When You Feel You’ve Fallen Too Far

Sharon Jaynes A Sudden Glory, Dealing with Your Past, Forgiveness, Living Free, Living Fully 55 Comments

I wish you could sit with me for one day and read the emails that come to my inbox. Some rip my heart out. Such was the case with the one I’m going to share with you today. This dear sister has graciously granted me permission to share it. This blog is a bit long, but I really want you to to get it. I want to get it.

Dear Sharon

I just read one of your devotions on receiving grace and forgiveness. You mentioned a woman who had an affair and destroyed her marriage. You mentioned how she refused to forgive herself. That really touched me because, you see, eight years ago I had an affair, got pregnant, and had an abortion. That is the first time I ever actually put those words in writing. I can barely look at what I just typed on the screen.

My marriage was terrible. My husband never paid any attention to me and we argued all the time. And then a man at work began telling me how pretty I was and how good I smelled. It felt good to be noticed. I knew it was wrong, but I slept with him, and not just once.

Somehow, I managed to hide it from my kids and my husband. I even went to church on Sundays, but this sin was eating me alive. No one knew. One day, the stick turned blue. I was pregnant. In order to hide the sin, I had an abortion. I didn’t even tell the baby’s father. Sin upon sin. I was sin sick and hated myself.

Not too long after that horrible day, I did turn back to God. I confessed my sin, truly repented, but I’ve never felt clean. That was eight years ago and I still can’t let go. I wish I could go back and change things. I would willingly give my life to bring this child back. And while I know what the Bible says, that God will forgive us if we confess our sins, I just have a hard time believing it. How could I have done this? How could He forgive me?

 I was a Christian when I had the affair and abortion. I was far from Him at the time, but I did know what I was doing was wrong. My eyes were wide open. I think this is why it is so hard for me to accept God’s forgiveness. Sometimes, grace just doesn’t make sense. The enemy tells me I’m no good. I think the Holy Spirit is trying to speak to me, but I am having a hard time believing.

How can I forgive myself?

This email comes to me hundreds of times every year. The names are different, the situations are varied, but the underlying theme is the same…I can’t forgive myself. Grace just doesn’t make sense. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.

And these women are right…grace doesn’t make earthly sense. We don’t deserve it. We keep reliving the Garden story, believing Satan’s lie, and then grace shows up with an outstretched hand. “I don’t deserve it,” we cry. And we’re right.

Grace, by its very definition, is unmerited favor from God or a gift we don’t deserve. But until we accept God’s grace and forgiveness, Satan will hold us in the vise grip of guilt, and we’ll miss moments of sudden glory as we hide in Eden’s bushes of shame.

God calls out, “Where are you?”

No matter what you have done, God has made a way for you to be set free – a very costly toll has been paid for the road to your restoration. Jesus gave His life that you might have not only eternal life after physical death, but life filled with moments of sudden glory beginning at your spiritual birth.

I in no way want to diminish the seriousness of sin. Neither do I want to lessen the truth of grace. Refusal of the Christian to repent and dogged determination to continue a lifestyle of sin, spits in the face of what Christ did on the cross. Unconfessed sin draws the shade on God’s glory gifts. Confession and repentance raises the curtain once again for God’s glory to shine through.

When we say, “but I don’t feel forgiven,” that is like saying that what Jesus did on the cross is not enough. Why should we require more from ourselves than our Creator requires of us?

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….” (Romans 8:1). None. God’s grace river washes away the devil dams of shame and condemnation that block the glory life flow.

If you are feeling condemnation for past sins that you have already asked God to forgive, that condemnation is not coming from God. Once you have repented and asked God to forgive you, it is finished, over and done with, wiped away.

If feelings of condemnation persist, they are a result of listening to the accusations of the enemy as he tries to keep you behind those bushes and away from union and communion with God. Believe the truth. Walk in the truth and it will lead you to moments of sudden glory all around.

[tweetherder]Satan knows that the slightest whisper of guilt is easily received by a fragile heart plundered by life.[/tweetherder] Do not let him convince you to remain in hiding. If you have been crouching in Eden’s bushes of shame, listen closely. That sound you hear is God walking your way. Whispering your name. Do you hear it? Singing love songs of grace. Inviting you to stroll with Him in the garden of your heart where He has taken up permanent residence.

Where are you? I want to commune with you? I want to show you glimpses of glory. 

I hope you will say with me…Here I am Lord.

Leave a comment and let’s answer God’s invitation to intimacy together.

Comments 55

  1. I feel so far from God because I keep falling and repenting.I want to truly believe I have been completely forgiven as I have run back once more and I don’t want to ever go back to the life of sin. I get so scared God has given up on me.

