When You Feel You’ve Fallen Too Far

Sharon JaynesA Sudden Glory, Dealing with Your Past, Forgiveness, Living Free, Living Fully 145 Comments

I wish you could sit with me for one day and read the emails that come to my inbox. Some rip my heart out. Such was the case with the one I’m going to share with you today. This dear sister has graciously granted me permission to share it. This blog is a bit long, but I really want you to to get it. I want to get it.

Dear Sharon

I just read one of your devotions on receiving grace and forgiveness. You mentioned a woman who had an affair and destroyed her marriage. You mentioned how she refused to forgive herself. That really touched me because, you see, eight years ago I had an affair, got pregnant, and had an abortion. That is the first time I ever actually put those words in writing. I can barely look at what I just typed on the screen.

My marriage was terrible. My husband never paid any attention to me and we argued all the time. And then a man at work began telling me how pretty I was and how good I smelled. It felt good to be noticed. I knew it was wrong, but I slept with him, and not just once.

Somehow, I managed to hide it from my kids and my husband. I even went to church on Sundays, but this sin was eating me alive. No one knew. One day, the stick turned blue. I was pregnant. In order to hide the sin, I had an abortion. I didn’t even tell the baby’s father. Sin upon sin. I was sin sick and hated myself.

Not too long after that horrible day, I did turn back to God. I confessed my sin, truly repented, but I’ve never felt clean. That was eight years ago and I still can’t let go. I wish I could go back and change things. I would willingly give my life to bring this child back. And while I know what the Bible says, that God will forgive us if we confess our sins, I just have a hard time believing it. How could I have done this? How could He forgive me?

 I was a Christian when I had the affair and abortion. I was far from Him at the time, but I did know what I was doing was wrong. My eyes were wide open. I think this is why it is so hard for me to accept God’s forgiveness. Sometimes, grace just doesn’t make sense. The enemy tells me I’m no good. I think the Holy Spirit is trying to speak to me, but I am having a hard time believing.

How can I forgive myself?

This email comes to me hundreds of times every year. The names are different, the situations are varied, but the underlying theme is the same…I can’t forgive myself. Grace just doesn’t make sense. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.

And these women are right…grace doesn’t make earthly sense. We don’t deserve it. We keep reliving the Garden story, believing Satan’s lie, and then grace shows up with an outstretched hand. “I don’t deserve it,” we cry. And we’re right.

Grace, by its very definition, is unmerited favor from God or a gift we don’t deserve. But until we accept God’s grace and forgiveness, Satan will hold us in the vise grip of guilt, and we’ll miss moments of sudden glory as we hide in Eden’s bushes of shame.

God calls out, “Where are you?”

No matter what you have done, God has made a way for you to be set free – a very costly toll has been paid for the road to your restoration. Jesus gave His life that you might have not only eternal life after physical death, but life filled with moments of sudden glory beginning at your spiritual birth.

I in no way want to diminish the seriousness of sin. Neither do I want to lessen the truth of grace. Refusal of the Christian to repent and dogged determination to continue a lifestyle of sin, spits in the face of what Christ did on the cross. Unconfessed sin draws the shade on God’s glory gifts. Confession and repentance raises the curtain once again for God’s glory to shine through.

When we say, “but I don’t feel forgiven,” that is like saying that what Jesus did on the cross is not enough. Why should we require more from ourselves than our Creator requires of us?

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….” (Romans 8:1). None. God’s grace river washes away the devil dams of shame and condemnation that block the glory life flow.

If you are feeling condemnation for past sins that you have already asked God to forgive, that condemnation is not coming from God. Once you have repented and asked God to forgive you, it is finished, over and done with, wiped away.

If feelings of condemnation persist, they are a result of listening to the accusations of the enemy as he tries to keep you behind those bushes and away from union and communion with God. Believe the truth. Walk in the truth and it will lead you to moments of sudden glory all around.

[tweetherder]Satan knows that the slightest whisper of guilt is easily received by a fragile heart plundered by life.[/tweetherder] Do not let him convince you to remain in hiding. If you have been crouching in Eden’s bushes of shame, listen closely. That sound you hear is God walking your way. Whispering your name. Do you hear it? Singing love songs of grace. Inviting you to stroll with Him in the garden of your heart where He has taken up permanent residence.

Where are you? I want to commune with you? I want to show you glimpses of glory. 

I hope you will say with me…Here I am Lord.

Leave a comment and let’s answer God’s invitation to intimacy together.

Forward to a Friend

Did someone forward this devotion to you?
Click Here to Subscribe

Comments 145

  1. I feel so far from God because I keep falling and repenting.I want to truly believe I have been completely forgiven as I have run back once more and I don’t want to ever go back to the life of sin. I get so scared God has given up on me.

    1. Oh sweet sister…God can NOT give up on you! He has PROMISED to never leave or abandon us and here’s why. Once we receive Jesus Christ, His Spirit comes to live within us. God tells us we are actually “sealed” with the Spirit:

      “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Ephesians 4:30 NIV)

      I like the way New Living Translation says it:

      “And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.”

      When we are given the “truths” of Scripture and then reject them by how we live, that grieves God’s Spirit. It brings sorrow to Him. Why? Because once we know God’s truth on something He wants us to believe it. :o) Not continue to live as though it isn’t true. If we do that we’re saying we don’t trust Him. Wouldn’t that grieve you if someone said they don’t trust you and yet you’ve been completely honest?

      If God were to give up on us, He’d have to abandon Himself since His Spirit is within us! He will never do that. Instead, He offers us His grace in our times of need (which is always if you’re like me!)

      “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16 NIV)

      That’s what makes His mercy so jaw dropping and His grace so amazing. So tender. So wonderful. And once we know that He is here to stay with us – no matter how many mistakes we make – we begin to worship Him more, adore Him more, and love Him more…and…THAT very grace that He lavishes down upon us is what causes our hearts to be deeply grateful to the point that we want Him to change us because we don’t want that particular sin in our lives any more. Look at His truth to us:

      “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you. (Titus 2:11-15 NIV)

      If we really understood how powerful and wonderful God’s grace is, we’d live differently. We would stop living by “rules” and religious “doings” and instead live out of a heart so full of gratitude and love towards Jesus that it would alter our actions. We’d say “No” to sin not as a”duty” but out of deep reverence and passion and gratitude that gushes forth every moment because of our intimate relationship with Jesus and the miraculous gift He’s given us of being able to walk with Him every moment of the day. We won’t be “perfect” as the world calls perfect meaning without flaw, but we’ll perfect as God calls us to be, meaning mature, and we’ll do it all with His great help…one baby step at a time.

      So, kick out the lies from the enemy…and replace them with God’s wonderful truths. You’ll see things so differently and out of His truths you’ll begin to live differently as well.

      Much love,

      1. I was lying here tonight with my mind full of fear and worry. I have been feeling like God had stripped me of all the holy spirit. My mind was filled with fear. I have read several scriptures in the bible that actually authenticated the reasons I was feeling the way I did. I was convinced that all I had in store for my future an early death followed with an eternity in hell!! I had to get up to do some research on this topic. I am so thankful and somewhat relieved as I read these stories. I think maybe I can start to take back my walk with God and regain my peace of mind. I hope there will be others that will find this material so they can start their healing as well. Fear that you have lost God forever will KILL you!
        So Thank You and may God bless you all!!!

        1. Post
        2. Thank you I have been a horrible sinner , backsliding , falling off the wagon lying and the lying is the worse of all . I don’t know what happened to me at such a late time in my life I am 58 years old . It all started after my fiancee and split . I was heartbroken became depressed i was barely surviving financially then I ended up feeling complete despair . I started doing anything and everything just so I didn’t have to feel . Then I found myself on downward spiral of addiction and doing anything i had to ,to get the drugs . I crossed lines I never dreamed I could do . I would stop for a while ,repent and I meant it but the guilt and shame was so bad I would go back and do it again and again. I believed I had went too far and that God had forsaken me and I still struggle with that belief . I am now at the point in my life that I know I will NEVER go back down that dark road ever again . When I look back on all of it it’s like watching someone I didn’t even know but it was me I did do all those things . I cry all the time I barely sleep ever . I cry out to God all the time . I spend a lot of time on my knees praying . Will I ever feel better again ? Will I ever sleep again . Will God really save me ? I have lost everybody I love so dearly . My children my family my friends I AM alone here on earth . The only real friend I had left was recently killed. All I want to do is live a Godly life and help others . I’m not even welcome in my own town they just want me gone neighbors , Authority , law enforcement , I can’t get a job here . What do I do ? I am just trying to trust God and begging him to tell me what to do . And I want to leave this place and when I pray and ask God to tell me what to do I feel He is telling me I should leave and not just leave but go and do His work . Can someone please give me some insight ,advice anything . Help .

          1. Hi Teresa, sorry you had to experience all those things. But simply the fact that God is telling you to leave means that he hasn’t left you. He knows the plans he has for you, to give you a future and hope. I know it’s difficult, but trust him. If he really wants to lead you somewhere else and do his work, trust him. He will be with you. He is patient. He knows how you feel. And he will be with you! I am sure about that. I am only a young and immature Christian and I recently sinned, deliberately. I was so devastated and thought he has left me because of what I did. Because I misunderstood a certain part in scripture. But looking back, I noticed how he has carried me all along. He didn’t let me fall even when I chose sin over him. And he never left and was there when I cried out to him. He held me tight showed me what I did and made sure beforehand to show his love to me, so I wouldn’t lose hope when I realized what I really did. I love him all the more now. I could never really believe that he loves me. But he showed his love in the darkest times. More so than before. Which is why I am so sure that he’s with you and despite what you have done, you are his child. And he doesn’t want you to hurt. He’s all we really need. Think of all the great people of faith in the bible. David, Peter, Salomon… They all made mistakes. Grave mistakes. But this only made them stronger! Peter denied Jesus 3 times, yes. But God used him for ministry. It’s his forgiveness and love that motivates. I am sure Peter wouldn’t have been so passionate, had he not experienced his forgiveness and love like that before.
            But all I wanted to tell you basically, don’t give up! He forgave me, he forgave you. Courage, child of God! I’ll pray for you, Teresa ❤️
            Follow where ever he leads you. Where ever that is, you won’t be alone because he will go with you. You are safe with him.
            He sees how you are hurting where you are right now.

          2. Hi Teresa I have been and still go. Through similar things I have a horrible past and I did it when I was young and right after I truly believed in Jesus but to make a long story short I felt the same it seemed like I was being driven to get out of a dead relationship and I have turned to God but my husband seemed resentful but I decided I had to leave it all behind I wasn’t planning on ever going back to my old home town but God obviously had plans to bring me back here I miss my ex and family but I have met some awesome believing ladies I never had friends like this is all the years I was married. I feel and so do all my wonderful new sisters that God has a purpose I am not going to tell you it’s easy or painless but I feel like my anxiety isn’t as bad but I still have it. I’m now beginning to get a little excited about what he might have for me here because I ran from this town as a teen met my husband and married and pregnant at barely 17 it been a long hard haul I’m still feeling a little sureal that be brought me here it’s like he’s telling me I placed you here at your birth for a reason but you ran ahead of me. Now let’s begin again.. It definitely does appear he’s been preparing the way before me. He loves you Teresa it’s been hard for me to believe I am loved but slowly I beginng to. God bless

        3. Charles,

          I can relate to your fear. I came to realize later in life that I have not lived the life of a Christian that I thought I truly was. I have been working on reestablishing my relationship with the Lord for the last two years but have not been able to connect with Him. I don’t recall ever having intimacy in the way that I now know is possible. I want nothing more than to walk closely with my Savior and to have Him truly be my Lord.

