Retraining Verbal Reflexes

Sharon JaynesIdentity in Christ, Living Fully, Power of Words, When You Don't Like Your Story 16 Comments

Have you ever let words fly out of your mouth and then thought…I can’t believe I just said that!!! I call those verbal reflexes. Here’s why

One day I was driving home from the beach in July Fourth holiday traffic. It was Southern muggy hot, and cars were a throng of metal on wheels. Everyone was going faster than the posted speed limit and I was trying to keep up. I was also young and distracted. Ok, here’s the truth: I had just broken up with my boyfriend and was crying my eyes out.

At one point, I felt my front right tire slip off the asphalt and onto the gravel shoulder of the road. In a flood of panic, I heard the voice of my driver’s ed teacher from four years earlier, “If you run off the road, do not, and I repeat, do not jerk your car back on the road. Slow down to a stop and then gently guide the car back onto the road.”

My mind knew the rule. I was even repeating, “Do not jerk the car, do not jerk the car.” Then I promptly jerked the car. I pulled the steering wheel to the left, jerked the car onto the road, and lost control. As if in slow motion, the car began a descent down an embankment. The weight of the car became unbalanced and began to roll down the embankment. When the car landed upside down at the bottom of the ravine, I was sitting on the ceiling of the passenger side. Amazingly, I crawled out of the car unharmed.

That’s how powerful reflexes are. We can know what to do, but then suddenly do the opposite. When it comes to taming the tongue or changing bad habitual behavior, we may have some very powerful reflexes to overcome.

The Bible tells us that when we come to Christ, we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). However, no one pushes the delete button to erase the old habit patterns that have been formed over time. The Bible calls them old flesh patterns. They are like ruts in the brain that have been formed by years and years of thinking the same thoughts and repeating the same actions.

The only way to replace old thought patterns in the mind is to form new thought patterns with the truth. That comes with practice, training, and reprogramming our minds with the truth.

The Bible tells us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2). In the process, we will still make mistakes…old reflexes.

Shortly after Jesus’ first miracle at the wedding of Cana, He traveled to Capernaum with His mother, brothers, and disciples. It was almost time for the Jewish Passover celebration, so Jesus went up to Jerusalem to worship. As He approached the temple, Jesus heard the bleating of sheep, smelled the stench of the cattle, and saw the haggling and exchanging of coins. The temple had become a free-for-all rather than a house of prayer.

“So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, ‘Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!’” (John 2:15-16).

Yes, Jesus cleaned out the temple that day, but it wasn’t long before the moneychangers began to creep back in with their wares. Three years later, during his last week of life on earth, Jesus came upon the unholy mess again. (See Matthew 21:12-13)

How did the messy mayhem of the temple happen the second time? I don’t think it happened all at once. After Jesus cleared the temple initially, I suspect it stayed that way for a time. But one day, a moneychanger set up his table. Then another brought in a few birds, followed by a couple of sheep, and then here came a cow.

The next thing you know, the temple wasn’t any different than it was before Jesus cleared it out and cleaned it up three years earlier. In three years, it had reverted back to an unholy mess.

And God whispers in my ear: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” (1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV).

Sometimes I am that messy temple. I bet you are too.

Swept-clean sinful behavior, ungodly thoughts, jump-off-the-cliff emotions, and caustic words are itching to creep back in at all times. It is up to me (and to you) to keep the temple clean.

Perhaps you’ve had a Holy Spirit moment at some point in your life—a moment that caused you to make a major change in the words you speak. But for the moment to maintain momentum, we need to be constantly aware of our tendency to revert…to go back to the way we were. And remember, you are never on your own. God has given you the power of the Holy Spirit to help you every step of the way.

Jesus, thank You for making me a new creation. Now, help my mind catch up to my new identity. Purify my lips. Keep watch over the door of my mouth. Show me when old habits start to creep back in and give me the wisdom to sweep them out. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What is one old habit, perhaps one you thought you’d left behind, that has crept back into your life? What is one reflex response you tend to exhibit that you know you need to change? 