    1. Oh sweet sister…God can NOT give up on you! He has PROMISED to never leave or abandon us and here’s why. Once we receive Jesus Christ, His Spirit comes to live within us. God tells us we are actually “sealed” with the Spirit:

      “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Ephesians 4:30 NIV)

      I like the way New Living Translation says it:

      “And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.”

      When we are given the “truths” of Scripture and then reject them by how we live, that grieves God’s Spirit. It brings sorrow to Him. Why? Because once we know God’s truth on something He wants us to believe it. :o) Not continue to live as though it isn’t true. If we do that we’re saying we don’t trust Him. Wouldn’t that grieve you if someone said they don’t trust you and yet you’ve been completely honest?

      If God were to give up on us, He’d have to abandon Himself since His Spirit is within us! He will never do that. Instead, He offers us His grace in our times of need (which is always if you’re like me!)

      “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16 NIV)

      That’s what makes His mercy so jaw dropping and His grace so amazing. So tender. So wonderful. And once we know that He is here to stay with us – no matter how many mistakes we make – we begin to worship Him more, adore Him more, and love Him more…and…THAT very grace that He lavishes down upon us is what causes our hearts to be deeply grateful to the point that we want Him to change us because we don’t want that particular sin in our lives any more. Look at His truth to us:

      “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you. (Titus 2:11-15 NIV)

      If we really understood how powerful and wonderful God’s grace is, we’d live differently. We would stop living by “rules” and religious “doings” and instead live out of a heart so full of gratitude and love towards Jesus that it would alter our actions. We’d say “No” to sin not as a”duty” but out of deep reverence and passion and gratitude that gushes forth every moment because of our intimate relationship with Jesus and the miraculous gift He’s given us of being able to walk with Him every moment of the day. We won’t be “perfect” as the world calls perfect meaning without flaw, but we’ll perfect as God calls us to be, meaning mature, and we’ll do it all with His great help…one baby step at a time.

      So, kick out the lies from the enemy…and replace them with God’s wonderful truths. You’ll see things so differently and out of His truths you’ll begin to live differently as well.

      Much love,

    2. Thank you for this article. Im feeling exactly the same way. I decided I wanted to make some changes in my life spiritually and the devil have me focusing more on my sins until Im having anxiety attacks and break out in hives. I cant seem to focus on God, because now the hives seem to be a distraction and now I have more anxiety because Im not sure if the hives are from stress or an underlying cause. Im terrified.

      1. I’m going through something similar. God would speak to me and I heard him so easily even through the spiritual gifts of knowledge, wisdom and prophecy He so easily poured into my heart. . God answered my prayers frequently and He even showed up in person one night in my bedroom and answered my prayer in person. I was also blessed with many miracles. Even the kind people write about in books and show up in movies with. I was very blessed! I was deeply tight with Jesus, then one night my immune system went hay wire and I came down with six autoimmune diseases over the course of a few years, but because of constant strife between my husband and I, I got sick from it. But even then God was still blessing me and He miraculously healed me. Over a year I got it all back again. It came back and took most of my health to the point we’re my relationship with Jesus struggled. I was hurting from nerve pain and I would fall asleep easily reading the Word. The pain kept me deathly ill to the point I almost died four years into it. I overcame years later but not to the point where I was well again. Years went by and these diseases took the ability to spend time with God and my time was spent with the flesh and into doctors, appointnents and the illnesses instead of the Lord. I cried out to God so many times trying to reach Him, I missed Him so desperately, but no matter how much I did, I still didn’t hear him respond. I kept repenting and trying to reach God. One day I really began to beg and get really desperate, I was afraid He had given up on me. I was afraid I lost my salvation. So I found ways to overcome my disability and paced while I prayed and read the Word. Still I would get bits and pieces of answers to prayers, nothing like the past. Something is in the way and I don’t know what it is. I’ve asked so many times for God to reveal it and still no answer. I’ve repented from everything I can think of, but still I struggle with strife between my husband and I. I’ve joined a powerful prayer group and have returned to the basics. But still no break throughs. I’ve asked so many times for God to tell me what’s wrong. I’ve done all kinds of things and repented in every way possible, but still I’m not getting the relationship I so desire to have again. I so desperately want my closeness back with God, do you think it’s possible I back slide so much from sin and this disease, that God wouldn’t forgive me? My husband antagonistizes me like a bratty big brother does and he belittles me, thats how the arguing starts and why I haven’t gotten over it. I repent and it starts over again almost every day. I even left him in 2007 believing if I didn’t the strife would eventually kill me. But he changed and we remarried. Harmony stayed with us for six years and then he went back to the same ways. I repent every time we figh but we can’t seem to stop. I read in Gal 5: 19-21 that God has certain sins he doesn’t allow people in heaven for, do you think that is what is my problem? I need help, I need a breakthrough. If the Lord is speaking to you about this for me, I sure would be grateful for a answer. Please text me, I’m not sure I know how to get back here after I leave. 2698389601 Janelle