          Were you able to discover, or rediscover, that intimacy?

        4. Were you able to regain your peace of mind and the joy of your salvation? I’m struggling feeling the same way and looking for hope.

      2. Thank you SO much for this beautiful message of hope. I am so lost… so far from God … i just happened to see this story and it did help me today.. God spoke to me and I am so full of guilt and shame as I have gone astray. I will get down and pray. Thank you .

      3. I have rejected cried to God you cried to Jesus and ask for forgiveness when I sync everything is going great I’ll do sometimes I can’t feel the warmth in my heart from the Holy Spirit I will hear something from some more and they say when you get to heaven gospel to stay I don’t know you get away from me you say you prophesied and did Miracles and he’s going to deny you and I feel really really down again. My heart hurts because I love God and Jesus so much and I don’t want you back in town I want to be a great worker with him in the millennial Kingdom please pray for me that I can finally kick Satan away I forgive myself

        1. The word is your sword you can’t fight Satan without your armor and the word keeps you, feeds you, it’s a light to your path it’s says as many as received him to them gave he the POWER to become the sons of God , most people eat three meals a day to maintain there body well you need the word to maintain your soul, when you give him your life it is no longer yours , put him first and pray without ceasing it’s in the word everything study to show yourself approved, and faith cometh by hearing the word and it’s impossible to please God , find the right church, let God be your guide not some person, God will lead you just believe

    2. Thank you for this article. Im feeling exactly the same way. I decided I wanted to make some changes in my life spiritually and the devil have me focusing more on my sins until Im having anxiety attacks and break out in hives. I cant seem to focus on God, because now the hives seem to be a distraction and now I have more anxiety because Im not sure if the hives are from stress or an underlying cause. Im terrified.

      1. I’m going through something similar. God would speak to me and I heard him so easily even through the spiritual gifts of knowledge, wisdom and prophecy He so easily poured into my heart. . God answered my prayers frequently and He even showed up in person one night in my bedroom and answered my prayer in person. I was also blessed with many miracles. Even the kind people write about in books and show up in movies with. I was very blessed! I was deeply tight with Jesus, then one night my immune system went hay wire and I came down with six autoimmune diseases over the course of a few years, but because of constant strife between my husband and I, I got sick from it. But even then God was still blessing me and He miraculously healed me. Over a year I got it all back again. It came back and took most of my health to the point we’re my relationship with Jesus struggled. I was hurting from nerve pain and I would fall asleep easily reading the Word. The pain kept me deathly ill to the point I almost died four years into it. I overcame years later but not to the point where I was well again. Years went by and these diseases took the ability to spend time with God and my time was spent with the flesh and into doctors, appointnents and the illnesses instead of the Lord. I cried out to God so many times trying to reach Him, I missed Him so desperately, but no matter how much I did, I still didn’t hear him respond. I kept repenting and trying to reach God. One day I really began to beg and get really desperate, I was afraid He had given up on me. I was afraid I lost my salvation. So I found ways to overcome my disability and paced while I prayed and read the Word. Still I would get bits and pieces of answers to prayers, nothing like the past. Something is in the way and I don’t know what it is. I’ve asked so many times for God to reveal it and still no answer. I’ve repented from everything I can think of, but still I struggle with strife between my husband and I. I’ve joined a powerful prayer group and have returned to the basics. But still no break throughs. I’ve asked so many times for God to tell me what’s wrong. I’ve done all kinds of things and repented in every way possible, but still I’m not getting the relationship I so desire to have again. I so desperately want my closeness back with God, do you think it’s possible I back slide so much from sin and this disease, that God wouldn’t forgive me? My husband antagonistizes me like a bratty big brother does and he belittles me, thats how the arguing starts and why I haven’t gotten over it. I repent and it starts over again almost every day. I even left him in 2007 believing if I didn’t the strife would eventually kill me. But he changed and we remarried. Harmony stayed with us for six years and then he went back to the same ways. I repent every time we figh but we can’t seem to stop. I read in Gal 5: 19-21 that God has certain sins he doesn’t allow people in heaven for, do you think that is what is my problem? I need help, I need a breakthrough. If the Lord is speaking to you about this for me, I sure would be grateful for a answer. Please text me, I’m not sure I know how to get back here after I leave. 2698389601 Janelle

        1. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

          Isaiah 43:2

          I won’t ever leave you, Sis. He loves you dearly. Keep seeking Him! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve screwed up abd yet He’s still been there for me. I’m praying for you!! If you need anything, my email is threebirth98@gmail.com

        2. I am a man. I have loved the Lord, so much. He has been so good to me. Yet I have been so weak in my faith and trust in Him.
          I feel like I am one of the worst failures. I have failed Him so much. I feel I have failed my family. I hope and pray that you are so right, that no matter what, He remains faithful in His Love for me, His Mercy, Grace, and Forgiveness for me. May His Loving Grace for me be greater than my sins and my weak faith and trust in Him.
          Please pray for me. I hope that God has not, and will not give up on me.

          1. I feel the same way I’m addicted to porn and I ask Jesus to deliver me all the time and I ask for forgiveness and I don’t always feel forgiven, but I have to ask and believe that Jesus is still working in me, I believe in what the bible says that Jesus is always willing to forgive, That He is willing and faithful to forgive, and He never leaves us nor forsakes us, that is a promise, Stand up and give praise to our King and He will answer us when we delight in Him, i JUST prayed this morning and a still small voice spoke to me and said If you delight in me I will delight in you, think praises toward me and sing to me, Now I have a guitar and take lesson I’m not a great guitarist at all but I heard Jesus say to me play and sing to me, so I went off with my guitar and sang to the Lord, and it felt so good, it gave me a sense of my love toward him so do something in quiet place and talk sing to the Lord, It feels good amen

        3. You are not alone my friend.
          Just stop asking yourself all these questions and trust Him.
          Stay still and you will eventually hear His voice.
          Your thoughts are too loud that’s why you are not hearing from Him.
          Be still and know that He is God and that He will never leave nor forsake you

          God bless.

          d bless an

          1. I want to attest to this for all who are struggling to know they are Gods child and are afraid of their own thoughts and feelings of being un-forgiven or cast away from the Lord. You are not. JESUS loves you more than your fears, and he isn’t afraid of you feeling how you are, as a matter of fact he knows you are still his and are forgiven, it’s just you are seeing yourself from sins point of view, instead of the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. This year has been torment for me, until I realized that everything I was reasoning with was a lie. I believed I lost my salvation, due to a willful sin. I was so convinced, that God forbidden thoughts started to bombard my mind. I spent now over 5 months in this mind torment, trying to find answers if what I thought was true. And it’s not. The thing is, when we struggle in this way it’s because our eyes are focused on our sin. The lense of sin covers us even though the truth is in us. (The Holy Spirit) What helped me is to listen to the Holy spirits voice in me. And the Holy Spirit testifies Jesus as our Lord. Even when I started to look up in google about everything I was going through, more and more I had that inner man saying “stop because you are going to make this worse” but I was so convinced my feelings and thoughts were true because I thought they were mine. But they weren’t. It’s the enemy. When you start to only pay attention to Gods voice, you will start to discern what’s his and not his. This has helped me so much. So stop reasoning with the lies. Basically, proclaim Christs forgiveness over youself, and don’t give any more thoughts to ANYTHING regarding a doubt. It’s hard to do and takes practice but more and more you will see that you CAN hear his voice and you will discern that those thoughts are lies. The truth is, a true believer has a changed heart. God sees the heart, even though we don’t understand everything we go through. God knows you love him, because HIS love abides in you.

