Why We Keep Tripping Over Forgiveness

Sharon JaynesDealing with Your Past, Forgiveness, Living Free, When You Don't Like Your Story 98 Comments

Have you ever had a hard time forgiving someone? If so, keep reading…

It was a Saturday afternoon college football game, and I was doing what I like best—not watching the game but observing people.

My flip-down seat was the last in a long row of Carolina blue. A steady stream of fans traipsed up and down the concrete steps carrying soft drinks, hot dogs, and popcorn. After a while, I noticed that four out of five people climbing the stands stumbled on the step to my left. No one got hurt. Just a few messy spills and embarrassed faces.

But why that step? That’s what baffled me.

At halftime, I pulled out my trusty flowered tape measure (yes, I carry one in my purse at all times). I discovered that the “tripping step” was about a quarter inch higher than all the others. Just a tiny bit taller.

So, they tripped.

Forgiveness is a lot like that “tripping step.” It’s just a little bit higher than many of the other steps we practice as Christians. Unfortunately, it’s the one step many of us seem to stumble over the most.

How do we stop the tripping? We simply lift our determined feet a little higher and keep moving forward.

The high step of forgiveness stands at the very core of the Christian faith and is a foundational theme in Jesus’ teaching.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25).

“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them” (Luke 17:3–4).

Throughout Old Testament times, God’s people offered sacrifices for the forgiveness of sin. But those sacrifices were never enough. Every new sin required another sacrifice.

Then Jesus came.

He became the final sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins. His sacrifice was enough for all people, for all time.

I love how author and pastor Brian Zahnd describes Jesus’ forgiveness as “grace that takes the blame, covers the shame, removes the stain, and breaks the endless cycle of revenge.”

But we are not merely recipients of forgiving grace through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. We are also called to become givers of that grace.

As C. S. Lewis wrote, “To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

My home growing up was filled with anger, heartache, and pain. As you can imagine, a great deal of forgiveness took place after I—and later my parents—came to Christ.

It didn’t happen all at once.

The decision to forgive happened in a moment, like a pebble sinking to the bottom of a glass of water.

The healing of emotions happened over time, like a pebble sinking through a glass of thick oil.

When something from the past triggers old wounds and the hurt rises again, we can stop and remind ourselves: I have already forgiven that person.

Then we can ask God to help us deal with the emotions that linger.

We can also remember Paul’s words:

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13 NIV).

As the Lord forgave you.

Let those words settle deep into your heart.

In teaching His followers to forgive, Jesus offered no exceptions. No loopholes. No escape clauses. He identified no offense too grievous, no betrayal too painful, no wrong too severe to place beyond the reach of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is costly.

But so is unforgiveness.

One keeps us chained to the past. The other sets us free to walk into the future.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the wrong; it ends the need for revenge. When we choose forgiveness, we live out a foundational truth of our faith. We lay down the burden of bitterness. We make room for grace to do what anger never can.

And in doing so, we make the world a little more beautiful.

One forgiven heart at a time.

I want to be part of that.

I think you do too.

Lord, help me forgive those who have wronged me. I place the anger, pain, and hurt into Your hands. I want to live free, not bound by bitterness. I forgive ____________ for ____________. When those old hurtful feelings arise, remind me that I have already cut the burden free with the saber of grace and placed it in Your hands. Help me walk in the freedom that forgiveness brings. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If you prayed that prayer today, leave a comment and say “I choose to forgive!”

Digging Deeper

Everybody loves a good story, but not everybody loves their own story. Usually, it’s not the entire story we don’t like. Just certain chapters. But did you know that your worst chapters could become your greatest victories—the pages God uses the most?  If this devotion on forgiveness stirred your heart, then you’re on your way to having a better story. Dig deeper with When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories. You can change the ending to your story and live free!

Click here for a free download: Six Steps for Forgiving Others.




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Comments 98

  4. I am married to a man who told me he did not marry me because he loved me but he did not want to be alone. He has betrayed my trust emotionally many times. It is very hard to keep forgiving every day.

    Reply

    1. I will pray for you but I wish I had words to change your circumstance. I feel like I have a sense of understanding how you feel and the unsettling emotions.

      Reply

  6. I choose to forgive in Jesus’s Name.
    Amen.
    Ephesians 4:32-Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

    Reply

  8. What do you do, when you have forgiven people, and they don’t accept or acknowledge your forgiveness? Some people, because of untruthful things that have been said by a family member are still cold and distant no matter what forgiveness has been given to them. The relationship hasn’t changed and is terribly strained.