        1. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

          Isaiah 43:2

          I won’t ever leave you, Sis. He loves you dearly. Keep seeking Him! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve screwed up abd yet He’s still been there for me. I’m praying for you!! If you need anything, my email is threebirth98@gmail.com

        2. I am a man. I have loved the Lord, so much. He has been so good to me. Yet I have been so weak in my faith and trust in Him.
          I feel like I am one of the worst failures. I have failed Him so much. I feel I have failed my family. I hope and pray that you are so right, that no matter what, He remains faithful in His Love for me, His Mercy, Grace, and Forgiveness for me. May His Loving Grace for me be greater than my sins and my weak faith and trust in Him.
          Please pray for me. I hope that God has not, and will not give up on me.

    3. Hi, Sharon I am a man but something tells me you won’t mind my writing this since I believe I’m in the right place regardless of this site being kinda tailored for women (my mom committed suicide 40 years ago I am 42 right now and it is 10:33 pm on mother’s day ) I figured you wouldn’t mind. I am blown away by what I just read in a VERY GOOD AND RELIEVING WAY. What a relief to read what I just read. I’m not going to go into what sins I’ve committed because it doesn’t matter …ILL JUST SAY IM A SINNER WHO HAS STRUGGLED WITH THIS VERY SAME THING “THE GUILT AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I’VE ASKED JESUS IN MY HEART AND ASKED THE LORD ALMIGHTY TO FORGIVE ME” Let me just be brief and say what a blessing it was to stumble on your site and read that woman’s testimony and to finally be able to let all the guilt out for good and start from a clean slate. God Bless you and thanks for taking your time to do this site….I am forever grateful I just read that. I bet your a mother so HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY (NIGHT) 🌙. QUICK QUESTION…WHAT ARE THE CHANCES MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER BRENDA KREMER BOHNERT COULD STILL BE IN HEAVEN EVEN THOUGH SHE COMITTED SUICIDE JUST LIKE HER MOTHER DID MY GRANDMOTHER …BECAUSE I’VE HEARD MORE THAN ONCE ITS ONE OF THE SINS THAT ARE UNFORGIVABLE. MY LAST QUESTION IS I WAS BAPTIZED AS A BABY SINCE MY FAMILY WAS CATHOLIC HOWEVER I AM OF NO PARTICULAR DENOMINATION AS I THINK IF YOUR A CHRISTIAN YOUR A CHRISTIAN. MY QUESTION IS THOUGH DO I NEED TO GET BAPTIZED AGAIN NOW THAT IVE BEEN FORGIVEN AS A MAN AFTER I COMMITTED MY SINS? OR IS ONCE ENOUGH ? I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ANY RESPONSE YOU WOULD GIVE. THANK YOU AGAIN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART….GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

      1. Post

        Dale, I have never read in the Bible that suicide is unforgivable. That thought has been passed down through the years, but it is not backed up by Scripture. As for baptism, there is no Scripture that back up infant baptism as a symbol of salvation. Many denominations support infant baptism, but that is not believer’s baptism. If you feel that you would like to be baptized as a believer, then by all means do! I’m sure it would be very meaningful for you. Baptism is an outward sign of an inward commitment. It is the inward commitment to Christ that opens the way to salvation. This is a very simple explanation, but I’m just speaking of baptism.

    4. Aisha,
      Let me start by saying that the most important thing here is that you have the desire to change by repenting, it doesn’t matter if you keep on falling, we live in a world that belongs to the enemy and so as long as we live we will constantly be tempted to sin. As long as you keep seeking for God’s face and ask him to forgive you He will always extend His hand of grace and forgive you EVERY TIME. Now if you were a person who showed no remorse for the sins constantly committed then that’s the only sin God is not able to forgive, this is what the bible calls “hardness of the heart”. In this case you are not recognizing your sins and don’t feel the need to confess and repent. This is a very sad situation because in this case God will not force you to want to seek Him and repent from your sins. He is such a gentleman that He lets us use the gift of free will. So as long as in your heart you feel the need to repent from your sins by seeking God He will always be faithful to His word and forgive and transform you when you seek him with all your heart. May God bless you always!