        4. Janelle, I just tripped over this website while googling those same questions that you have been asking hoping that somewhere I will find the answers. Your testimony sounds like mine exactly, it’s amazing. I am 76 years old and I asked the Lord into my heart and life on March 26th 1977 at the age of 30. I was raised as a Catholic, went to Catholic Elementary school and since this was back in the early 50’s, I guess that I felt that as long as I follow the rules of God and the Catholic religion, I would be going to heaven when I died, but somewhere over the years, especially when I was a teen, I started to get disillusioned with organized ritualistic religion. I think that I made my decision to give up on religion when I went to confession one Saturday and the priest was outside smoking and made me wait until he was ready to hear my confession and then, as if magnified in my ears, I heard the “say 3 Our Father’s and 3 Hail Mary’s and I thought, what, is this? I decided that I was finished with Catholicism but I told God, it was just Him and me that I would not ever give up on Him. I lived that was from that time, the age of around 16 until that day when, through a phone call from my Son’s friends Mom about selling Tupperware, and the conversation switched to her asking me if I “Knew Jesus” My answer was, ” What? I’m a Catholic so of course I know Jesus” A short time later I found out that in fact, I did not really know Him at all. I asked Him into my heart and I remember wanting to know him with all of my heart. That following Sunday I went to church with her and her family and when the Pastor asked if there was anyone who wanted to accept Christ as their Savior I ran down the aisle, to invite Him in again. I think that at that time, I just wanted to make sure that I was sincere since I had asked Him the first time on the telephone. Almost from the first few weeks, I grew and grew in my knowledge and love for Him. I remember that I had some , what I considered my sins, as if they were the only ones but that’s how I saw them because to me, they were the worst. I was married to a man whom I loved with all of my heart and just like a testimony that I read here just before yours, he was gone most of the time, I never had any love and attention and I craved it so when, on my job my boss, who would tell me everyday how beautiful I was and was so kind and sweet, I ate it up and when he invited me to an office party and we wound up in bed together, I was sick. I didn’t want the sex part, just the attention part but that is not how it worked. I cried out to the Lord about that sin and also, I was drinking and I smoked so to me, those were my gross sins, so gross I didn’t realize all of the others. I remember crying out to Him in my living room one day and telling Him that I tried and tried but I can’t change. I was amazed when from down inside my inner self rising up, I heard His Voice say to me “You can’t but I can. I was so happy just to know that first of all, He spoke and I heard Him, actually took the time to care for one like me. I felt His love and Peace and it began to change me from the inside out. It did take awhile, but He did take all of those “gross” sins from me, He spoke to me in 1979 and told me that I was going to have more children and I did, a boy and a girl about 6 years later. He allowed us to buy a home when due to the gambling, our credit was in the toilet but nevertheless, we were approved. He gave me dreams and visions, told me things in advance of them happening and every thing that He told me, came to pass and all of this, as my Italian Catholic husband watched things come to pass, eventually melted his heart and, although it took years, He eventually came to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. It happened at the right time as well because he accepted Him while talking to me on the phone from his hospital bed in New York City ( I was in Florida at that time) He was told that he had dilated Cardiomyopathy, and I was praying with him on December, towards the last days of 2000 and he passed away on January 4th 2001 a few days later. I heard the Lord whisper to my spirit, “Romans 10: 9, 10, If you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart tat God has raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved. He spoke that to me, I believe, because I was so anxious not being with him when he died and also I guess I just needed some reassurance. I was on the phone with a friend asking her to please pray and ask the Lord where Tony was, was he with him and she did. It was while she prayed that I heard Him speak those scripture verses to me. Immediately, I began to argue with him spirit to spirit, it seemed like because I was saying, but Lord, and I never even got the words out of my mouth, when He said, “I took Him on His faith, not yours. So, much happened after that. I lost his pension due to the fact that he retired on the same day that he died, so he was still considered an active employee of the New York City Transit Authority. One thing after the other it seemed. My youngest kids, the only children still in my home were giving me a hard time, my Son especially. About 9 months later I met a man on a Christian website and we eventually met, started dating and married. I prayed and prayed asking the Lord to please give me the wisdom and a sign if I was not to be getting married at that time but all that happened after that seemed to be telling me that I had His blessing. We married and almost from day 1 things went from bad to worse. It is much too long to write it all here as this message is much to much like a “war and peace” novel already, but 4 and a half years into the marriage he divorced me for, what I considered nothing. I wound up living in Miami, all of my money from the sale of my properties wound up gone. He got sick while I was gone and I came back to help him recouperate and one thing led to another, again too long a sage, and we wound up getting married again. I was still hearing from the Lord at that time though, I felt that I had a very close relationship with Him through the Holy Spirit. I was beginning to join an outreach, sharing the Gospel on the streets with the Pastor of the church that I was attending and eventually, I went out when I heard the Lord tell me to go here or there and speak to this person or that one and I went. Then, I can’t remember exactly what year, I had been in the restroom washing my hands and all of a sudden I heard Him say to me, “Redeem the time, for the days are evil” I knew that was a verse from the bible but I didn’t know where exactly so I looking it up in my Strong’s concordance. It was a direct answer to my prayer just a few minutes before as I prayed and told Him that I felt like I was not praying, especially for my kids as much and as ferverently as I had in the past and that was His response. I repented and I tried to get my act together. I had been getting tied up in playing stupid cooking and farming games on Facebook and wasting precious time so I tried to cut back but it didn’t work so I quit altogether. I thought that I had been obedient to the Lord but that was the last thing that I have ever heard Him say to me from that day until this. I still felt His Presence at time when I went up for prayer but eventually, that stopped as well. In the very beginning, I was asking Him, what have I done, Please tell me but I heard nothing. I started to think that maybe, this was one of those time that my faith was being tested. I know that during my divorce and being down living with my Daughter, I felt that He was trying to tell me to TRUST Him, but I was running ahead of Him I guess just doing my own thing making my own decisions. Time passed and I got more upset and scared and eventually, I was having, what I think were anxiety attacks or depression. I would go to bed at night scared to death because in the morning, every day, I would wake up feeling this dark, black feeling and I had to pray, and pray and cry out to Him to Help me. This went on for weeks and weeks. I had had some bad physical ailments also and wound up with surgeries, pain and my body wasn’t functioning as it should. I had fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome for years and it was getting worse I think due to the stress. It was then that I started to think that He had left me. I know that He says that He would never leave me or forsake me, but as far as I was concerned, He had or if He didn’t, it surely seemed as if He had. To this day, everyday, I cry out and ask Him the same thing, Please, Lord Help me. Help me to understand what is happening. If I have not repented fully, show me. Then, there are times that I hear sermons or teaching on people, Christians who have fallen from grace since they were working for their salvation instead of working out their own salvation. I am so confused, exhausted, I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I am seeking Him with all of my heart and I don’t know because if I am, the enemy is trying his best to tell me that I am not. I would think that it would be simple, just stop listening to the enemy, right? But then, I think, but what if there is something that I haven’t done or did do and I need to repent but I haven’t and it starts all over again. If I sit and try to think back to the days when I did hear Him, and we had a good relationship, I can absolutely go back and feel what that Peace that passes all understanding feels like. Also, I can remember having, a faith like what I think could be called a childlike faith and I long for it to come back again. That kind of faith and whatever else walking in the Holy Spirit blesses me with, the Fruit of The Holy Spirit, comes from the Holy Spirit and I think that He must have left me. I repent constantly but I still live in the flesh. I have a terribly bad attitude towards my husband as if I am paying him back for all of the things that he did as far as hurting me. I know that this is wrong, I do not want to be this way, but it seems that I do not have the strength or ability to be better no matter how much I try. I may be better for a day, and then if I am, I then say to myself, ” Maybe I am still saved but the minute I see my ugly behavior again, I then say, I must be lost, I couldn’t be a Child of God and act this way and I hate myself and my behavior all over again. I am getting old, I am having memory issues and I am scared because I do not want to be separated rom the Lord for eternity but without holiness, no one will see God, and without faith, it is impossible to please Him. I would think that after about 10 years or so of this, if He was going to communicate with me, He would have by now, I know that He can see my pain. I do not blame Him though, He is God and therefore He cannot be the wrong one, I just wish that he would tell me what to do, I need Him and I cry out to Him like David did, ” Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, Oh Lord, take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me, the Joy of Thy salvation, and renew a right spirit with in me!! Forgive my longwinded message, please, and I do hope that you receive it. If you would like to comment or respond, I will leave my email address as I too probably won’t find my way back here again, Thanks for taking the time to read this, Carol carolmariev11@gmail.com God Bless You!

          1. Carol,

            I don’t know if you will even see this, but I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don’t have any answers for you, but I could have written the second half of your post myself, and I understand at a visceral level just what this feels like. I have prayed the exact prayers for months now. I can not see any evidence that the Holy Spirit is with me, at all, anymore and no matter how much I talk to God (I struggle to even call Him Father anymore, much less Abba Father because of this) or cry out — utterly broken and weeping — He remains distant and silent. All I see is condemnation and failure when I try to pray, read my bible…. to draw close to Him. Reading His promises that I’ve leaned on for so long are now like a knife that have been thrust into my heart and spirit and shattered my soul. He promises to bind up the broken hearted and to save those crushed in spirit and to draw near when we draw near to Him.. just two of many that I am now bewildered by. I don’t believe in purgatory but if I did this would be my version. Nothing else matters if I can’t feel God’s love for me…. Jesus’ very love for me. When I read of others in similar situations of fearing they’ve been forsaken and then God speaks gently to them in a personal and tangible way to reassure them, the further experience of abandonment, exclusion, and rejection beats me down even further. There is no one to turn to……if I can not turn to Him. I, too, cry out for understanding and for mercy. I’ve lost my very will to live and can not even function anymore.

            Did He ever answer you?

          2. I have been through and going through similar things. I could use encouragement but I would also like to encourage.

            I’m 24, I grew up in a Christian home, but didn’t truly repent of my life of sin and unbelief until I was saved in 2021. I truly met Jesus and believed in him. My life from there was bliss even with ups and downs but never this bad what I’m going through now. Before my “fall” I was walking In the spirit. but one night, while I was listening to the Bible audio, I was doing pretty good in my walk. I was learning to over come a particular sin as God gave me the grace to over come it, but that night, I just carelessly decided to commit that exact sin. I wasn’t even tempted to do it, but for whatever reason I chose too. Maybe out of boredom. Before I committed it I felt like in my head that “if you do this, this certain things God showed me wouldn’t happen” I brushed away the thought and even tried to justify my action to sin by saying “I didn’t think it would happen anyway” and I committed the sin, and after that moment I felt like the holy spirit left me. My stomach felt hallow. I got so scared and almost started to curse myself saying things I would never mean against God. I felt worse and worse because of this. Months have gone by, with my emotions feeling up and down. I went to prayer meetings with strangers and then to meetings with people I know, and without giving much detail for some reason God still sued them to tell me God loves me. Almost every time I went to a church gathering, some people were just led to say that to me that God loves me. It’s been so hard to believe. But I have to make myself belive the truth. I had moments where I felt normal, but then I get so bent out of shame from the sin and how real and piercing it felt. Sometimes I still doubt and think will I ever return to the confidence I had before? And heard Gods promises of the things he showed me still for me?

            My encouraging to myself and others is to keep walking as if it never happened. Since that is what the Bible teaches, is that if we are saved, there is no condemnation (unless we willfully continue to sin ) but someone who does that was never saved to begin with. So we need to keep pursuing God and praying and encouraging each other in the TRUTH. Otherwise we will feel tormented. God has also showed me dreams of me in a setting with demons and I’m tolerating them. I think it meant I was tolerating the demonic lies and thoughts that began all this, when we have the freedom in Christ to step out of it. Christ blood is stronger than anything to restore us. It’s just up to us to take him at his word, even as a Christian. Cause that is the spiritual warfare. Are we going to listen to satans lies and tolerate them? Or to Christ victorious declaration over us because of what HES done?


          3. Post

            Thanks for sharing Allison. It’s sorta like this…No matter what my son does, I’ll never stop loving him. And God loves us way more that I love my flesh and blood child.

      2. Hi. This is me right now. I am getting anxiety attacks from my past that I have never told anyone but decided to tell my mom recently. All the ugly feelings just came back and now I feel so ashamed and guilty for what I had done. I had premarital sex with a coworker. I am a Christian but I let my mind go astray. We were both virgins and in a secret relationship. I feel so worthless now.. I just want to go back to that first time and just say, “No, I can’t do this!”. But it is too late now and now I am suffering so much. It hurts to know that I made such a grave mistake.

    3. Hi, Sharon I am a man but something tells me you won’t mind my writing this since I believe I’m in the right place regardless of this site being kinda tailored for women (my mom committed suicide 40 years ago I am 42 right now and it is 10:33 pm on mother’s day ) I figured you wouldn’t mind. I am blown away by what I just read in a VERY GOOD AND RELIEVING WAY. What a relief to read what I just read. I’m not going to go into what sins I’ve committed because it doesn’t matter …ILL JUST SAY IM A SINNER WHO HAS STRUGGLED WITH THIS VERY SAME THING “THE GUILT AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I’VE ASKED JESUS IN MY HEART AND ASKED THE LORD ALMIGHTY TO FORGIVE ME” Let me just be brief and say what a blessing it was to stumble on your site and read that woman’s testimony and to finally be able to let all the guilt out for good and start from a clean slate. God Bless you and thanks for taking your time to do this site….I am forever grateful I just read that. I bet your a mother so HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY (NIGHT) 🌙. QUICK QUESTION…WHAT ARE THE CHANCES MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER BRENDA KREMER BOHNERT COULD STILL BE IN HEAVEN EVEN THOUGH SHE COMITTED SUICIDE JUST LIKE HER MOTHER DID MY GRANDMOTHER …BECAUSE I’VE HEARD MORE THAN ONCE ITS ONE OF THE SINS THAT ARE UNFORGIVABLE. MY LAST QUESTION IS I WAS BAPTIZED AS A BABY SINCE MY FAMILY WAS CATHOLIC HOWEVER I AM OF NO PARTICULAR DENOMINATION AS I THINK IF YOUR A CHRISTIAN YOUR A CHRISTIAN. MY QUESTION IS THOUGH DO I NEED TO GET BAPTIZED AGAIN NOW THAT IVE BEEN FORGIVEN AS A MAN AFTER I COMMITTED MY SINS? OR IS ONCE ENOUGH ? I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ANY RESPONSE YOU WOULD GIVE. THANK YOU AGAIN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART….GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

      1. Post

        Dale, I have never read in the Bible that suicide is unforgivable. That thought has been passed down through the years, but it is not backed up by Scripture. As for baptism, there is no Scripture that back up infant baptism as a symbol of salvation. Many denominations support infant baptism, but that is not believer’s baptism. If you feel that you would like to be baptized as a believer, then by all means do! I’m sure it would be very meaningful for you. Baptism is an outward sign of an inward commitment. It is the inward commitment to Christ that opens the way to salvation. This is a very simple explanation, but I’m just speaking of baptism.

