R-E-S-P-E-C-T The One Thing He Can’t Do Without

Sharon JaynesMarriage 82 Comments

(My blog posts will focus on marriage for the month of February. If you’re not married, I encourage you to read them anyway! And while you’re reading, pray for your friends that are married.  Believe me, they will appreciate it. Also, give a special blessing by passing these devotions along to them! Here we go…)

 “Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly,”  (Ephesians 5:33 AMP).


“I’ve been shut up, shut down, shot down, ridiculed, disregarded, over looked, over booked, and overwhelmed…I know I was made for a reason. I know that, in God’s eyes, I count.  So, I simply want to find someone who believes in me.”

No, these are not the lyrics from the latest country song. They are the lament from one of my survey respondents when I asked hundreds of men what they really wanted in the woman of their dreams. It seems Aretha Franklin isn’t the only one who wants a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t these days. One area that rated very high in my survey of men describing the wife of their dreams was RESPECT. [tweetherder][/tweetherder]Webster defines respect as the special esteem or consideration in which one holds another person or thing, the state or quality of being esteemed, to feel or show consideration to. It’s the one thing a happy husband can’t do without.

God’s Command

In the Bible, Paul wrote to both men and women about their various roles in marriage. In the book of Ephesians he wrote, “Each one of you (men) also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Now that doesn’t mean that husbands don’t have to respect their wives or wives don’t have to love their husbands. I believe Paul was summing up what was paramount for both men and women. We want to be loved and cherished just like our husbands want to be honored and respected.

Another reason I believe that Paul admonishes wives to respect their husbands is because he knew that after years of mistakes, poor choices, wrong decisions,  and smelly socks, respect may not come naturally for a wife. It may well take an act of obedience empowered by the Holy Spirit within.

But how do you respect someone who vegetates watching TV all the time? How do you respect someone who sits around waiting for the right job to come along when you’re working yourself to death trying to keep food on the table? (You may need to stop and quietly put that responsibility back where it belongs.) How do your respect someone who apparently has no respect for himself? It may seem impossible, but as the angel asked Abraham, “Is anything too hard for the LORD?” (Genesis 18:14). The same God who parted the sea for the Israelites to walk across on dry land, who caused the walls of Jericho to fall with a shout, who kept Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from even having a hint of smoke as they exited the fiery furnace, who caused flesh to reappear on the fingerless hands of lepers, who made a man blind from birth see, and who raised Lazarus from the dead – that same God can give you the power to respect your husband. It all begins with prayer and follows with obedience close behind. “There is incomparable great power available to those who believe,” (Ephesians 1:19).

In the Bible power always follows obedience. As soon as the high priests crossing the Jordan placed their feet in the water, the river parted (Joshua 3:15). As soon as the rotting lepers turned toward Jerusalem to tell the priests they were healed, their skin began to heal (Luke 17:14). As soon as Namaan dipped into the river seven times as the prophet Elijah had commanded, his leprosy began to disappear (2 Kings 5:14). The miracle didn’t come before they obeyed, but after they obeyed. Do you want to see a miracle unfold before your eyes like a multi-petaled rose unfolding? Obey God. An amazing thing happens when we begin to show respect to our husbands. They begin to act respectable.

Let’s go back to Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. I love how the amplified version expounds on Ephesians 5:33. “Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.” What a power packed verse!

Respect is one of the most beautiful gifts a wife can give her man.

Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for my husband. Help me to be the wife that he needs in all areas of my life. Help me to respect, revere, regard, honor, prefer and esteem him greatly. Not only that, but help me to show it in my words and actions so that there is no doubt in his mind just how much I love him. In Jesus’ Name ,Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

During the reign of King David, he brought the once captured Ark of the Covenant back to Israel. It was one of the grandest moments in his life. Read the account recorded in 2 Samuel 6 and answer the following questions:

How did David’s wife, Michal, react to David’s outward praise of God? (6:16,20).

What was David’s response to her? (6:21)

What was the outcome of her disrespect? (6:23)

What can we learn from her lack of respect?

Let’s make a list of ways to show respect. I’ll compile your answers and send them out in an email. Log onto my blog post at www.localhost/sjold and tell me one way a woman can show respect to her man. Come on now… you can do this…give me just one.

Want More?

14-Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge: How would you like to join your girlfriends in a 14-day Romancing Your Husband Challenge? Click over to www.localhost/sjold, click on the challenge sign-up button in the right column of the home page, and your 14-day challenge emails will begin. Come on girlfriend, February is the love month – it’s time to spice up your marriage.