  2. Thank you so very much for sharing that. I battle satan every day telling myself that God has forgiven me and I love Him and humbly accept His forgiveness. However the battle never seems to end and the slighteset thing can bring everything up again and I find myself wallowing in guilt. I’m not going to give up though because ” I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me”.
    I really needed that boost this morning.
    God Bless you Sharon
    Thank you for sharing that story

  3. Sharon,
    I wonder if the condemnation sometimes comes from fearing what others would say if they knew our stories. I know in my life I have found myself paralyzed not by feeling I’m not forgiven by God but knowing that others would condemn if they knew. So fear of people can be a huge influence too. Just a thought.

  4. What do you do with a Father (God) that would send His only SON to die for all of your sins including murder, adultery, lying, stealing, and just plain disobedience. You embrace Him with humility and pray with a grateful heart that He will continue to keep us (you) from falling into the snares of the devil who desires to keep our minds on the sins we have committed so that we will not experience His joy, peace, and most of all Love. You are right we don’t deserve it. But God commended His love toward us in that while we were yet SINNERS, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. God loves you and if you have accepted Him into your heart ALL of your sins have already been forgiven. Now we can by God’s grace live with the truth we have been set free forever. John 8: 32.

  5. This is what I need to hear today. Although I did not physically have an affair I left my controlling abusive husband after reconnecting with an old friend. I was tired of being my husbands emotional punching bag and filed for divorce. While I am glad to be away from him my guilt comes from growing up in a family where divorce was considered a sin and I hate that I ripped apart my step childrens lives for a second time. I was their step mother for 17 years as their dad and mom also had an ugly divorce. I am working through forgiving myself but it is not always easy. Thank you for your words of wisdom! May God bless you. Sandy

  6. Just beautiful, Sharon. Thank you for your truthful words and reminder of God’s great grace. If God can forgive us, who are we to not forgive ourselves? I have lived in those bushes of shame, but not any more. I don’t want to miss any more glory moments…they are too precious!!

  7. I was Nudged this morning that one of the devotionals in my email would be significant. I am considering a change of vocation and I was certain the one that would jump out at me would be along those lines. I read the first one. No dice. It didn’t speak to me. The second one was ok, but I deleted it, believing the third one held the message *I* was supposed to get today. It was, but it had nothing to do with my vocational focus.

    I am almost to a T the woman who blogged you. I realized I had never asked God for forgiveness. I knew he forgave me, and wasn’t that enough? No, no it isn’t/ If someone brings you a birthday gift and hands it to you but you don’t open it, how can your life (or the lives of others) be changed by it, and so it is with Grace. I discovered this morning that in the asking, I am a better recipient.

    Please thank the woman whose letter is above. Her transparency with others is a Gift.

  8. Such a powerful piece, really spoke to me as I can identify with some of her past. Over the past few years it seems my past is coming back to haunt me more and more every day. Some days I try to push the guilt and memories down and other days it seems I can’t get away from it. My sins are so huge in my mind, I can’t speak of them much less write them down. And like her I cannot begin to fathom how God can forgive me. I’ve asked God to forgive me, but never had the broken down on my knees consumed with tears, etc. experience. So does this mean I haven’t really truly asked for forgiveness? I am so consumed with guilt, fear that I haven’t done it properly and that He has not forgiven me. Yet through all that I did and still fall short, God has blessed me tremendously. Then I look at people who in my opinion are such awesome God loving people and yet they are struck down with bad things, such as a past Pastor who had cancer, believed to be free from and then to find out it’s back and at same time his wife found out she had cancer and had a double masectomy. How can those two people who have never done anything to hurt anyone, lived as God asked and loved Him with all their heart be subjected to such things and yet I who have done unspeakable things, have been blessed all my life? I truly am in such turmoil which keeps me down and from believing that He could possibly forgive me. I can’t seem to let it go and believe! Your post “I can’t forgive myself. Grace just doesn’t make sense. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.” is my motto, every moment of my life. I feel like the only way I will ever know that He has truly forgiven me is to be hit up side the head by a two by four. Thank you so much for this post, I think I need to keep reading it over and over. It’s awful not knowing within if you have been forgiven, truly. And all the blessings in my life are they from Him (which I choose to try to believe) or is it just that I’m one of the fortunate ones?

  9. THANK YOU!! AMEN!! You message so needs to be accepted by Christians. So many do not understand God’s grace

  10. I was abused when I was a child, it goes back to when I was a infant. Don’t remember much but what I do remember, I wish it would go away but thank God that I can call on Him and I’m am overwhelmed with His peace and mercy. What happened to me as a child and a adult has made me the person I am today. I don’t look toward the past like satan wants me to, I look toward the future like God wants me to and all the wonderful gifts and treasures that God has in store for me in eternity. Thank God for all the blessings and mercy He has bestowed on me. Thank Him for giving His one and only Son for a person like me. Thank Him for his forgiveness. Love you God! Your daughter rhonda

  11. This is beautiful and so well put with love in the writing. Thank you for sharing. God’s grace is overwhelming. His love unending. God bless you and yours.