        1. I am sorry to butt in on your conversation with Dale, but there was no where else to post this comment:

          I am repenting of MY DEED of having denounced Christ (again), not just because I regret the consequences, the torment. I WAS REPENTING OF THE DEED ITSELF MONTHS BEFORE I felt the slightest torment.

          I AM FLYING TO CHRIST EVERY DAY begging forgiveness FOR THE DEED ITSELF… Confessing my having denounced Him for something useless compared to Him.

          Will Christ EVER forgive me one day.

          I beg forgiveness, and now only get temporary peace, but WHY WON’T IT LASSST?

          Y’ALL KEEP PRAYING THE JESUS WILL at last one day take me back! He does not OWE me forgiveness, but FOR HIS GLORY ad atonement and the display of His Sovereign will I BEG IT!

          1. Christopher, I know your comment is fairly old, but I thought I would share my experience. I also went through a period of denying my faith after being saved. I can tell you that since then the fear and condemning thoughts have been very severe. I can also say that the Holy Spirit has shown up for me in ways that only He could. It leads me to believe that God is still at work in my life. God bless.

          2. I came across these comments and thought I’d remind you. Remember Peter? Jesus knew Peter would deny him 3x before the rooster crowed. And when Jesus rose from the dead… One of his first requests to the ladies who discovered He was resurrected was, “Go get Peter!”. And obviously we have letters left to the church by Peter who after that awful night, was restored to Christ and continued in the Faith. I sometimes think Jesus asked the ladies to get Peter because He knew the utter condemnation & self hatred Peter must have been experiencing. Imagine.. He denied Christ, Christ was then crucified. He didn’t get the chance to speak to Jesus again. Jesus as far as he knew was now dead. How amazing that Jesus stepped out the tomb with Peter on His mind. Listen, if you want to meet someone who has been an absolute failure at walking the straight & narrow, someone who is often tormented by fear (& that’s why I peruse these articles & comments) because my walk with Christ has consisted of more monumental sins and failure than any good work or success rate, as if it were some warped competition, I’d be in the lead! I honestly believe in my heart & understanding of scripture, that if you feel convicted and troubled… There’s hope! Being given over to a reprobate mind, well, you just simply wouldn’t care would you? Sin ultimately leads to a hardened unbelief. The kind of unbelief that you’d find yourself indifferent, without even the slightest prick of conscience. If the Holy Spirit is convicting you, you have hope. The thing is this; respond, confess and repent. And if God didn’t know you’d land up confessing and repent & screw up time and time again… I mean, if He was expecting you to get it right in one shot only; He wouldn’t have had the Lord Jesus teach us that we should forgive each other 70×7 times or more in day. If He advises us to be willing to forgive each other so many times over… How much more will He forgive our broken record sins to? Thing is, to be genuine and sincere. To not play the fool or mock God. Get down to business in dealing with the sin that screws you up. Keep your heart soft. I think, sometimes Satan wants you to believe you’ve crossed the Rubicon. If you believe that lie, you’ll continue in that sin until that sin hardens you to the point of being indifferent to the Cross. Fight the good fight…

    4. Aisha,
      Let me start by saying that the most important thing here is that you have the desire to change by repenting, it doesn’t matter if you keep on falling, we live in a world that belongs to the enemy and so as long as we live we will constantly be tempted to sin. As long as you keep seeking for God’s face and ask him to forgive you He will always extend His hand of grace and forgive you EVERY TIME. Now if you were a person who showed no remorse for the sins constantly committed then that’s the only sin God is not able to forgive, this is what the bible calls “hardness of the heart”. In this case you are not recognizing your sins and don’t feel the need to confess and repent. This is a very sad situation because in this case God will not force you to want to seek Him and repent from your sins. He is such a gentleman that He lets us use the gift of free will. So as long as in your heart you feel the need to repent from your sins by seeking God He will always be faithful to His word and forgive and transform you when you seek him with all your heart. May God bless you always!

    5. my dear sister the only way you can get the victory is to obey acts 2 verse 38. If you have does so and you keep falling read fast and pray just a little bit more. God has not forgotten you. hang on in there. You are going to make it.

    6. Yes. I felt the same as the sister who committed abortion. I committed suicide by cutting my breast after I was healed by God from breast cancer and than even committed a bigger sin by letting my breasts be removed. I felt I was selfish of not thinking about my children. Although the Psychiatrist sad I had a deep depression, it does not take my sin away. I cannot tell why I did it, was deceived by the devil about Gods healing and then sin. I have a lot of regret but today the Holy Spirit showed me that I actually had the sin of pride by not accepting God’s forgiveness. I really struggle with it because I believe my sin is to big. I am such a horrible mother, because what kind of mother am I. I just wish God will forgive me and prolong my life despite my dark past to make it up for my children.

    7. Listen.. That is the devil telling you you are not forgiven, I have had the same problem for 2 months, he will always forgive you the sacrifice has been made already… Jesus. I got trapped into thinking faith plus works which is straight mockery and we are saved grace through faith. “ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. John 1:9 .” My question to you is can God lie? No it is impossible that he can lie and that means verse is true and you are forgiven. Hope this helps.

    8. I was in alot of pain awhile back and I got down on my knees crying. Lord will you please take away my pain. I will not pursue my jewelry business if you will take it away. I have since felt guilty about my business and also using it to ask God for what I want. Will god keep me to my word or can I work my jewelry business and ask him for my forgiveness and sins?

    9. Hi Aisha mikael. here . I been scared that I missed the rapture or if at this I be in hell. It when u say i try once then it gets hold of u. Don’t hang out with people that don’t live 4 God . Pick up a by Kynan Bridges unlocking the code of the supernatural .The secret to Gods power in u, moving from flesh to spirit from doubt 2 faith, from doubt 2 faith, from defeat 2 victory ,from natural to supernatural .

    10. I grew up believing in Jesus. Somewhere morals decayed & I’ve been living in sin& guilt for decades . I’ve believed, listened to & acted on every lie &: temptation before me since adulthood. Now I’m :about 2 pass, & I REALLY don’t want 2 go to Hell I had accepted & set out 2 earn knowing I deserved it for following the devil’s prompts & ignoring deliberately &; otherwise the good promptings I believe came from the Holy Spirit. I am despondent with the fact. I never turned from my sins,, I just kept going..now I feel ridiculously stupid asking the Lord to accept me based on Christ alone who is the One I so grieved st EVERY opportunity tho He gave me life & Godly people, I never consulted Him … & Overwhelmed by all my sin, I believed the real Lord would never forgive a person who had heard & known about Jesus since birth but went the way of the world. I have hated myself so bad .I’m sure I believed in the finished work of the cross at some points but the majority of my life it had been based on what I have & have not done, naming every single sin over & over, requesting salvation again only 2 keep living the lies of this world & the deceiver’s wishes .the guilt of which drove me deeper into Satan’s clutches& I didn’t fight him after a point. I feel so hopeless because I decimated the blessed Hope of my youth for the pleasures of the world & then the prompts of demons if not the devil himself. I am scared because it takes a special kind of stupid. I have tried 2 talk 2 family & friends but they remember the girl with the Bible & tell me. You were saved as a child . Gods got you. Relax , let go of your past no matter how evil, relax till you pass to God soon from smoking I can’t. .. I’m devastated by pompous self righteous, prideful arroganceunconscionable behavior to the Only one who matters. I am bedridden , barely alive & TERRIFIED
      If finally Bern reading the scriptures again but it all seems to point to what I suspected-: there is a special place in Hell for those like me who knew of His dying on the cross & I l totally obliterated everything He did for & in me. HELP IF you CAN PLZ Felicia

      1. I will pray for you Felicia. Just remember, God sees our true heart. We are imperfect and we make mistakes. God bless you!

    11. I am in the same place but we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting in that we don’t understand. We are not alone. God keep and bless you.

    12. I completely understand where you are coming from. Quite frankly I have been struggling like you. I keep falling and stumbling, and I truly ask God for forgiveness.. It just feels so wrong. How can I mess up almost everyday and yet He’ll still forgive me. I just feel like I’ve betrayed Him and it’s not fair for me to be forgiven. Not only that, but the more I stumble, the more anxiety I face. But even in my weakness, God is revealing to me His greatness. Although I am often unfaithful, He hasn’t given up on you, nor will He. I heard this song last night that spoke to me saying basically how even when I’m unfaithful, you’re still faithful (speaking about God).

  2. Thank you so very much for sharing that. I battle satan every day telling myself that God has forgiven me and I love Him and humbly accept His forgiveness. However the battle never seems to end and the slighteset thing can bring everything up again and I find myself wallowing in guilt. I’m not going to give up though because ” I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me”.
    I really needed that boost this morning.
    God Bless you Sharon
    Thank you for sharing that story

    1. I am having the same problem.
      I accepted Jesus and let into my heart but at the time I had no desire to turn my life around most would say I was never saved and you know what makes I wasn’t but I sure felt like I was.

      I continued In sexual immorality knowing fully that it was wrong
      Because of this I eventually stop hearing the spirit convict me of it but because I still lived with my parents they continued and continued to make me go to church, truth is I wouldn’t have bothered to go if they didn’t make me I eventually saw how hardened my heart became but this wasn’t enough I try to remove it but this wouldn’t do
      I failed back into the sin once again because of this i fail into and still am in satans grip making me believe that if I couldn’t come to the obedience I couldn’t be saved while I desire to remove my self of that lifestyle I know now down deeply that only Jesus can pull me away from that lifestyle
      I need help? I need christ to remove me from my ways buy I’m still scared of what my parents will say, I need to accept my punishment that I will receive from my parents, I need someone to help me accept what ever punishments my parents choose for they are the tool god uses to discipline me in the obedience and faith in jesus christ
      I know down deeply that my parents will take away from me what ever is required and will give me the instructions needed
      I just don’t want to accept the consequences of my choices

      1. Hi Wendy, I know my answer is rather late and you might have moved on by now but I wanted to tell you something. Yes, we all have to live with the consequences of our choices. But God doesn’t always use punishment as means to make us obey. Guess what he used in my case? Love and mercy. Punishment wouldn’t have made me obey. It was his love and mercy that let me see how evil I have been and was so ashamed to go against his will while knowing it was wrong while he still loved me. Never stopped loving me. Not even when I hurt him like that. My punishment was to see the ugly truth about myself. But my response was love because he loved me first. I obey because I love him. Not because I dread the next punishment. Everyone is different. Maybe he used punishment for some but it’s not generally so.

  3. Sharon,
    I wonder if the condemnation sometimes comes from fearing what others would say if they knew our stories. I know in my life I have found myself paralyzed not by feeling I’m not forgiven by God but knowing that others would condemn if they knew. So fear of people can be a huge influence too. Just a thought.

  4. What do you do with a Father (God) that would send His only SON to die for all of your sins including murder, adultery, lying, stealing, and just plain disobedience. You embrace Him with humility and pray with a grateful heart that He will continue to keep us (you) from falling into the snares of the devil who desires to keep our minds on the sins we have committed so that we will not experience His joy, peace, and most of all Love. You are right we don’t deserve it. But God commended His love toward us in that while we were yet SINNERS, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. God loves you and if you have accepted Him into your heart ALL of your sins have already been forgiven. Now we can by God’s grace live with the truth we have been set free forever. John 8: 32.