    Reply

    1. I live in this same scenario. Forgiveness is for us. To make our hearts right with God. To release the control the hurt has on us. To be able to move on. Sometimes that forgiveness doesn’t come with reconciliation or relationship and that’s the hard part. But that’s when we take it to God. Pray for Him to change their hearts. Because nothing is impossible with God. We forgive, pray, and leave the rest in God’s capable hands. ❤️🙏🏻

      Reply

    1. I question if I have truly forgiven my husband for his many years of betrayal as a sex addict which I didn’t discover for many years. It has changed the way I feel about him. Even after remaining married 14 years since the discovery I can’t feel the love I once had. I’m just surviving.

      Reply

      1. I’m sorry you have had to go through that Marcia, I understand your pain even though I was the unfaithful one in my marriage of 30 years because of a sex addiction. Healing is possible, thriving instead of just surviving is possible. My husband and I did a Christian recovery program called Affair Recovery. I’d encourage you to check it out.
        (I hope it’s ok to share this program on here with someone hurting because of infidelity, I apologize if it’s inappropriate. Part of my recovery is to share with others that healing is possible)

        Reply

  10. Wow! What a great message! I love how you weave every-day minor situations into such a powerful message. God is using you in such amazing ways!

    Reply

  11. I, too, grew up in a home with heartache, pain, extreme fights, and rejection. My parents became Christians later in life. The pain from my childhood is still with me. We never talked about the bad. I choose to forgive.

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  15. I choose to forgive…and I did. I had a rough life growing up as we moved constantly always seeking that better job, more $$, etc. It was hard on all of us but especially my older brother. He had a tendency to take it out on me as his punching bag. He would steal items from me or hide items so I would get in trouble by my parents when I couldn’t find something. He had gotten involved in drugs and ran away from home several times and finally for good…or so I thought. He would come back home every now and then…but I was an adult and had moved away from home when I was 19. About 2 years ago, I was contacted by his caregivers at the VA about his medical condition. I went to visit him in NYC where he resides at a VA Nursing Home with my son and daughter-in-law. My brother and I still talk on the phone from time to time. I guess it sometimes takes years for forgiveness and a willingness to take those steps toward forgiveness. I have no regrets for picking up a relationship of sorts after all these years.

    Reply

  18. Thank you for this wonderful message. Another beautiful scripture reads to be kind and tender hearted, forgiving one another just as Christ has forgiven you. Eph.4:32.I also forgive.

    Reply

  19. I chose to forgive old past,ugly hurts that have affected my life and continue to affect me. I forgave on my knees after a loss by talk with the Lord. That was my encounter with true forgiveness. It has made all the difference even though the effects of that hurt still linger.

    Reply

  20. I fully believe in forgiving, but, when I forgave the one I loved, the pain unexpectedly returned because my love resumed but she didn’t return. It was tempting to believe that I would have been better off to just blame.
    But I don’t.

    Reply

  37. I choose to forgive. It will be a process, daily, even at times, moment by moment, yet, I choose to forgive. Help me, Lord Jesus, to forgive what I cannot forget.

    Reply

  38. I choose to forgive. It will be a process, daily, even at times, moment by moment, yet, I choose to forgive. Help me, Lord Jesus, to forgive what I cannot forget.

    Reply

  39. I Choose to Forgive!

    Dear Friends in Christ, don’t let past or current hurts and pain keep you from forgiving. I had a husband and the father of my 3 children ( we were married 12 yrs) who unfortunately had a serious drug addiction( he wasn’t like that when we first married) it progressively got worse over the yrs. I was in fear for my children and myself, so I left. He moved to NC after our divorce and remarried someone who also did drugs, and had a child with her( he divorced her after about 3 yrs). It wasn’t until he was older (late 40s) that supposedly he found Christ. One Sunday my Pastor preached on forgiveness and I asked the Lord who I needed to forgive and He told me my ex husband! But Lord he wasn’t a good husband, Lord he wasn’t a good father, Lord he didn’t send child support…etc…
    His father passed away and he had come home to see his family….I went to his family home and just bodly asked him to forgive me for all the hurt and pain I may have caused him during our marriage or thereafter…he was still living in NC, but came back to see his mom occasionally. Our adult grown children were able to forgive him also for not being the father and support they needed growing up. This all took place in a 3 yr span….the reason I tell you this because my ex husband was killed in a head on car crash. I and my kids both needed to forgive and we did.
    Only God knows what each day holds for us and if He lays something on your heart or whispers that you need to do something (like forgiveness)…then please listen and obey.
    Thank you Sharon for this wonderful message today!

    God bless you all!
    Praying 🙏

    Reply

  41. Was quite difficult to do, but praise be to God, I chose to forgive and will remind myself that I did so when any feelings of hurt resurface!

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  42. Out of obedience to God I choose to forgive but reconciliation is not possible for me because the trust has been broken too many times.

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  53. Ot IS a wonderful way to start the day abd end the night. Asking God to help us clear our hearts of grudges. Guide us and help us to remember living free from grudges and help us FORGIVE others .. let it go…

    Reply

  60. I chose to forgive . loved the Bible verses that were used to help me take that step up . Wendy Elder
    🙏🏻

    Wish I had a radio station locally to listen to GIG’s.

    Reply

  61. I have never sought revenge to forgive but I find that I keep thinking about the betrayal and how i got scammed. I just avoid these people if I can. So why do I struggle with this word forgive?

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      Author

      I think most struggle with it because they feel like they are saying it’s ok. It’s not ok. What they did was wrong and forgiveness is really more for the forgiver. It’s like saying…I’m going to let it go and let God deal with it,

      Reply

  66. How do I forgive my sister’s ex husband for molesting my daughter. He doesn’t even know that I know about it. And so, he definitely has not asked for us to forgive him. As far as I know, he is not sorry. I don’t know where he is or what he is doing. I do pray that he does not do that to any others. I know that I am supposed to forgive. But am I supposed to forgive even if someone doesn’t ask me for forgiveness? If they are not sorry?

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      Author

      Good question. When Jesus was on the cross he said “father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” They didn’t ask for forgiveness or even know they needed it. Buy Jesus forgave them anyway.

      Reply

  68. I choose to forgive my
    Family for throwing me away 17 years ago and never speaking to me again. I forgive them for the hurt and the pain that they caused my children and my husband and I.
    I choose to truly forgive them.

    Reply

  69. Thank you for this article on forgiveness. I’ve been choosing to forgive but not asking the Lord to help me forgive my daughter and son-in-law, who caused us great grief and pain to the point that we had to move out of our beautiful home in Florida and move back to our hometown in Kansas, while my husband was under hospice care. We need God’s help to help us forgive and trust Him as we navigate these rough waters in our old age. 💕

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  74. Excellent devotional, it will heal your soul by forgiveness, for all things.
    Remember your the one that will feel miserable and the weight is on your shoulders. God’s blessings and love for all.

    Reply

  81. I choose to forgive my nephew whom I was there for him when many turned their backs on him, my husband and his family, children (blended family). I have to admit it has been very hard to forgive them and it’s a everyday thing and especially when they when the wound gets reopen. Blending families can be hard and very challenging.

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  83. I read somewhere that if you struggle to forgive someone who has caused you terrible pain to pray for that person. It helps in the process. Then leave the rest to God

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  84. I think it was in Linda Dillow’s book, “Calm My Anxious Heart” that she told of a God-fearing, forgiving friend. When others would bring up a wrong done to her, she would reply along the line of, “I specifically remember forgetting that.”

    I love that forgiving act of the will and have employed that posture myself.

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  86. Thank You. This one is for me. Just this past weekend while at church, right in front of me my prayer partner told people things that I’ve only told her. She said ” There’s no secret in church.” I became defensive. I’m so glad I’ve not said anything negative about anyone in church. I’ve forgiven her because I think that because she lives alone. she may be lonely. I’ve lost respect for her as a leader in the church. But I’ve also forgiven me for being defensive. I beat myself up later for not keeping my mouth shut. for not going to the bathroom and praying for the holy spirit to help me. We fast and pray every wed together. I believe she is my prayer partner for a reason. Please help me pray that God continue to Bless her. For me to treat her with compassion. I Need prayer for me for James 1:19 and Psalm 103:8 to be practical in my life. Thanks Sharon. May God continue to Bless You and your Family

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  87. I Love when You said: Forgiveness is like saying: I’m going to let it go and let God deal with it. That gave me peace because its out of my hands. I’ve learned when my emotions are in the driver’s seat I can’t think straight.

    Reply

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