  12. Thank you for that reminder. Although I don’t think as often of my sin of abortion as I used to, the enemy still brings it to mind sometimes to tell me I am not good enough and not deserving. The enemy is strong in his attacks and knows right where our weakness lies. God often leads us back to truth through the words of others. If God doesn’t condemn me, then who am I to keep condemning myself!!

  13. I AM HERE LORD! I am trying Lord! Trying to figure out how to REST and to BELIEVE and leave everything to You. I consciously know that You do have everything in my life under Your control. And that is comforting. But the devil keeps yelling in my ears, “You are not worthy!” And something inside of me says, “you are right. I am not worthy.” Help me to also say, “but I am the righteousness of God by faith in Christ Jesus and His GRACE makes me worthy!!” Praise the Lord for he is good; his mercy & grace endures forever more!!! Amen! Amen!

  14. I’ve battled and am currently battling depression. My life is immensely blessed but something is missing. I blame my husband’s lack of attention; that doesn’t work. I blame my kids growing up and leaving; that doesn’t work either. I blame my work environment; that doesn’t work.

    I realized this morning its my lacking relationship with God. My joy is gone; I am missing intimacy with Him. I feel so weak, timid and ashamed for I have allowed me and my family to drift away from God.

    I hear Satans lies telling me I’m not good enough, not smart enough, why does my family even love me I don’t deserve it.

    Frankly I am scared to get back into a relationship with him due to past and current transgressions. I know he has forgiven me…cant tell you how many times I have read and heard that in bible studies, church services, and from current family members. Never internalized it though; Grace is for more deserving people.

    I need courage and this mornings email has shown me that I need to grab hold of his Grace and never let go…

    Thank you!

  15. I am blown away by this e-mail. Just what I needed to hear! Isn’t that just like God? Trusting Him more for everything, not just the big things, realizing that He cares about everything in my life. No need for me to “try harder”! Just rest in Him and be still and know that He is God!

  16. I kept thinking of Psalm 103 as I read this devotional. It is a powerful reminder of what God does for us in His mercy. Some of the highlights follow:

    Praise the Lord, O my soul … who forgives all your sins … who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion … He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:1, 3, 4,10-12

    I feel swept clean just reading it!

  17. This story is just what I needed to hear. I often have doubts of God’s love for me, since I’ve become a Christian. And question my salvation, I feel like I made more mistakes after knowing him, and feel like I’m never going to be good enough. I realize I haven’t been listening to God but the enemy. I know that God hasn’t left me but I have felt such shame that I walked away from him. Thank you for this ministry, I really thought that there was no hope for me. Jesus does love me and want me.

  18. I too felt like God would not forgive me after having an affair. In my case he divorced his wife and we married as I was a widow. I’ve asked forgiveness many times but always felt I had to do more. I have thought about telling his kids or mine or even his ex wife. Now that I have read this I no longer feel that way. Thank you

  19. This story is very familiar to mine but I did not become pregnant by the grace of God. I knew all these scriptures about forgiveness and knew God had forgiven me but could not forgive myself. One day though He, God, spoke to me and asked me if I thought I was better than Him. This really brought me to my knees. I said no Lord no way. He said if I would not forgive myself that is exactly what I was doing. If we don’t forgive ourselves we are putting ourselves above God and making an idol out of this. I pray that this will also help others to forgive theirselves as well.

  20. Hello Sharon, commenting on

    When you feel you’ve fallen to far.

    I too had an abortion at the age of 17, I was in HS. I felt guilty, dirty, unworthy until I confessed (at the age of 36) and was given absolution. That being said, I’m not certain it’s that we wonder if the aborted baby was a girl or boy. Every year I remember that dreadful moment and think my baby would be 35. I use to cry when I remembered, I have finally come to accept what I did and how wrong it was. I am now 52, I remember and I pray for my baby, and I tell him what a coward I was and how sorry I am, to please forgive me. Could that be it Sharon, we want forgiveness from our baby?
    YSIC & Warm Regards

  21. Thank you, with a smililar story, I concur that although I didn’t always understand Grace, I received His forgiveness, It required supernatural changes within me because He who created me is Supernatural.
    I am Thine O Lord
    I have heard They voice
    And it told They love to me

    And every word from His mouth and His Word to my heart I believe, and I need Him daily……

  22. Thank you for your words of inspiration. ‘For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’ …I am reminded of this, as I look at my past and feel I am not worthy because of what I’ve done. God already knew everything we are going to do before we were born. Thank you for reminding me that he forgives us. Always. I am like the girl in the email. I too went through an abortion and struggle daily with the mental repercussions of my actions, but slowly and surely through messages like yours and devotional so like yours, I am redeemed and feel set free from my past. Thank you! God Bless You!