  5. This is what I need to hear today. Although I did not physically have an affair I left my controlling abusive husband after reconnecting with an old friend. I was tired of being my husbands emotional punching bag and filed for divorce. While I am glad to be away from him my guilt comes from growing up in a family where divorce was considered a sin and I hate that I ripped apart my step childrens lives for a second time. I was their step mother for 17 years as their dad and mom also had an ugly divorce. I am working through forgiving myself but it is not always easy. Thank you for your words of wisdom! May God bless you. Sandy

  6. Just beautiful, Sharon. Thank you for your truthful words and reminder of God’s great grace. If God can forgive us, who are we to not forgive ourselves? I have lived in those bushes of shame, but not any more. I don’t want to miss any more glory moments…they are too precious!!

  7. I was Nudged this morning that one of the devotionals in my email would be significant. I am considering a change of vocation and I was certain the one that would jump out at me would be along those lines. I read the first one. No dice. It didn’t speak to me. The second one was ok, but I deleted it, believing the third one held the message *I* was supposed to get today. It was, but it had nothing to do with my vocational focus.

    I am almost to a T the woman who blogged you. I realized I had never asked God for forgiveness. I knew he forgave me, and wasn’t that enough? No, no it isn’t/ If someone brings you a birthday gift and hands it to you but you don’t open it, how can your life (or the lives of others) be changed by it, and so it is with Grace. I discovered this morning that in the asking, I am a better recipient.

    Please thank the woman whose letter is above. Her transparency with others is a Gift.

  8. Such a powerful piece, really spoke to me as I can identify with some of her past. Over the past few years it seems my past is coming back to haunt me more and more every day. Some days I try to push the guilt and memories down and other days it seems I can’t get away from it. My sins are so huge in my mind, I can’t speak of them much less write them down. And like her I cannot begin to fathom how God can forgive me. I’ve asked God to forgive me, but never had the broken down on my knees consumed with tears, etc. experience. So does this mean I haven’t really truly asked for forgiveness? I am so consumed with guilt, fear that I haven’t done it properly and that He has not forgiven me. Yet through all that I did and still fall short, God has blessed me tremendously. Then I look at people who in my opinion are such awesome God loving people and yet they are struck down with bad things, such as a past Pastor who had cancer, believed to be free from and then to find out it’s back and at same time his wife found out she had cancer and had a double masectomy. How can those two people who have never done anything to hurt anyone, lived as God asked and loved Him with all their heart be subjected to such things and yet I who have done unspeakable things, have been blessed all my life? I truly am in such turmoil which keeps me down and from believing that He could possibly forgive me. I can’t seem to let it go and believe! Your post “I can’t forgive myself. Grace just doesn’t make sense. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.” is my motto, every moment of my life. I feel like the only way I will ever know that He has truly forgiven me is to be hit up side the head by a two by four. Thank you so much for this post, I think I need to keep reading it over and over. It’s awful not knowing within if you have been forgiven, truly. And all the blessings in my life are they from Him (which I choose to try to believe) or is it just that I’m one of the fortunate ones?

  9. THANK YOU!! AMEN!! You message so needs to be accepted by Christians. So many do not understand God’s grace

  10. I was abused when I was a child, it goes back to when I was a infant. Don’t remember much but what I do remember, I wish it would go away but thank God that I can call on Him and I’m am overwhelmed with His peace and mercy. What happened to me as a child and a adult has made me the person I am today. I don’t look toward the past like satan wants me to, I look toward the future like God wants me to and all the wonderful gifts and treasures that God has in store for me in eternity. Thank God for all the blessings and mercy He has bestowed on me. Thank Him for giving His one and only Son for a person like me. Thank Him for his forgiveness. Love you God! Your daughter rhonda

  11. This is beautiful and so well put with love in the writing. Thank you for sharing. God’s grace is overwhelming. His love unending. God bless you and yours.

  12. Thank you for that reminder. Although I don’t think as often of my sin of abortion as I used to, the enemy still brings it to mind sometimes to tell me I am not good enough and not deserving. The enemy is strong in his attacks and knows right where our weakness lies. God often leads us back to truth through the words of others. If God doesn’t condemn me, then who am I to keep condemning myself!!

  13. I AM HERE LORD! I am trying Lord! Trying to figure out how to REST and to BELIEVE and leave everything to You. I consciously know that You do have everything in my life under Your control. And that is comforting. But the devil keeps yelling in my ears, “You are not worthy!” And something inside of me says, “you are right. I am not worthy.” Help me to also say, “but I am the righteousness of God by faith in Christ Jesus and His GRACE makes me worthy!!” Praise the Lord for he is good; his mercy & grace endures forever more!!! Amen! Amen!

  14. I’ve battled and am currently battling depression. My life is immensely blessed but something is missing. I blame my husband’s lack of attention; that doesn’t work. I blame my kids growing up and leaving; that doesn’t work either. I blame my work environment; that doesn’t work.

    I realized this morning its my lacking relationship with God. My joy is gone; I am missing intimacy with Him. I feel so weak, timid and ashamed for I have allowed me and my family to drift away from God.

    I hear Satans lies telling me I’m not good enough, not smart enough, why does my family even love me I don’t deserve it.

    Frankly I am scared to get back into a relationship with him due to past and current transgressions. I know he has forgiven me…cant tell you how many times I have read and heard that in bible studies, church services, and from current family members. Never internalized it though; Grace is for more deserving people.

    I need courage and this mornings email has shown me that I need to grab hold of his Grace and never let go…

    Thank you!

  15. I am blown away by this e-mail. Just what I needed to hear! Isn’t that just like God? Trusting Him more for everything, not just the big things, realizing that He cares about everything in my life. No need for me to “try harder”! Just rest in Him and be still and know that He is God!

  16. I kept thinking of Psalm 103 as I read this devotional. It is a powerful reminder of what God does for us in His mercy. Some of the highlights follow:

    Praise the Lord, O my soul … who forgives all your sins … who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion … He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:1, 3, 4,10-12

    I feel swept clean just reading it!

  17. This story is just what I needed to hear. I often have doubts of God’s love for me, since I’ve become a Christian. And question my salvation, I feel like I made more mistakes after knowing him, and feel like I’m never going to be good enough. I realize I haven’t been listening to God but the enemy. I know that God hasn’t left me but I have felt such shame that I walked away from him. Thank you for this ministry, I really thought that there was no hope for me. Jesus does love me and want me.

  18. I too felt like God would not forgive me after having an affair. In my case he divorced his wife and we married as I was a widow. I’ve asked forgiveness many times but always felt I had to do more. I have thought about telling his kids or mine or even his ex wife. Now that I have read this I no longer feel that way. Thank you

  19. This story is very familiar to mine but I did not become pregnant by the grace of God. I knew all these scriptures about forgiveness and knew God had forgiven me but could not forgive myself. One day though He, God, spoke to me and asked me if I thought I was better than Him. This really brought me to my knees. I said no Lord no way. He said if I would not forgive myself that is exactly what I was doing. If we don’t forgive ourselves we are putting ourselves above God and making an idol out of this. I pray that this will also help others to forgive theirselves as well.

  20. Hello Sharon, commenting on

    When you feel you’ve fallen to far.

    I too had an abortion at the age of 17, I was in HS. I felt guilty, dirty, unworthy until I confessed (at the age of 36) and was given absolution. That being said, I’m not certain it’s that we wonder if the aborted baby was a girl or boy. Every year I remember that dreadful moment and think my baby would be 35. I use to cry when I remembered, I have finally come to accept what I did and how wrong it was. I am now 52, I remember and I pray for my baby, and I tell him what a coward I was and how sorry I am, to please forgive me. Could that be it Sharon, we want forgiveness from our baby?
    YSIC & Warm Regards

  21. Thank you, with a smililar story, I concur that although I didn’t always understand Grace, I received His forgiveness, It required supernatural changes within me because He who created me is Supernatural.
    I am Thine O Lord
    I have heard They voice
    And it told They love to me

    And every word from His mouth and His Word to my heart I believe, and I need Him daily……

  22. Thank you for your words of inspiration. ‘For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’ …I am reminded of this, as I look at my past and feel I am not worthy because of what I’ve done. God already knew everything we are going to do before we were born. Thank you for reminding me that he forgives us. Always. I am like the girl in the email. I too went through an abortion and struggle daily with the mental repercussions of my actions, but slowly and surely through messages like yours and devotional so like yours, I am redeemed and feel set free from my past. Thank you! God Bless You!

  23. I was a saved, born-again Christian for many years, but got trapped in sexual sin that I could not seem to break free from until a Godly woman reached down and pulled me out of the miry pit. I was a prisoner of my life of sin for 12 years. I had never really felt loved and was seeking to feel love through having intimate relationships with men. I believe part of my problem is that I was sexually abused and it was like I let men continue to sexually abuse me, doing things I didn’t even really want to do, and thinking that was love. But, then there was another element to it that I was addicted in some way to it. I confessed my sin to God, wept, and repented…meaning I turned around and walked the other way. God’s Holy Spirit came rushing in to fill me at that moment and I knew God forgave me. Don’t let the devil steal that joy from you. I can’t say that my life is all peaches and roses since I gave up my sin, and I can’t say that I am never tempted to go back to it. But I think about when I die I will see Him face to face and that is all that will matter in that moment. His amazing grace and love covers a multitude of sins. We cannot comprehend the love of the Father for us. At least I know that I cannot comprehend it. After my repentance I lived in a lot of regret over lost time with my son during my years of sin, and loss of having meaningful friendships and everything that the devil had stolen from me. But you know what? God has a way of making things beautiful. And I see that even though I was not mother of the year, I truly love my son, and he has learned to become an independent leader perhaps as a result of me not being truly present with him during my years of sin. I cannot get those lost years back, but I CAN choose to live to walk with Jesus day by day, moment by moment. I want to tell the woman who aborted her baby this: you will see your baby in heaven and you will realize that Jesus has been holding and caring for your baby all the time you were on earth regretting your abortion. So, don’t look back anymore with regret. Look forward with anticipation that on that great day you will be with your baby in heaven. Choose to walk this life hand in hand with our Savior and be ever mindful of his
    presence in your life. Commune with Him moment by moment and accept the grace and forgiveness that makes you “whiter than snow”.

  24. Dear Sharon I must say you girls must have creeped into my mind because your devotionals are always some of my thoughts. But your messages really help me get through my days.
    I always think my prayers are so child- like even though I know God’s listening. But I keep moving on to make them more meaningful. Thank you so much for your devotions, they are really important to me and I’m sure for others as well.

  25. My heart goes out to every precious one who has responded and can not “feel” forgiven. I so understand and was once there myself. I encourage you dear sisters to remember two things.

    1. Forgiveness is a fact, not a feeling. Feelings come because of how we “think”. Once we choose to think on the truth of Scripture (and that is where we need to set our minds every day), then our feelings will actually align themselves accordingly. Dear sisters, our feelings must never be permitted to “control” us, especially to the point that we’re useless for God because of the enemy’s miserable tauntings.

    2. Needing to forgive ourselves is not biblical. It’s simply a tactic that the enemy uses to KEEP US DOWN. In fact, if we journal that thought through to its very conclusion we’ll see that when we say “I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself” we are in effect placing more importance on our forgiveness of ourselves than on Almighty God’s! Now do you see what a lie it is? :o)

    Oh dear sisters, we have an enemy that knows our weaknesses and our woundedness and we must too because that’s where he’s going to attack. Reject that lie! You and I ARE completely, refreshingly, amazingly, forgiven. Fully and completely. Jesus paid dearly for our forgiveness. Let Him and His forgiveness be all you need, then thank Him and be set free to abide in Him, heartbeat by heartbeat.