February is  a wonderful time to contemplate our marriages. Do you want to become the woman of your husband’s dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you’ll want to read Becoming the Woman of His Dreams for an insightful look at the wonderful, unique, and God-ordained role only you have in your husband’s life.

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Comments 82

  1. My husband likes to cook a meal for company. But he does things very differently than I would. I’ve learned to stay out of the kitchen & let him do it his way or I ask how I can help him rather than telling him how.

  2. My husband is the pastor of 3 churches and I show respect to him each day by doing everything I need to at home, with our children, and “behind the scenes” in support of the ministry to which he’s been called. I get the tremendous blessing of watching what God does through him each day in our lives and the lives of all those within our care.

  3. I can show respect to my husband by smilingly I’d when he gets home from work and welcoming him ,even if he is later than when I had hoped, even if the kids had driven me crazy. I will welcome him with gladness.

  4. Hello Sharon,

    One of the ways I can show respect to my husband is by allowing him to have valid opinions about things around the house rather than always insisting on things being done my way. Yes, yes, I am guilty of being a pushy wife always thinking I know better. I’m working on it, and hope it will get easier.


  5. We both have jobs and are really self sufficient. We split bills, housework, etc…so I REALLY like to see his face when we’re out to dinner and I pick up the check first.

  6. One of the ways I can show respect to my husband is by listening to him when he wants to hear my opinion about something he is working on. I am bad about sitting at my computer and still looking at what someone posted on Facebook instead of giving him my undivided attention while all he wants is to be able to talk and know that I care. Thank you so much for today’s devotion and the 14 day challenge.

  7. As a fiercely independent woman, remembering to pay my husband respect can be a challenge. But I do this by recognizing all the unique, thoughtful things he does for me and our family daily to show his love.

  8. I can show respect to my husband not telling him how much he needs to learn about somethings, but instead, helping him with joy on things he needs and appreciating the things he does best!

  9. I believe the number one way I can show respect is to listen to him. When he comes home from work he wants to share his day…the good and sometimes the bad. It’s up to me to listen and keep my mouth shut even if I’ve had a not-so-great-day. He will appreciate my heart-felt attention to him. And he will know that his number one team player is there for him to encourage and support him. He will run home to get that much needed boost! And the added bonus for me is that he will in turn honor me with the love and attention I need. It’s a win/win opportunity for our marriage!

  10. When our family has gathered for a sit down dinner, or even when it is just the two of us, I always serve him first, or if we are passing the food, I give it to him first to pass. This was one way I showed respect and honor to him and modeled it in front of our children when they were growing up.

  11. I can respect my late husband by trying to forgive him, by not diminishing the memories others have of him by telling them of the man he was in private.

  12. I can show him respect by not being critical of his goals or of how he prefers things done. By submitting to his leadership and trusting him to make a wise decision when that decsision affects me in great or small ways as we travel through life. In doing so, I trust the Lord, who loves me, to work through my husband who has the ultimate decision to make, even if I think my plan is better.

  13. I can show respect by making our home a clean, organized environment for my husband to walk into every evening from working all day in chaos.

  14. I am not married, but one way that I think shows respect is by being grateful for the practical presents that your husband gets you. You know what I am talking about that Vacuum cleaner you got for Christmas… Our men like to solve our problems! So while that gift may not be what we wanted it is usually what we NEEDED! We should be thankful for that and let let him know it!

  15. I show respect to my husband by taking an interest in and learning about the sports that he likes. This way, we can watch and discuss them together, instead of me despising that the “games” are even on. 🙂

  16. I can show respect to my husband by asking his opinion on household updates, or by asking him to do something HIS way and not interjecting how I would do it. (He usually defers to let me make those decisions as he doesn’t think he can do things around the house). I can also show him respect by not nagging him about the things he does that I don’t necessarily approve of.

  17. While I’m not perfect and I’ve blown it in the area of respect so many times, one way I show respect is when possible, I greet him with a smile and a kiss at the door when he comes home from work. I also thank him for working hard at his job to provide for our family.

  18. One way to show respect is to know when to be quiet, to listen, to honor him as the priest of your home and family. Respect him in the company of others; don’t wear your feelings on your sleeve. Respect him by being exemplary, for we are a crown unto our husbands. So many ways. Respect is a very important aspect of the marriage-covenant relationship.

  19. I can show respect to my husband by not always questioning what he says — even the times when I know I am right. Learning that I don’t always have to be right is hard, but arguing is harder. After all, a lot of the time we argue about things that don’t even matter.