  23. I was a saved, born-again Christian for many years, but got trapped in sexual sin that I could not seem to break free from until a Godly woman reached down and pulled me out of the miry pit. I was a prisoner of my life of sin for 12 years. I had never really felt loved and was seeking to feel love through having intimate relationships with men. I believe part of my problem is that I was sexually abused and it was like I let men continue to sexually abuse me, doing things I didn’t even really want to do, and thinking that was love. But, then there was another element to it that I was addicted in some way to it. I confessed my sin to God, wept, and repented…meaning I turned around and walked the other way. God’s Holy Spirit came rushing in to fill me at that moment and I knew God forgave me. Don’t let the devil steal that joy from you. I can’t say that my life is all peaches and roses since I gave up my sin, and I can’t say that I am never tempted to go back to it. But I think about when I die I will see Him face to face and that is all that will matter in that moment. His amazing grace and love covers a multitude of sins. We cannot comprehend the love of the Father for us. At least I know that I cannot comprehend it. After my repentance I lived in a lot of regret over lost time with my son during my years of sin, and loss of having meaningful friendships and everything that the devil had stolen from me. But you know what? God has a way of making things beautiful. And I see that even though I was not mother of the year, I truly love my son, and he has learned to become an independent leader perhaps as a result of me not being truly present with him during my years of sin. I cannot get those lost years back, but I CAN choose to live to walk with Jesus day by day, moment by moment. I want to tell the woman who aborted her baby this: you will see your baby in heaven and you will realize that Jesus has been holding and caring for your baby all the time you were on earth regretting your abortion. So, don’t look back anymore with regret. Look forward with anticipation that on that great day you will be with your baby in heaven. Choose to walk this life hand in hand with our Savior and be ever mindful of his
    presence in your life. Commune with Him moment by moment and accept the grace and forgiveness that makes you “whiter than snow”.

  24. Dear Sharon I must say you girls must have creeped into my mind because your devotionals are always some of my thoughts. But your messages really help me get through my days.
    I always think my prayers are so child- like even though I know God’s listening. But I keep moving on to make them more meaningful. Thank you so much for your devotions, they are really important to me and I’m sure for others as well.

  25. My heart goes out to every precious one who has responded and can not “feel” forgiven. I so understand and was once there myself. I encourage you dear sisters to remember two things.

    1. Forgiveness is a fact, not a feeling. Feelings come because of how we “think”. Once we choose to think on the truth of Scripture (and that is where we need to set our minds every day), then our feelings will actually align themselves accordingly. Dear sisters, our feelings must never be permitted to “control” us, especially to the point that we’re useless for God because of the enemy’s miserable tauntings.

    2. Needing to forgive ourselves is not biblical. It’s simply a tactic that the enemy uses to KEEP US DOWN. In fact, if we journal that thought through to its very conclusion we’ll see that when we say “I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself” we are in effect placing more importance on our forgiveness of ourselves than on Almighty God’s! Now do you see what a lie it is? :o)

    Oh dear sisters, we have an enemy that knows our weaknesses and our woundedness and we must too because that’s where he’s going to attack. Reject that lie! You and I ARE completely, refreshingly, amazingly, forgiven. Fully and completely. Jesus paid dearly for our forgiveness. Let Him and His forgiveness be all you need, then thank Him and be set free to abide in Him, heartbeat by heartbeat.

    With tender love to each of you,

  26. Dear Sharon, I really want to get close to God. I started by reading my Bible more. But each time I open my Bible to read I don’t know which passage to go to. I don’t know what to read to get me close to God. And then I get angry and close the Bible and I feel so empty. I feel I’m not the Christian he wants me to be. Please how do I get close to him. How do I know when he is speaking to me.

    1. Post

      Hi Sharon: I would start by reading the book of John. I think my book A Sudden Glory might be a great help to you. You can read a free chapter on my website. Click on the book cover in the bookstore and it will take you to the page where the free chapter lives.

  27. It seems lately I am constantly begging God to love me, to hold me, to not forsake me. Because i know I deserve judgement and not mercy. I live with self condemnation, depression, and that in turn erupts into just plain anger. I feel worthless. I pray and tell God, I don’t care if im the black sheep, or the red-headed stepchild as long as you love me. I’ll gladly sit at your feet and eat the crumbs that fall from your table, just see me. I know God’s word says im supposed to be the head and not the tail, but I am plagued by doubt. There is not one specific incident or sin that has resulted in this, it’s a lifetime of mistakes, failures, sins, all combined to make me feel unworthy, yet to be held in my father’s arms is my deepest desire. Please pray that I can finally feel His arms around me. And know that I know that I know, that I am His.