My best-selling book and Bible study guide, The Power of a Woman’s Words: How the Words You Speak Shape the Lives of Others has been a favorite for women’s Bible studies around the world. Get your copy today and begin to use your words to speak life to those around you! Tame that tongue! I know you can

When You Don't Like Your Story



Looking for a life-changing Bible study? Click here to learn about my FREE online Bible study on When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories starting February 21. Email lessons and Video sessions included!






©2023 by Sharon Jaynes.  All rights reserved.

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Comments 16

  1. I need help. I’m 72, and there are deep ruts formed. I desperately want to change….
    My marriage of 54 years is sad. We seem to attack each other when we speak. We’ve both found Jesus and had counselling. But the old patterns are embedded.

    1. Janette I’m 75, married 53 years. We found ourselves exactly where y’all are. I said we must talk which he usually doesn’t listen but I had been praying. I said no more firing. Life is too short especially now. We have Both got to work at being kind and loving. I would rather live alone than constant stress. WE BOTH CHANGED THAT DAY! Life is good again🙏

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  2. I was raised by a very negative mother who spoke harsh words about all situations…..she always looked for the worst in people and situations. I vowed I would never do that and over the years I have tried to stick to that promise. My oldest sister is exactly like my mom, sharp tongue and just miserable. I respectfully avoid her as much as possible. Because of this she has turned most of our family against me and my family. It hurts, but at the end of the day I know I am better off!

  3. Oh my goodness I am just like my mom but so much worse my tongue never stops I need lots of help thanks someone who needs lots of prayers.

  4. My word of the year is self-control. The tongue is a two edged sword and man do I have trouble controlling mine and taking things personally forgetting whose I am and that I am a new creature in Christ Jesus. Praying for you ladies and your needs and for the Holy Spirit to help me to control my tongue.

    Love to all!

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  5. My rut is anger and an explosive temper that gets triggered when I feel unheard or rejected (especially by my husband). It’s taken therapy to understand where the fear of rejection came from and how the pattern developed. My lack of self control was the one area I could never seem to beat until I really began to replace the lies of rejection with God’s truth. When I feel the lies of Satan beginning to tell me I am unlovable I shush him with God’s word and His truths. Do I do it perfectly, no, but it took 50 years for the old thought pattern to develop so I know that God is working in me and little by little, I am seeing results. I now know (really, really know) that I am not rejected, I am loved by a God who loves me more than anyone else ever could.

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  6. My rut is anger. I try not to get angry. People mistreat me and I would stay calm until someone I love and close to like my boyfriend or family would do or say something that I take it out on them. I always regret and hurt deeply afterwards.

  7. The ruts are directly connected to my mouth! I tell someone off regularly. (Usually, however in defense mode.) I just had tears rolling down my face reading this, Sharon. You always find a way to teach the hard truths. “My name is Linda and I need a roll of duct tape!”

  8. I thank God for every woman who has shared her heart with sincerity and transparency. I’m blessed by each one who has repented and pray they will ask the Holy Spirit for help to bring about the desired transformation.

  9. My rut is worry. I know its a sin. I try and fix whatever I see coming that might hurt me or those I love. I have trouble letting go and trusting God has them and me.
    This year I need to trust that God cares for me just like the birds in the field. That I’m not to worry about what to wear or eat as he provides and protects.
    I’ve taken steps not to watch mainstream news or TV as it produces fear. This is a new year resolution and so far I feel the compulsion to absorb the evil news everywhere but I am consciously focusing on the good , the beautiful and the truth. I’m am trying to behold Jesus not just look at Him and then glance back at the world.. it will take time..
    Thank you Sharon , you refresh the spirit.

  10. My rut is self doubt, which leads to fear and anxiety. I had been doing okay but after a long illness and now dealing with new pain I’m struggling to see the future sometimes.

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