  20. I can show my husband respect by forgiving him quickly and showing it. Working on this and getting better with our Lord’s help. =)

  21. This is silly, but a concrete example of how I showed respect this week when shopping for groceries. My husband has said that each time I buy eggs I should purchase either white or brown, alternating the color of the existing eggs in our refrigerator. He wants the eggs we’re using to be the fresher eggs, and identifying them by color allows us to do that. This makes total sense, but I just like white eggs (for no valid reason) and I have always bought white eggs. In doing so I disregarded my husband’s wishes. This week I bought brown eggs, and it was amazed at how happy it made him. That made me happy, too.

  22. I respect my husband by not making negative comments or putting him down in conversation with others. Our culture makes husbands/fathers the brunt of jokes and it leads to general disrespect for men.

  23. Hello Am Mrs Hall The Way That I can Respect My Husband Is To stop Complaing And Grumbling and Always Wanting to Know The Details When He Says hes got it.I love and know hes showed me just what I God Fearing man he is .Hes looking out for our best.

  24. One way that I show respect to my husband is not to say bad things about him to other women, or talk about his bad habits. when other women are talking about things their husbands do that irritate them, I only brag on my husband and say good things. then when he is around these people, all he hears is how wonderful he is.

  25. I show respect to my husband by really concentrating on what he says when he speaks. So many times, we talk when I’m getting supper ready, or when I’m getting ready for work. My mind is on a million things. I have to stop myself, and really listen to him, and I try to show him I’m listening by asking questions about what he’s said, or make comments. I also always kiss him goodbye in the morning at the door, because he almost always leaves before I do.

  26. I can show respect to my husband by paying attention to his needs and deliberately speaking his love language instead of being lazy about it and just doing what I am comfortable with, that does not necessarily speak love to him. 🙂

    Thank you so much for this devotional – it has opened my eyes and is an answer to a prayer I have… and it applies, not just to my marriage, but my prayers for my parents’ marriage as well.

  27. My wonderful husband is a vegetarian, and has been since I met him. There are always people that are insensitive to this and like to ridicule him for it. I respected his choice from the start, and will cook vegetarian meals for him and never try to coax him to eat meat. He doesn’t have a problem with me eating meat (and I still do), but I will usually make meals that we can share together instead of seperate ones.

    My husband has a naturally small build also, and has been teased for it. I always tell him how handsome and desirable he is and how much I love him. PS, if I’m ever around when people make unkind comments, I’ll come to his defence. Often though, its when I’m not around 🙁 This makes me sad. I always try to speak highly of him around others too 🙂

  28. Over the past forty-seven years my husband and I have been married I have told him repeatedly he is my knight in shining armor and the best man I know except for Jesus and told others in and out of his presence the same thing. We aren’t without sin so we have had times of hurt feelings and disagreements, but even in those times when I didn’t want to give him that honor with my brain in my heart I knew it was true and so did he. I think the worse thing a wife can do is belittle her husband to others.

  29. I will respect my husband by praying God’s blessing over him this week. I will keep my opinions to myself and lift him up in front of our children instead of blasting him with my selfishness.

  30. One thing my husbands loves to hear is, “I love you” with a kiss, in the morning when he gets up (sometimes 2 hrs after I do) and just before we go to bed at night. Sometimes when he has irritated me all day long, one way or the other, it’s hard to say those 3 little words but we do both say it and give a kiss to each other . I know that I also irritate him sometimes too. So, it’s important to let your life long partner know that after 45 years, that you still love him. Did I mention that he’s 80 and I’m 66. Even at our rather advanced ages, we still never go to bed feeling unloved. .

  31. Hi. I believe one way I can show respect toward my “future husband) is by not comparing him to no other man, and also I don’t think a woman should talk negative about her husband to other people whether he’s around or not. I think I could show how much I respect him by not allowing anyone to degrade him in my presence oh his.

  32. My husband feels respected when I thank him for providing well for our family. I know that this is very important to him as a man. When I show interest in his work, thank him for working so hard to support us, etc, I believe that he feels honored and respected. It has taken me some time to learn this, and I’m still working on it. But, I’m trying, and there has definitely been a “deepening” in our relationship. Thank you, Sharon, for your encouragement, and God Bless!

  33. I show respect for my husband of 26 years by not saying mean things. Its that simple, if it’s not nice then I don’t say it.