    With tender love to each of you,

  26. Dear Sharon, I really want to get close to God. I started by reading my Bible more. But each time I open my Bible to read I don’t know which passage to go to. I don’t know what to read to get me close to God. And then I get angry and close the Bible and I feel so empty. I feel I’m not the Christian he wants me to be. Please how do I get close to him. How do I know when he is speaking to me.

    1. Post

      Hi Sharon: I would start by reading the book of John. I think my book A Sudden Glory might be a great help to you. You can read a free chapter on my website. Click on the book cover in the bookstore and it will take you to the page where the free chapter lives.

  27. It seems lately I am constantly begging God to love me, to hold me, to not forsake me. Because i know I deserve judgement and not mercy. I live with self condemnation, depression, and that in turn erupts into just plain anger. I feel worthless. I pray and tell God, I don’t care if im the black sheep, or the red-headed stepchild as long as you love me. I’ll gladly sit at your feet and eat the crumbs that fall from your table, just see me. I know God’s word says im supposed to be the head and not the tail, but I am plagued by doubt. There is not one specific incident or sin that has resulted in this, it’s a lifetime of mistakes, failures, sins, all combined to make me feel unworthy, yet to be held in my father’s arms is my deepest desire. Please pray that I can finally feel His arms around me. And know that I know that I know, that I am His.

  28. Sharon, what would you say to a woman who Believes that her sins have caused her to miss God’s will and perfect plan for her life as I know I have. Four years ago, God called me into something very specific and over the course of a year made a way for me to enter into it. I was in a church for two years where I was spiritually abused and deceived and because of some wrong teaching I had when I came out of there, I made some decisions that while weren’t sinful were definitely unwise and legalistic. It has been three years and u know that my one wrong turn caused me to not only miss that, but maybe even forfeit that and I believe because of all the wrong I have done since then, God has decided that He is going to rescind those callings. I don’t know what to do and habe felt so horrible that I’ve even considered ending my life. Any advice?

  29. I reach a point that I give up repenting, because I always sin again sooner or later. I think that’s who I am, who sins always. Instead of trying to be who I am not-masked to be a saint, why don’t I accept who I am? I have a permanent black stain on my soul, that’s who I am. If I repent and sin again, that makes me a hypocrite. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. In our local region we have a saying translate like rather be a real bad guy than be a false gentleman. I think that’s for me.

  30. Hello. I am a man. I recently have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. I knew of him when I was younger and thought I followed him but I was always sinning and not turning away from sexual sins. So I know I never really repented..anywho I just came to Him. A year Before that though I was being promiscuous and sleeping wth plenty of girls. Feeling strong and manly cause I could do so. I met my now girlfriend who I cheated on several times. She caught me once and we fought. I told her I’d change but being in a worldly mindset all my friends told me it was ok since I didn’t love the others girls. So I made myself feel normal about it. I cheated on her about 3 times after wards. Then one day I woke up, and I had an urge to get to know Jesus. I had an urge to seek him. To find out if I’m goin to hell or heaven so I started to seek him. So me and my gf are ski our best to follow him now. I led her to Christ. Medical Troubles led me to Him. And I have changed my ways now I want to no longer live in sin or cheat or lie or steal or be the horrible person I was before. However one gong has bothered me. I know Jesus forgives me of my sins, I know there is no condemnation for those in Christ old things have past new things have come. But I feel so guilty of having done those things. Not just to her but to all the other girls I was in a serious relationship with. I feel bad for all the sins I’ve done. And it eats me alive. Do I have to confess what I did to her? If I do she’ll sumble and turn away from God. And hate me. it says in the Bible “Do not make your Christian brother sin.” And “woe to him who turns one of these little ones away from me” I would never EVER hurt her again and if God permits our marriage I would never cheat and commit adultery. I am changing I even gave all the clothes I stole to the poor out of guilt. I am throwing old stuff out. So that Christ can shine in me and my girlfriend. Must I confess to her and all the other people I’ve hurt? I was reading in the Bible and it says whatever decision you do to do it with wisdom of the outcomes.

  31. I know I’ve been forgiven. So why is it so impossibly hard for me to move on? Its like I’m stuck in this pit of guilt, shame, regret, self hatred, depression. I think of hurting myself to numb the pain, or just ending it all, all the time. After all, I would much rather walk the streets of gold than stay trapped in a body and life that I hate. I know I’m saved. I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I know that when I confessed and repented, that I was forgiven. So please, somebody please tell me why I still feel this way?! I need a breakthrough before I completely breakdown!!

    1. I feel the same way too! You are not alone. It is a mixture of emotions for me right now. But how are you doing now? I hope you have healed because they say time heals.

  32. I didnt repent until I got sick and then out of fear and sadness turned to God. I keep having major anxiety that I lost my chance to truly repent and it doesn’t count now as true repentance and that I am doomed. I spend my days in anxiety that not only am I sick here but that I can’t go to Heaven. I have prayed so much to feel God and juts to know if I’m forgiven.

    1. Hello, how are you doing now? I feel that I am experiencing something similar. I can’t sleep at night because I’m afraid my repentance isn’t true and sincere.

    1. God is the only one who can forgive you and there is forgiveness for you.
      Psalm 86:5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
      Without the mercy and forgiveness of God, even after becoming a Christian, none of us could stand.
      We are to come to God when we sin and not run away.
      Ezekiel 33:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
      11 Say to them, ‘As I live!’ declares the Lord [a]God, ‘I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live.
      Psalm 130: 3-4 3 If You, LORD, should mark iniquities O Lord, who could stand? 4But there is forgiveness with You,
      That You may be feared.
      On the same note, however, Jesus told the woman caught in adultery “Go, and do not sin anymore”
      Sin has consequences even after we are forgiven and some are lifelong as with King David.
      However, it is important to stop the sin before the consequences become overwhelming and sometimes they may even lead to death.

    1. Destinie, your unworthiness feeling is a sign you still have a deep reverence for God and that says a lot about you.
      We cannot make ourselves worthy before God. Jesus has done that for us while we were yet in sin.
      It is very hard to fall too far from God’s grace.
      Yes, you, or anyone can fall deep into sin and feel like you have gone too far.
      I felt that way myself, and I am still ashamed of myself for falling into sin, but it happens.
      The thing here is to acknowledge your sin to God, repent, get prayer from other Christians, and do not go back into it.
      God will restore you, and there may be some consequences depending on how deep the sin is, but the longer you wait, the deeper the consequences, and the worse you will feel about approaching God who only wants to forgive you and restore you.
      Psalm 86:5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
      We are to come to God when we sin and not run away. God actually actively pursues sinners in hope of their repentance!
      Ezekiel 33:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
      11 Say to them, ‘As I live!’ declares the Lord [a]God, ‘I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live.
      Sin has consequences sometimes even after we are forgiven and some are lifelong as with King David.
      However, it is important to stop the sin before the consequences become overwhelming and sometimes they may even lead to death.
      God is the only one who can forgive you and there is forgiveness for you.
      Without the mercy and forgiveness of God, even after becoming a Christian, none of us could stand.
      Psalm 130: 3-4 3 If You, LORD, should mark iniquities O Lord, who could stand? 4But there is forgiveness with You,
      That You may be feared.
      Jesus said ” I will never leave you or forsake you”
      In sin, our fellowship with God becomes broken and He waits for us to repent from it and turn back to Him.
      It we don’t stop our sin, He begins to chastise us as a Father does His child to bring us back into a loving relationship with Him.
      If we still don’t listen, this usually ends with physical death so that we do not get condemned with the rest of the world, but not many children of God have this happen to them, but it has.
      Jesus told the man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:14 (NAS) Afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “Behold, you have become well; do not sin anymore, so that nothing worse happens to you.”
      This happened to some of the Corinthians in Chapter 11:29-32.
      Some have tried to explain this away that God did not actually cause some to die, but it is there in black and white that some did for sinning against the body of Christ(one another by being selfish) and also against God by counting the Lord’s Supper as common food and drink.
      So, confess your sin to God, repent of what you are doing, and do not sin anymore, and God will forgive you and restore you.
      He loves you, and only wants to be your friend, always.

  33. Hey..
    I have been struggling. I am 20 years old, single and never had sex. I love God, I want to serve its always been my wish to live for him. Recently I rarely even have time for God. My prayer life is dead. I started taking some alcohol. I also began watching pornography. I wonna get born again afresh and go back to God.

    1. Post

      Hi Faith. Sweet girl, you don’t need to get born again. Once your are born again, you don’t need to do it again. What you do need to do is confess your sin and repent. Repent means to turn and go in the opposite direction. When you ask God to forgive you, he will. True repentance means to turn and go in the opposite direction. Remember when the Jesus was confronted with the woman caught in adultery? He forgave her, and then he said, go and sin no more. He wasn’t saying dont ever sin again. None of us could do that. What he was saying is go and don’t do that sin anymore. So picture yourself before him like that very woman. He looks in your eyes with love, forgives you, and says, “Now go, and don’t do that sin anymore.” Then I would suggest getting a trusted accountability partner who will ask you from time to time how you’re doing with that particular issue. Make sense?

      1. After I was saved in Australia in 1982, I followed the Lord about 4 or 5 years before starting college and got married; then I ended up using drugs to graduate, and when my wife started sleeping around in a major way, I also got hooked on porno. I was terribly guilt ridden and was lost again. I still realized I had been saved but didn’t know if Jesus would forgive my backsliding. A long time passed; and I still went to church, but I was miserable. Then I remembered Matthew 11 vs 12 The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force”. I became determined to get Jesus back. I started attending a Baptist church near my house and plunged in with both feet. I joined the choir, ended up being the groundskeeper and like the parable of the prodigal son, the pastor gave me a key to the church! I go over every day to take care of it even though I still felt so guilty I expected the Lord to kill me while I was inside the church because I might have been a reprobate! But, he hasn’t yet; which is “just like His great love” Now the pastor and I are are good friends along with the assistant pastor, and slowly but surely, I am feeling forgiven again and starting to feel the joy of my salvation again! Hallelujah! There is another passage, Luke 16 vs 16 that talks about “pressing into” the Kingdom of God. So, my advice to you is to get plugged into a church and be faithful there. Jesus said “whoever comes to Him, He will in no wise cast out.” It’s not working for your salvation, but it is working for me. God Bless you, Faith.

  34. I was brought up in a Christian home, I got pregnant (Twice) with my boyfriend before we were married at age 18. We chose abortion both times. I buried my memories of those two abortions for 25 years. We had 3 children during those years. I never told anyone about what I had done. I was so alone and afraid. I finally went to a post abortion retreat because I could not bear the burden of what I had done any longer… for years I felt better, I even felt god had forgiven me, but I still could not forgive myself. I spent 3 Decades burying my emotions in alcohol, and eating disorders, to try to numb the pain. I lied, I stole things that didn’t belong to me… all part of my disgusting sin as I never felt good enough so why try to do good. 6 yrs ago I went to a celebrate recovery program through my church because my alcoholism was destroying my family. I didn’t realize that it was all because I was self destructing because I still had so much guilt from the abortions. I’ve stopped drinking and purging, and was baptized. I decided to surrender my life totally to the Lord… no more self sabatoging. .. no more lies. I was so happy… until six months ago, I heard the lies. I’ve been listening to satin telling me to remember all the horrible things I did! I keep feeling all the guilt, all the shame, every sin from 30 years ago. I’m 59. I have 5 wonderful grand children. I’m so very blessed. My husband and I have been married 40 years. He is now a Christian as well… reading all the posts above has opened my eyes to know that I am forgiven… I cannot listen to Satins lies… thank you for all the openness and honesty on this blog. I so needed to read this tonight!