  28. Sharon, what would you say to a woman who Believes that her sins have caused her to miss God’s will and perfect plan for her life as I know I have. Four years ago, God called me into something very specific and over the course of a year made a way for me to enter into it. I was in a church for two years where I was spiritually abused and deceived and because of some wrong teaching I had when I came out of there, I made some decisions that while weren’t sinful were definitely unwise and legalistic. It has been three years and u know that my one wrong turn caused me to not only miss that, but maybe even forfeit that and I believe because of all the wrong I have done since then, God has decided that He is going to rescind those callings. I don’t know what to do and habe felt so horrible that I’ve even considered ending my life. Any advice?

  29. I reach a point that I give up repenting, because I always sin again sooner or later. I think that’s who I am, who sins always. Instead of trying to be who I am not-masked to be a saint, why don’t I accept who I am? I have a permanent black stain on my soul, that’s who I am. If I repent and sin again, that makes me a hypocrite. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. In our local region we have a saying translate like rather be a real bad guy than be a false gentleman. I think that’s for me.

  30. Hello. I am a man. I recently have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. I knew of him when I was younger and thought I followed him but I was always sinning and not turning away from sexual sins. So I know I never really repented..anywho I just came to Him. A year Before that though I was being promiscuous and sleeping wth plenty of girls. Feeling strong and manly cause I could do so. I met my now girlfriend who I cheated on several times. She caught me once and we fought. I told her I’d change but being in a worldly mindset all my friends told me it was ok since I didn’t love the others girls. So I made myself feel normal about it. I cheated on her about 3 times after wards. Then one day I woke up, and I had an urge to get to know Jesus. I had an urge to seek him. To find out if I’m goin to hell or heaven so I started to seek him. So me and my gf are ski our best to follow him now. I led her to Christ. Medical Troubles led me to Him. And I have changed my ways now I want to no longer live in sin or cheat or lie or steal or be the horrible person I was before. However one gong has bothered me. I know Jesus forgives me of my sins, I know there is no condemnation for those in Christ old things have past new things have come. But I feel so guilty of having done those things. Not just to her but to all the other girls I was in a serious relationship with. I feel bad for all the sins I’ve done. And it eats me alive. Do I have to confess what I did to her? If I do she’ll sumble and turn away from God. And hate me. it says in the Bible “Do not make your Christian brother sin.” And “woe to him who turns one of these little ones away from me” I would never EVER hurt her again and if God permits our marriage I would never cheat and commit adultery. I am changing I even gave all the clothes I stole to the poor out of guilt. I am throwing old stuff out. So that Christ can shine in me and my girlfriend. Must I confess to her and all the other people I’ve hurt? I was reading in the Bible and it says whatever decision you do to do it with wisdom of the outcomes.

  31. I know I’ve been forgiven. So why is it so impossibly hard for me to move on? Its like I’m stuck in this pit of guilt, shame, regret, self hatred, depression. I think of hurting myself to numb the pain, or just ending it all, all the time. After all, I would much rather walk the streets of gold than stay trapped in a body and life that I hate. I know I’m saved. I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I know that when I confessed and repented, that I was forgiven. So please, somebody please tell me why I still feel this way?! I need a breakthrough before I completely breakdown!!

  32. I didnt repent until I got sick and then out of fear and sadness turned to God. I keep having major anxiety that I lost my chance to truly repent and it doesn’t count now as true repentance and that I am doomed. I spend my days in anxiety that not only am I sick here but that I can’t go to Heaven. I have prayed so much to feel God and juts to know if I’m forgiven.

    1. God is the only one who can forgive you and there is forgiveness for you.
      Psalm 86:5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
      Without the mercy and forgiveness of God, even after becoming a Christian, none of us could stand.
      We are to come to God when we sin and not run away.
      Ezekiel 33:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
      11 Say to them, ‘As I live!’ declares the Lord [a]God, ‘I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live.
      Psalm 130: 3-4 3 If You, LORD, should mark iniquities O Lord, who could stand? 4But there is forgiveness with You,
      That You may be feared.
      On the same note, however, Jesus told the woman caught in adultery “Go, and do not sin anymore”
      Sin has consequences even after we are forgiven and some are lifelong as with King David.
      However, it is important to stop the sin before the consequences become overwhelming and sometimes they may even lead to death.

