and even though I was 12 weeks along they aborted my child!! Fast forward to my 2nd husband and I’m 40 years old and we decide we want another baby. So, we try and get pregnant 2 x’s I miscarried!!! I was devastated after the 1st one but thought it must’ve been consequences for the abortion. But, after 2 miscarriages I was angry with God. I prayed Hannah’s prayer from the Bible and then became pregnant with my son that is now 8 years old! I do have to say, I have asked God for forgiveness for the way I distanced myself from Him after the 2 miscarriages!

  77. I am currently living with my mother and my 13 yo daughter after my marriage of 14 years ended after my husband’s battle with alcoholism turned into an abusive violent rage. The man who used to be my husband and friend is now homeless, jobless, and absent from our daughters life. I have to go through telling my daughter all about these heartbreaking things and shielding her questions. So many tears have been shed but I get the opportunity to lead by example and show her Jesus. God is good and I know He has a good ending and beauty hidden among these ashes.

  78. For the past 21 years, my life has been one bad thing after another. There have been small blessings interspersed, but not enough to counter the yucky stuff. I just keep wondering when things will get better, when will I ever be out of survival mode. Lately, it just feels like things are getting harder and harder. I want to pull the covers over my head and hide for a bit, catch my breath for a moment, but I have to keep going, keep treading water so I don’t go under. I am trying to do God’s will, but sometimes I wonder if all the pain is worth it.

  79. My story is that even though we lose our way God is always there to help us back up. Life is not a bundle of roses and what hard times we go through Our Lord can make it like it has never happened. I went through chilld abuse and one I realized it was not a part of my life anymore the pain was gone and the Lord had healed me, and it was like it never happened . Our Lord is good. This is a little part of my story.

  80. Im IN IT RIGHT NOW. . I am a 36 year old widowed with 2 – 3 year old little boys I just don’t understand how God could give me someone so great and then just take them away. I trust him but I m angry

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