    1. Post

      Oh sweet sister. You are so loved and completely forgiven. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy. Hold up your hand like a stop sign and tell him he has no place here! I’m so proud of all you’ve done in recovery. You are a marvel and inspiration!

  35. I am so disgusted with myself I have a lot of Shame after my Husband left and divorced me I went with a lot of different thinking sex would make everything better It almost cost me my life because this one guy almost left me for dead that was over 20 years ago Still insecure I would pray I even attended deliverance ministries I still feel this shame and there’s so much more to much to write here Thank You Everyone God Bless You All I still suffer with fear and anxiety I pray God will deliver mel

    1. Post

      Hey Kathy. Have you read my book, Enough: Silencing the Lies that Steal Your Confidence? I think it really might help you to overcome those lies that are taunting you.
      Love you much!

  36. Dear Friends, you are just coming to terms with the exceedingly sinfulness of sin and do not confuse the work of the Holy Spirit with the work of Satan the accuser of the brethren. The HS is convicting you of sin and you actually have to be thankful. Satan will try and convince you that you are beyond redemption but the exceeding richness of God’s mercy and grace is even greater than you can imagine. While under the conviction of sin I can assure you on the authority of God’s own Word that He has never left you. Do not confuse God’s Grace and mercy with His hatred of sin and His wrath, just think of the price He paid to redeem us. Take God at His Word and what Jesus said. Read what Paul, Peter and John say about sin and God’s way of salvation. When you do you will realise, because of your own conviction off sin, what a Wonderful Saviour we have. We all have sinned and in my experience it tends to show that it is the most convicted sinners who love their Saviour and their Father most – thereby satisfying the first commandment more than others.God is merciful to me – a sinner, saved by grace through faith and this is God’s gift to us

  37. Hello,
    sorry for my bad English; I’m living a nightmare, I am a believer but I am oppressed and tormented by my sinful thoughts; my heart is hard (I terrible am falled away); I live in fear and I am expecting only to die; I would like to explain better my situation but its not easy for me; i cannot feel His love and forgiveness in my heart from many years

  38. I feel so far from God. I feel like I just keep falling into my old ways and it keeps pushing me further and further from God. It’s like no matter how many times I ask for forgiveness I still consider my self a failure. And sometimes I feel like I ask too much for God to forgive me. This post just brought light into my dark days. It reminded me that when God says he will forgive you, HE WILL FORGIVE YOU! There is no what if’s or buts about it. What God says he will do, he will do. God also never gets tired of hearing his children talk to him or ask him for things. God wants you to rely on him to supply your every need. I know that we are all human and everyone messes up at times, but it feels like I just keep messing up more and more. This whole post has opened my eyes and showed me that I need to repent of my ways and just lean on God. When you seem far from God just remember that he will always remain the same and that he’s not the one that moved, you are! Sending my love, support and prayers out to all of the others struggling this week!<3

      1. Hi little one, God loves you. No matter what has traumatized you, you are loved.

        If the thing that traumatized you is something someone is doing to you daily call 911 right this minute and tell someone to come and help you. If it is a sad moment from a past experience, pray this prayer each time you feel sad.

        Prayer: Dear Jesus I am so sad right now.
        I hurt LORD please take this pain away and make me happy again. I love you Jesus and thank you for taking away my pain. Amen

  39. Wow I’ve read several of the comments and I felt like I was reading my own story. I pray and repent. But don’t feel forgiven. It’s like I’m walking around with guilt all the time. I too feel like I’m hopeless and God has washed His hands with me because of my disobedience and rebellion. Because I had a form of godliness and denied His power. One day I suddenly realized that He isn’t talking or responding to me anymore. I’m so afraid that I’m lost. I’m deal with fear and anxiety on a daily basis. It’s like my prayers are repetitious and I don’t know what to pray anymore. I’ve prayed and asked God to help me and make me better, but I get no answer. It’s like I have intrusive thoughts even to the point where it’s curse words come to my mind about God. I get so scared because I know it’s not me. I wouldn’t say anything like that. I even feel guilty if I talk to someone and we talk about a situation involving another individual. And it could be the truth what is being said but I feel like I’ve done something wrong. Even expressing my opinion I feel the same way. Sometimes I have ugly and mean thoughts about people even when I’m in church. It’s like something is telling me that I may as well just forget it because I’m a reprobate. It’s like when I’m in church certain things come up and I always feel like it’s referenced to me. It’s like I always start things and I’m easily distracted. It’s like when I be at church I be wishing somebody say something to me from God to relieve me. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. As much as I want to know what’s wrong with me I’m even afraid of what the answer might be. When I tell you that I saw myself in several things I’ve read on here omggggggggg. But none as extreme as mine.

  40. Oh and I forgot to mention I struggle with my prayer life and my study time with God. I remember when I was younger I read the Bible everyday all throughout the day, Prayer and fasting was my lifestyle.

  41. Things keep coming to me that I forgot to write. I feel like the only reason I feel so guilty is because when I noticed these things about myself I got curious and started reading different things and I found a video that scared the daylights out of me. So I’m scared of going to hell I really want to live for God and work out my soul salvation. But I always feel that I’m doing things out of duty instead of my love for God.

  42. Before I read this article, I felt guilty of the sin of an abortion and abusive behavior towards my son. It was what I learned as I was growing up, until I ran away from home. My son was broken hearted and confused due to his abuse by me. And for many years and even as an adult, I could see his pain. At one point in my life I wanted to write my life’s story because I wanted to kill myself but I needed to be sure my truth was known. As adult’s, children read it and we cried together and it seems as if they understood I wasn’t a horrible monster on my own. This opened the door for my son and I to heal our relationship, although the pain was and is still there, he and I share a bond which hurts but we together can heal. But I still felt unworthy of of forgiveness from GOD, I know He loves me but why don’t I see that I deserve such a gift after I broke the most precious trust as a mother to protect my child.

  43. Thank you so much for this wonderful piece of truth. I Am a 32 year old single mom(African) who became a mom when I was a teenager. I have passed through a lot of emotional and physical abuse growing up. I lost my parents at a tender age and this sent me to different homes. Whoever was willing to take care of me took me in.I missed my parents so much. I was a lonely kid. I ended up getting pregnant and had twins. A well wisher took me back to school and paid for my university fees. I obtained a degree in special education even though I am not yet working. Life has not been easy, I have gotten myself in wrong relationships that made me feel unloved by God. I fail to understand that God has forgiven me because of circumstances I get back in these relationships that take me back to sin. I am praying for a good marriage and a stable home and job . I really need God in my life because I feel lost sometimes. My twins are the reason why I keep forging ahead hoping for the best.

  44. I used to feel so close to God, no matter what happened I would always trust in him. My family was going through hard times then, and I promised I would never forget him and always praise him. Recently after somethings got better, other things got harder. My passion my hunger for god was gone. This year i’ve just been so empty. Every-time I finally think i can stop a certain sin, something bad happens and I find myself lost. I’ve done that sin so many times, and I just feel like I’m far God, I’m lost and confused. On top of all that there are people I thought I could always look up to, just putting me down without any reason. I lose all my battles, and i don’t feel like God can ever love me.

  45. Thank you for sharing this. I too have heavy heart. I want trying hard to develop a good relationship with the Lord and to avoid sinning, but suddenly.. because of my short temper.. I snapped! I have sinned against someone and the Lord. I already ask for forgiveness, but it’s seem to me that my sin is a big deal and that a simple sorry will not be enough.. I cannot pray to Him.. I cannot do the things I used to do before. I am also so disappointed of myself. Just when I thought I am already doing good. It makes me think that God would not give me any more favors and that I no longer deserves blessings. But thanks to you for reminding us that there is no sin big enough that the Lord cannot forgive. What He did in the cross pays it all. I just hope that I will not commit the same mistake and to have more faith that God is a forgiving God. He loves me.

  46. Please pray for me that God would send someone in my life that will help me to talk about my situation and stand with me and not give up on me .and pray for me.

  47. I just recently, within the last week have come to the place of realizing that I have been in a serious backslidden condition for quite some time due to never truly repenting of sexual immorality from years gone by. But in the process of coming to this understanding, I have caused a great deal of pain to those in my church family who have loved me and stood by me through the years. They have dealt with me many times with various issues I was having , but there was never resolution and no one could ever understand what the true reason was. I myself was completely deceived until now because I thought I was doing all the right things; going to church, reading my bible, praying, etc., etc. And in the process of this last situation I had to confess a lustful dream and a coveting of my best friends family situation. She is also m pastor’s wife which compounds my guilt and shame. This among other things has been a huge weight of sin for me for some time now. And this has caused a tremendous strain on our relationship and rightly so. The Lord has been gracious and merciful in revealing to me the cause of years worth of being tossed to and fro and that being a lack of true repentance. So I have been before Him constantly for the last week, fasting, praying and asking that He would grant me repentance, that He would bring healing and restoration. My prayer is that the time will come that there can be reconciliation with my dear friend and church family. In the meantime, I am in a place of really surrendering my life to Jesus. I realized in all of this that part of my backsliding was taking back any and all control of my life and not trusting the Lord to handle everything for me. I know I’m not alone in this and that is why I’m sharing this story. I ask for prayer and will offer up prayers for all who have done as I have, left their First Love, set up idols and not truly repented of their sin. I am hopeful of a full restoration and to finally come into the fullness of Jesus that I know He wants for me and many more like me. Thank you for allowing me to tell this story. And may the Lord bless you. And for Dorothy, I am praying for you to receive all you need from our loving Lord.

    1. You are not alone. There are people in this situation exactly as you said; left their first love, set up idols and not truly repented.
      Thank you for sharing and praying about this.

  48. Hi , My name is Kayla, and I struggle with doubt. I’ve repented of my sins, after a long time of struggle , and whenever I do something wrong I apologize, but I feel like the reason I was not repenting is because I was scared.

    Scared I’d never meet God’s standards and go to hell, and even that the Holy Spirit would leave, because I’ve said and done so many bad things, I’ve grieved Him, and I know He won’t leave , unless that particular person is beyond saving. No matter what i fear tomorrow, I don’t know how to trust God and stop worrying, because my entire life could depend on events that occur in the next 24hrs if my life.

    I know I have to trust him fully,but I don’t know how to get out the Bush, out the shadows, my box and trust him.

    1. I feel the same as you do Kayla. I feel like I have grieved the Holy Spirit away and I am all alone and will never be forgiven. I have prayed to God so may times for forgiveness. My heart believes in him, but my flesh thinks I can’t be forgiven. I struggle with this daily. I do however believe that God’s grace and forgiveness to be real, I just have a difficult time committing because I still feel guilt in my life for past sins. I will remember you in my prayers, and I hope you as well.

    2. I know I have been forgiven of 3 past sins, but I told a brother in the Lord my past sins. He dumped me as a friend. Now, I feel dirtier than before. I don’t have remorse cause I am past that. But since I’m not perpetually remorseful, he thinks I have not repented. What gives?

  49. I understand God died for sins pass present future and everything that you can confess. How can you confess it future sin . One that you know Will be there but you wish it wasn’t. I cannot articulate Here. Know that I am being totally up front and true. Thank you

  50. Thank all of you for your comments. I am fighting with a load of guilt and struggling to believe God has forgiven me because of a fear of having disobeyed Him in the past. I have been happily involved in ministry for years and years, but secretly harboring a fear that I might have turned my back on Him in college. That was over 30 years ago, but I cultivated a focus on doing ministry to the “here and now” and kept hoping God would continue putting off His coming because I hadn’t yet found a solution to the fear of the Rapture and fear that I might not make it. I’ve lived and survived and even felt like I’ve “thrived” with this mindset.