    1. Destinie, your unworthiness feeling is a sign you still have a deep reverence for God and that says a lot about you.
      We cannot make ourselves worthy before God. Jesus has done that for us while we were yet in sin.
      It is very hard to fall too far from God’s grace.
      Yes, you, or anyone can fall deep into sin and feel like you have gone too far.
      I felt that way myself, and I am still ashamed of myself for falling into sin, but it happens.
      The thing here is to acknowledge your sin to God, repent, get prayer from other Christians, and do not go back into it.
      God will restore you, and there may be some consequences depending on how deep the sin is, but the longer you wait, the deeper the consequences, and the worse you will feel about approaching God who only wants to forgive you and restore you.
      Psalm 86:5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
      We are to come to God when we sin and not run away. God actually actively pursues sinners in hope of their repentance!
      Ezekiel 33:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
      11 Say to them, ‘As I live!’ declares the Lord [a]God, ‘I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live.
      Sin has consequences sometimes even after we are forgiven and some are lifelong as with King David.
      However, it is important to stop the sin before the consequences become overwhelming and sometimes they may even lead to death.
      God is the only one who can forgive you and there is forgiveness for you.
      Without the mercy and forgiveness of God, even after becoming a Christian, none of us could stand.
      Psalm 130: 3-4 3 If You, LORD, should mark iniquities O Lord, who could stand? 4But there is forgiveness with You,
      That You may be feared.
      Jesus said ” I will never leave you or forsake you”
      In sin, our fellowship with God becomes broken and He waits for us to repent from it and turn back to Him.
      It we don’t stop our sin, He begins to chastise us as a Father does His child to bring us back into a loving relationship with Him.
      If we still don’t listen, this usually ends with physical death so that we do not get condemned with the rest of the world, but not many children of God have this happen to them, but it has.
      Jesus told the man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:14 (NAS) Afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “Behold, you have become well; do not sin anymore, so that nothing worse happens to you.”
      This happened to some of the Corinthians in Chapter 11:29-32.
      Some have tried to explain this away that God did not actually cause some to die, but it is there in black and white that some did for sinning against the body of Christ(one another by being selfish) and also against God by counting the Lord’s Supper as common food and drink.
      So, confess your sin to God, repent of what you are doing, and do not sin anymore, and God will forgive you and restore you.
      He loves you, and only wants to be your friend, always.

  33. Hey..
    I have been struggling. I am 20 years old, single and never had sex. I love God, I want to serve its always been my wish to live for him. Recently I rarely even have time for God. My prayer life is dead. I started taking some alcohol. I also began watching pornography. I wonna get born again afresh and go back to God.

    1. Post

      Hi Faith. Sweet girl, you don’t need to get born again. Once your are born again, you don’t need to do it again. What you do need to do is confess your sin and repent. Repent means to turn and go in the opposite direction. When you ask God to forgive you, he will. True repentance means to turn and go in the opposite direction. Remember when the Jesus was confronted with the woman caught in adultery? He forgave her, and then he said, go and sin no more. He wasn’t saying dont ever sin again. None of us could do that. What he was saying is go and don’t do that sin anymore. So picture yourself before him like that very woman. He looks in your eyes with love, forgives you, and says, “Now go, and don’t do that sin anymore.” Then I would suggest getting a trusted accountability partner who will ask you from time to time how you’re doing with that particular issue. Make sense?

  34. I was brought up in a Christian home, I got pregnant (Twice) with my boyfriend before we were married at age 18. We chose abortion both times. I buried my memories of those two abortions for 25 years. We had 3 children during those years. I never told anyone about what I had done. I was so alone and afraid. I finally went to a post abortion retreat because I could not bear the burden of what I had done any longer… for years I felt better, I even felt god had forgiven me, but I still could not forgive myself. I spent 3 Decades burying my emotions in alcohol, and eating disorders, to try to numb the pain. I lied, I stole things that didn’t belong to me… all part of my disgusting sin as I never felt good enough so why try to do good. 6 yrs ago I went to a celebrate recovery program through my church because my alcoholism was destroying my family. I didn’t realize that it was all because I was self destructing because I still had so much guilt from the abortions. I’ve stopped drinking and purging, and was baptized. I decided to surrender my life totally to the Lord… no more self sabatoging. .. no more lies. I was so happy… until six months ago, I heard the lies. I’ve been listening to satin telling me to remember all the horrible things I did! I keep feeling all the guilt, all the shame, every sin from 30 years ago. I’m 59. I have 5 wonderful grand children. I’m so very blessed. My husband and I have been married 40 years. He is now a Christian as well… reading all the posts above has opened my eyes to know that I am forgiven… I cannot listen to Satins lies… thank you for all the openness and honesty on this blog. I so needed to read this tonight!

    1. Post

      Oh sweet sister. You are so loved and completely forgiven. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy. Hold up your hand like a stop sign and tell him he has no place here! I’m so proud of all you’ve done in recovery. You are a marvel and inspiration!

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