  34. Calvary greetings Sharon
    I am Mrs Adefarati.
    These are my own ways of making him happy; all missing suggesstions are welcome:
    There are many ways to show respect to our lords as Mama Sarah used to address father Abraham
    1. Love them dearly, keep no record of mistakes.
    2. Communicate at all times, get involve in what your husband is doing, show interest even if looks stupid.
    3. Encourage your husband positively.
    4. Run the same vision: Have same goal
    5. Bury pride, if you are getting more salary.
    6. Thank your husband after each love making, show appreciation for the time spent with you alone in bed
    7. Give him a lovely name, so when you call him he will know it can only be my (WIFE).
    8. Cook him delicious meal
    9. Go for walk in the park or down the street holding hands; this gives him more assurance that there is someone to rely on apart from God and pastor.
    10. Send him text messages or call him up to say I LOVE YOU once a week at different time of the week. So when you don’t call he will miss that part.
    11. Remain blessed and enjoy your marriage.

    Thanks Sharon its been a great pleasure reading word of advice from Girlfriends.

  35. I show respect to my husband by consulting him for any thing i want to do.Everything i do on the street or in the house when he is not around i will tell him.

  36. I can show respect for my husband who is strongly voicing his disapproval with my decision to follow the Lord by loving him and praying fervently for him. By encouraging him, really listening to him and remembering in all the craziness of kids, work etc to stop hug him and tell him I love him.

  37. One way to show respect is to ask before making a big purchase get his
    opinion on it before just showing up @ home with it. He will apperacite it
    more that you asked him instead of just doing it.

  38. I can show respect to my husband by listening to him. Not being hasty in a response or action. I can show him consideration, the same I would anyone else.

  39. I can show my future husband respect by stopping my codependency and letting him give freely to me in the manner he chooses not what I demand.

  40. I show respect by supporting my husband when he teaches at church . Also I show respect by acknowledging his God-given authority over me..doesn’t mean being a “doormat”.

  41. Showing respect is done through acts of kindness, keeping the home a safe haven for those you love, if you don’t anything nice to say then go to the Lord and ask him to change your thoughts and give you something nice to say.

  42. I am working on showing my husband respect. I waited until I was 46 to get married, and it has been quite challenging to let another person take the lead of your life. I show my husband respect by not giving my opinion about how tasks around the house should be done. I only give an opinion when it is requested. I’m improving in this area of our marriage!

  43. You brought up an interesting topic. “How do you respect someone who sits around waiting for the right job to come along when you’re working yourself to death trying to keep food on the table?” What did you mean by “You may need to stop and quietly put that responsibility back where it belongs?”

  44. For me taming my tongue especially for some of us who have a bad temper.saying the right thing at the right time helps.allow God to control yoyr tongue#speaking words full of respect!

  45. I can show respect by seeing the positive in him instead of the negative. Honoring him above others. By being here for him when he needs me. He is disabled, yet he always makes sure that my clothes are clean. When I get home from work he always fixes me whatever I want no matter what. Thank you Jesus

  46. One way I show my husband respect is by “building him up” to our girls. I remind our girls how much their daddy loves them and how he works hard for them. When I see situations where girls their ages don’t have a daddy or is not in a close relationship with their daddy, I quietly remind my girls how blessed they are to have a daddy that thinks they are precious and valuable and who treats them that way. By doing this my girls respect him more (and their selves). I also make it a point to tell him often how great of a husband and daddy he is and that I appreciate him. It’s amazing what a little honest complement can do to a man!

  47. I can show my husband respect by having a willing and loving attitude. Being honest when I need a break, not expecting him to read my mind, but voicing my needs in a loving and direct manner. Also by not demanding my own way..but learning to communicate my needs in a manner that is not manipulative but loving and open … I am sure there are a ton of other ways, but these seem to be the ones I work on the most…

  48. I show my husband respect by allowing him to be the head and Priest of our home. Anything with two heads is a monster! He is an Awesome man of God!

  49. I will show respect for my husband by following his decisions even though I may not agree with them. And if I have a problem with it ask God to guide me in accepting them or showing me how to kindly and respectfully tell him why I object and am having trouble with it.

  50. My husband tells me that I show him respect in many ways. He has autism and ADD and we have been married more than 40 years. One of the most important ways to show him respect is when we on daily basis share the word and truth of God.

  51. A very important way to show respect to my husband is to not publicly undermine his authority when dealing with our children. If I have a question regarding what he said I need to go to him privately. If the children see or hear me questioning him, this weakens his authority, his character and his validity.

  52. I can show respect to my husband by letting him be the God given leader he was designed to be. I struggle with being in control but by the grace of God I am learning to let go and let God. I have to relinquish control to my husband and then praise him for the outcome. I also need to put more trust in him and let him do some of the household things that I do that are just “easier for me to do them” than to teach him how to do it. God is working on me 🙂

  53. I’m not married yet…d big day is scheduled for nov 22 🙂
    Your mailer taught me of how important it is to RESPECT my fiancé…by that I mean listening to him when he speaks! I tend to cut him off sometimes in our conversations and I realized that that is disrespectful! Will try my best to listen to him patiently and not interrupt him.
    Thank you

  54. I show respect to my husband by following the 4 minute rule. For the first 4 minutes when we first awake in the morning, I say nothing but positives and display a pleasant attitude. That sets the mood for the beginning of our day.
    When he returns home in the evening, I practice the same 4 minute rule. I do not unload my day on him good or bad. I follow his lead. I have dinner ready, let him rest and watch the news, when we eat together I keep the conversation pleasant. By not ending our day with complaining or negatives, that sets the mood for the evening. He does not even know I am consciously watching what I do or say for the first 4 minutes of the morning and evening. With God’s help, I have the strength to make this practice work.

  55. Tati there is nothing too hard for the Lord. Prayer can move mountains. If a husband does not respect his wife she must to pray for him. She must bear in mind that is is God who gave us wives this command. “Wives respect and honor your husbands” . Obedience to God is better than vengeance. The wifez should keep praying and do her part. God is still the God of miracles


  56. I can show him respect by being available in the evenings to actually listen and using my time during the days to do things for myself.

  57. I can show respect to my husband by not trying to convince him that my ideas are better than his and by building him up with praise especially in front of our children and friends.

  58. I love seeing God in the heart of a man. I love my husband with everything in me. But like Jona’s story, I now recognize how my negativity drove him away. My husband was not a man of God yet I loved him and tried to support him. Life’s circumstances tore us apart because I didn’t know how to allow God’s grace and mercy to heal us and my husband had his own ideas of what marriage should be. My husband left home and does not want to come back. For two years of being separated, I have sought God to reconcil us although my husband still does not want to receive Jesus nor does he desire to be a husband to me. I wanted the opportunity to allow God to come in and change my marriage by changing me….and believing for salvation for my husband. Divorce is something I hate especially after going through it once before. My question is how long do we wait and pray when you’re unequaly yoked?

  59. I think all of these ideas are fantastic! I used to honor, respect, and enjoy very much doting on and lifting up my husband. However, I am in the middle of a seperation, and impending divorce because my husband did not return the honor or respect. He frequently stepped outside of our marriage with other women, real and internet. For years I prayed, tried, prayed harder, tried harder, went to counselling to no avail. I finally had enough so I asked him to move out, and for a divorce.
    I would like to see more support for women who have been through similar things and have taken every step to keep their marriage, but have not succeeded. It feels sometimes like people are quick to tell you how much God hates divorce and judge. Believe me, I hate my divorce and wish it wasn’t necessary, but I also believe God doesn’t want us to continue to be broken and abused. Please try and write some uplifting pieces for those of us who have honored and respected our husbands to death, and have been thrown in the dirt anyway. Thanks!

  60. I will not be that dripping facuet. I am not sure what the outcome will be or if I will get the results i so want. My husband and I have been seprated on and off over the past 2 1/2 years the stories and desires of the women in your story is almost a mirror image of what I am dealing with. I really want to fix and have the marriage I know we can have. We were attending church together then he turned to another woman began an affair with her this was not the first time caught him on a dating site a year ago, crushed me I moved to a new state still not giving up we have been attending classes at church focused on marriage building a heathly Christ like marriage. I have so much bitternes for him all the lies he has told the nasty words from both and a HUGE lack of respect. But God keeps speaking to me that I cannot give up yet. We have no children together we both have children but mine do not like him and I do not see his due to his past the mothers refuse to allow him to have a relationship with the kids. He has been physically abusive and has a major agnger issue, refuses to seek counsoling alone or as a couple. How do I even get a stepping off point when he will not give more thn 1 1/2 a week of his time just for this class. He ignore me and my calls and continues to lie thinking I am stupid. Can this marriage be saved?

    Note: Impossible miracles have happened to me during my marriage. I did not want to lose my Christian husband as I forced myself to divorce with my first worldly marriage. I HAD to be different; the different woman in Christ. So, in the most absurd situations – even causing others to laugh and ridicule me – I decided to make my dream-husband come true by what I said, how I prepared myself, and what I wished, especially in the intimacy of my prayers as well as among others. I FELL INLOVE WITH CHRIST, AND SOON AFTER, TO EVERYONE’S SURPRISE, MY HUSBAND TURNED-INTO EVERYTHING I SAID! Prince-charming arose… And still arises every day. GLORY BE TO GOD! – KEEP YOUR FAITH MOVING!!!

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