    Until I got appointed as a missionary. I was called to missions as a teenager. I’ve been pursuing this all my life. Even through the years of feeling worried about disobeying. Finally my life goal has come true and suddenly, I have felt bombarded with the guilt of 30 years of wondering if I not only failed the Lord in college, but if I also took advantage of His grace or perceived grace all my adult life. Now I’ve been feeling a sense of absence fr K God even when I pray or try to minister. I have enjoyed 30 years of song writing about His love and presence – shared it with others – to then end up here in a field of guilt and fear?? Feeling condemned?? With headaches from all the ruminating all day about this? I’m concerned also about the secretion of:cortisol from fear and anxiety, and what exactly has this stress done to my body? To memory?

    I’m desperate to get back to homeostasis and God’s full grace. Can anyone relate to these feelings? I’m desperate for peace and to be able to fully embrace and believe God has mercy for even me. I feel worried that I inadvertently turned my back on Him and neglected my Bible reading even during such a long season of His mercy and grace. I never intended to turn my back on Him. Please pray for me and if you have any word of encouragement and from the Lord.

    1. Hi nick . Guilts tells me I did something wrong but shame tells me I am something wrong. This being said brokeness is God requirement 4 maximum usefulness . Don’t look back press forward .. ephesian chapter one & two show us are identity in Christ . I am blessed – I am chosen- I am adopted – I am redeemed – I am forgiven – I am sealed – I am loved – I am a child of God Find a true brother of Christ to disciple . Get a poster board write the promises of God on it pray 4 those that despise remember we must come as child not a adult. Like a child call his father daddy walk in the beauty of love grace.. Most don’t hang out with people that don’t love God . It’s easier to keep ur heart clean then to clean it after. Make red chili on your stove don’t clean after it stays 4 week or month , then it bakes on. Man what a task to clean after all that time .

  51. Hello Sharon
    I have lived a awful life to the extent that I was diagnosed of a disease called Acid reflux over 8 months now I have tried medications nothing is working I have repented several times so I can receive healing from God but I still find it difficult to forgive myself to the extent of having insomnia through thinking and depression because I already knew what the Bible says about repentance I don’t know how to come out of this I need help

  52. I have sinned a great sin. It has become a habit. Idk if God will forgive me of this one. It’s telling lies . I have a need for attention so I tell lies about myself so people will feel sorry for me and want to be my friend. I’ve taken this to God more times than I can count . It just conntenues. I don’t want to go to hell. I want to meet Jesus in Heaven.please is there anything I can do to stop this evil thing I’m doing.

  53. Hi Sharon,
    Some say that its good to get things off your chest. I am in a loveless marriage, with many past betrayals (not physical) and deep hurts. I don’t love my husband of 39 yrs any longer. We’ve tried counseling, but truly we’ve had more difficult years than not. I’ve tried so hard, prayed and cried, to “choose love” but we are so not connected and very estranged at this point. We can’t even have a conversation without getting snarky with one another. Most of the time I shut down and won’t even engage. I feel horrible for the way we are.

  54. A broken person can only feel at home with others who KNOW that Love and Mercy is our only glimmer of Rescue. Thanks beyond words for speaking my life in all of these pleas to God and each other. My life and family is a mess because of me and I need every Repentance and every Mercy beyond the “worst” of sins mentioned here.
    May Father God, the Father of our only Savior and HERO Jesus Christ Jealously and Tenderly Protect and Care for and Nurture and Heal and Restore and Bless and Refresh and totally Make Whole and Safe and Sound and Glad every precious heart, soul and life that has been poured out in such vulnerable honesty here, along with all the precious lives in their/our lives. Please Save us and make us strong in the Power of Your LOVE and Truth In Jesus’s Most Beautiful Name, Amen.

  55. Thank you. I have been struggling a lot with the fact that I do not deserve God’s grace. And its true, I do not, nobody does. I needed to realize that despite me not deserving forgiveness, Jesus died for my and your sins to be forgiven for eternity, and God promises this. when I am debating the fact if i am forgiven by god, I am not putting my faith in Gods abilities and love for me. I know that I am and will always be forgiven, but God is just so good that sometimes it seems like there is a catch when there isn’t. God will NEVER stop forgiving me, so I need to forgive myself too. God is good.

  56. I was Baptized 6 years ago, in 2018, I started battling a Sexual Sin Addiction, I would get angry, etc. Now, every time I have tried to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness, I feel lost.

  57. I feel like I was just starting to truly find myself and my identity. I was at a point where I was unlearning a lot of trauma I’d been through, my self-esteem was getting higher and I was trying to fight through a lot of pain and heal. Then boom, I ended up going back on my celibacy, I’ve turned from praying every morning and night and worshipping to now existing in a state of being nonchalant. I don’t know, I really need divine intervention I feel like because I keep beating myself up, I’m in a relationship where I feel like I’m just there for sex/as a body. I’m confused about my direction and I sometimes feel like I can’t hear God anymore.

    I’m trying to not take it too hard on myself too because my family is also going through a lot of trauma but I don’t know what to do. If anyone happens to come across this… just a quick prayer or send positive and healing energy because Lord knows I need it.

  58. Well, I’ve been battling with a lot of anxiety about my sin, God delivered me from prostitution but not because I want to but because I been trying to find a way to survive and feed my family. But now that I’m back on my feet I still feel bad about it. I’ve been repenting from it but this last time I’ve done it and repented I feel so guilty about it that I can’t sleep at night because I’m scared that God doesn’t want me anymore… has God given up on me?

  59. I have been battling stress, depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and remorse over the last few months. I have never contemplated suicide in my life before but now I wanted to just end it all. The devil really tries to get into our heads and make us feel low and dirty and unworthy of forgiveness. I grew up in the church. But I had committed fornication years ago and lost my virginity to this guy and I did not even realize the guilt and shame about it until I confessed it to my mom. I thought I was in love and had kept this a secret. After getting sick from stress related issues, I realized that this sin was eating away at me and I just could not live in betrayal to my mom anymore. We have a close relationship now. This guilt and shame comes to me at night and have been unable to sleep well for the last couple of nights. The past keeps haunting me.. it is so unbearable at times. I have repented over and over to God but sometimes I just feel like I am not worthy anymore. I know time heals but this is taking so long. I really need to move on and have peace in my life once more. Please pray for me.

    1. Post
  60. I am depressed. My heart seems grown cold it’s just it’s hurt and I can’t bear that feeling so I distract my self and run away from God. It’s hurt so much that I just don’t want to live anymore,I want to die but I am afraid to die. I am confused ,everything is overwhelming it makes me stagnant. I am afraid to communicate with others , I am scared that I might have a mental breakdown in front of them. It’s terrifying I might snap and others might know how wicked my heart is. I can’t stop doing the same sin over and over again it’s suffocating

  61. I am so sorry to hear that others are struggling with the very things that I struggle with. I lost custody of my oldest daughter 32 years ago because my ex in-laws had money and a judge that could be bought. I stood in faith for a couple of years then went into the world to get money anyway I could. I made my daughter an idol.
    All these years later, after having A 25 year second marriage, a son, and a second daughter, I am in the deepest darkest place of my life.
    I lost my precious 28-year-old son to a drug overdose March 17, 2021, and my husband to Vietnam related illnesses on May 9, 2021, and my only brother January 24, 2022. All this exactly 3 years after losing my Daddy.
    My heart is crushed and shattered! I go to church but I feel like an outsider during praise and worship. I moved halfway across the country in December to be near my oldest daughter and grandchildren. My thinking is still not very clear and I still cry a lot. I know I’ve always dealt with depression and anxiety. It’s magnified now. I have felt that it was too late for me for a long time after reading Hebrews 6:4-6, and hebrews 10:(26?).
    I don’t want it to be too late! I don’t want it to be too late for any of us! Lord, please have mercy on us all!

  62. I’ve cried after reading this. I’ve always had the desire to please God always, but many times I fail. I felt that am beyond repair. I felt God had already given up on me. Thanks for the wonderful post.

  63. Hi Sharon,

    I recently began a walk with CHrist. I learned not only do you have to confess your sins to Him, but those you sinned against. That stuck an incredible fear in my heart of a sin I planned on taking to my grave.

    The person I sinned against did not know, and there was no fallout from —- but upon religious council, given this sin was committed against my husband, the general consensus was honesty is the best policy and there should be no secrets between husbands and wives.

    On the day i learned from my pastor it was ultimately up to me where, when if to disclose —- my husband who saw the torment and toll it had taken on my health for weeks said enough! What is it that you cannot tell me I cant take it anymore.

    I told him i committed a very bad sin against him 25 years ago. That it was not good and best not discussed. He told me that he loved, forgave me and didn’t want the details of the drama in our lives that I had been a wonderful wife & mother for 25 years.

    I was still struggling so convicted by anxiety and guilt, I shared with him i did not sleep with another man and or have a sexual act with another man but did have inappropriate contact several times.

    Well the good news is he loves me, wants the GREAT married life that we had back and wants me to put this behind me. He loves me very much and just wants me to be happy and more importantly, well. He gave me a beautiful Mother’s Day Card today and I broke down in tears.

    I am suffering a LOT of anxiety since disclosing this sin to him. I felt like i got bad church council as it would have been better remaining buried.

    The two things i cant get past is that I actually did this to my husband and now, although he tells me he honestly does not care or think about and I believe him —- he knows what I did. He has not treated me any differently and in fact has been more loving seeing the anxiety I’m in.

    I know i am forgiven by God and my husband yet I have a WORLD of anxiety where none ever existed.

    I heard this could be the devil twisting my inside in knots over my having disclosed to my husband and think the devil used the confessing to stir up the anxiety.

    How can I get past this. I was only trying to do right by God by confessing to my husband. Is there hope. Can anything good come out from having this secret disclosed between us.

    I am so sick and have MUCH anxiety over this. My heart races. I was already in months long ill health. The anxiety felt definitely making much worse. I scared. Please please write me back.

    Thank you,


  64. So my problem is bad so lately I’ve been bad no about on and off all my life long story and wish someone could help me just don’t feel like typing all my problems but I don’t know what to do anymore

  65. Hi Sharon Jaynes i need to speak to you i sinned for many years until my conscious became seered. I feel God has left me to die because of my past backsliding. I deal with a lot of guilt and shame grief and regret i feel trapped and hopeless and helpless
    Why dont God help me i feel torched.i beg God to help me going on five years now if He dont help i could commit suicide.please help me…

  66. Hi Sharon,

    I have committed fornication with a friend. It wasn’t accidental. I saw it coming.
    I prayed for forgiveness from God .
    But I feel some tightness of guilt in my heart.
    Idk what to do.
    I keep asking God to forgive me.
    I yearn to feel His presence again.
    But I feel God is going to punish me and make me face the consequences of my actions.
    I feel the promises and prophecies concerning my life have been nullified because of this

    1. Post
  67. Hi! I have confessed my sins over and over and everything I see, read, listen to condemns me. I need hope that i am saved. I know Jesus is enough!

  68. These very reasons are why I wrote “Meetibg God the Hard Way – when the end of the road is just the beginning.” I hope it helps you in your fears and doubts.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *