I have a confession to make. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but when I was in high school, I hardly ever read the books we were supposed to have read in English class. I read the Cliffs Notes study guides and got by. I mean, who’s got time for homework? Right?
But a decade later, I decided to go back and get that high school reading list and actually read the books!
Great Expectations was one of my favorites. It showed me just what can happen with a heart that stays stuck on a solitary disappointment.
In the story, Miss Havisham is an elderly recluse who lives in a dilapidated mansion. When the main character, a young boy named Pip, is taken to her Gothic estate, he sees a dismal old brick structure with partially boarded-up windows, rusted iron gates, and an overgrown garden. But more startling than the rundown appearance of the outside of the house is what he finds inside.
Miss Havisham, the lady of the manor known as Satis House, sits in a tattered and yellowed wedding gown that hangs over her skeletal frame. Paper-thin skin wraps itself around her claw-like hands. A rotting veil rests upon her gray wispy hair. One shoe sits on a side table, as if waiting to be placed on her foot with the other. Bridal flowers, now long dead, adorn her head.
To add to the oddities, Pip notices that every clock in the room has stopped at twenty minutes till nine. In fact, every clock in the house ticked its last at twenty minutes till nine.
Pip later learns that many years before, Miss Havisham had been dressing for her wedding day when she received the heart-rending news that her fiancé had run off with another woman. He would not be marrying her after all.
From that moment on, life stopped for Miss Havisham.
Every room was left as it was. Miss Havisham patted her heart, looked at Pip, and said, “Broken.” She had sacrificed her future happiness on the altar of her past pain, refusing to let it go.
The apostle Paul wrote, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” (Ephesians 4:31 NIV).
The Greek word translated bitterness is pikria, which means bitterness or harshness. As Paul uses the word, it conveys an embittered or resentful spirit. The root word pik sounds like what it means: pick, prick, or cut. It can refer to a sharp or pointed object or a bitter, sharp taste. Used figuratively, it describes “that angry and resentful state of mind that can develop when we undergo troubles.”
When we keep picking at the scab of past pain, refusing to allow the wound to heal, we will become bitter.
And bitterness spawns other undesirable emotions and actions. Look at the words Paul tethers to bitterness: rage, anger, brawling, slander, malice. A bitter root will produce bitter fruit. It has no choice.
This is what happens when we, like Miss Havisham, hold our fingers on the hands of the clock to stop life from moving forward. A bitter heart is a clock stuck in yesterday. It keeps replaying yesterday when God is calling us forward today.
Of course, life forges ahead, clock or no clock. It is only the ticking clock of the heart that stays stuck as the world continues to spin.
So how do we break free of broken clock of bitterness that refuses move forward. Paul wrote: “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14 NIV).
Forgetting doesn’t mean erasing something from your memory. It means putting it behind you and no longer allowing it to control your mind, will, and emotions. It’s a conscious refusal to let it absorb your attention.
In the end, Miss Havisham set about to make everybody around her just as miserable as she was. And when it comes down to it, that’s what a bitter heart does. I don’t want to be that person, and I know you don’t either.
So today, let’s restart the stuck clock. Let go of the pain, and decide with every ounce of your being and by the power of the Holy Spirit… to move forward.
Heavenly Father, show me any roots of bitterness toward anyone that I have growing in my heart. Help me unearth the tap root so that it will be destroyed completely. And help me to move past the hurt and forward with the healing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Is there something from your past that God may be asking you to release today? Can you name it? If so, leave a comment and let’s share. If you’d rather not name it, then just say “yes.”
Digging Deeper
It is so easy to get stuck in a bad chapter of your life. Maybe today is the day to take your finger off the hands of yesterday’s clock and let God start your heart moving forward again.
My heart aches for my sisters in Christ to live free. That’s why I wrote this book. This is the message that helped me move forward after years of being stuck in the pain of my own past.
When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories can help you get there too.
Perhaps you have a friend who’s stuck in a painful part of her past. This would be a wonderful gift to help her move forward again. Includes a bible study guide.
Comments 80
My son walked away from God and us.
My son in law is very verbally abusive to my daughter and granddaughter. Pray he gets help for his PTSD.
Praying for your family. 🙏🏼
Yes Father help to forgive and love like you do! Amen
I do hold resentment toward my sisters. Very long story…but each has hurt me with words and actions that I constantly have to give to God so that I do not have them on constant replay in my head. I have really backed off talking to them, unless it is absolutely necessary. I feel that may be doing more harm, but it may keep me from staying in that bitterness.
same!
praying for you!!
Yes, I am stuck. So much pain and betrayal has left me in a bad place and I seek Jesus to heal me and help me, I am willing to let go.
Great Expectations…stuck on a solitary disappointment…now that is a 5-word thumbnail if I ever read one! As usual I can relatevto your writings of the human heart experience(s). Always good to hear from you. Regards to Steve…Bob (Struggling Well (Better) With Life @ 75)
Yes
I am stuck in a painful part of my past. Someone hurt me really bad and it’s been hard getting past it. Everyday I ask God to give me a heart of forgiveness for this person. I dont want to stay stuck there, it hinders my growth. I want to be obedient to God and love and forgive as He’s done for me. Please pray with me, to be delivered from the hurt I’ve been feeling all these years. Thank you.
I believe God is asking me to release the pain and hurt of betrayal in my marriage. That is of infidelity and my husband putting his adult daughter and seemingly just putting people before me, his wife.
Yes
Yes
Yes more than one situation
My marriage … I’m 10 years post divorce and still have to see him at my adult children and grandchildren’s events. I can’t even hardly look at him much less talk to him. I keep praying to be set free from this burden, but just can’t seem to move past the hurt of this wound. I have moved forward physically, but still harbor so much resentment and unfogiveness.
I am also 10 years post divorce and am in the exact same situation. I don’t even acknowledge my ex. I also can’t seem to move past the hurt and especially the betrayal of the OW who was a close family friend. I am happy now, but still just have so many questions.
Yes , my husband’s family who have financially cheated us over many years . Who have gas lighted us over many years .
Twenty years of hurting, remembering and not understanding why. I don’t know how to let it go. How can you forget what’s seared into your mind?
Betrayal, placing my trust in all the wrong places. I’m still processing it all.
40 years of betrayal via my husband’s sex addiction and the disclosure he provided while we were in therapy. Now in recovery.
Yes.-
“But one thing I do-forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead. I press on toward the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus.”-Philippians 3:13-14
Thank you Sharon for sharing this understanding of letting go of past hurts……………. Yes I do want to.
Veronica 🦋🦋🦋🌈🌈🌈
Yes!
Yes
emotional abuse
praying for every woman now who suffers this
In the last couple of weeks I was scammed/frauded out of a fair amount of money. The bank tried to get the money recalled without success. This type of fraud is happening at least 5 times a day at the bank I deal with. I don’t want to carry this burden around or allow that incident to have control over my life. That day I spoke a prayer and forgave those who frauded me. I don’t want to carry around the shame, guilt or any other negative feeling about what happened. I forgave them! When the enemy wants to keep reminding me of what happened, or what I could have done differently, or just the thought of how I was scammed, it makes my heart sick. I immediately go to the Lord in prayer and pick up my Bible. Many times during the night I have been woken with what happened. When I read my Bible and turn it over to the Lord I am able to go back to sleep.
Sharon, thank you for your words. I have been reading your information for years and share it often with my family and friends.
Yes! 45 years of marriage and just found out 18 months ago my husband has been USING porn secretly for 20 years. Now I understand why he’s been ignoring me. How will I at 68 ever measure up? He has stopped but the hypocrisy of it all…..angry, hurt, and disgusted. Want to let it go but don’t know how…….💔
Yes
I hold resentment against my Mom for a abusive childhood verbally and physically. I’m always bothered by how she can see discern others pain but never mine. I’m learning to forgive and free my mind and heart.
Yes, hard to forgive myself.
Yes. It is recent, six months, in fact. Betrayal and I have a broken heart. The pain is still fresh. I don’t want to be bitter and angry.. I pray for peace and healing of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen
I hold bitterness towards my husband who is full of anger and decided a few years ago to move into the spare room and only sleeps in the same room and bed as me when on holiday or we have visitors staying. It was something that wasn’t discussed and he won’t.
Yes!
I’m living in a Domestic Violence shelter after leaving my abusive fiancé. With no one and nowhere else to go. I hate it here. I feel so alone. I’m almost at the 90 days and don’t know where to go from here. I’ve been trying to find a job, church etc… doing my part but nothing seems to be working out for me. I feel helpless, running out of hope and faith. I pray the Lord shows up and shows me the way forward. Please pray for me.
Resentment, mistrust , past mistreatment and disrespect by my husband and his daughter. Hard to believe he’s not just pretending to be different now.
My youngest son passed away 3 months ago. I regret so much leaving his bedside on the last day and the last minutes of his life. I had just gone through surgery myself and was very tired after sit in a wheelchair by his bedside for over 2 hours. My sister felt I needed rest and she mention I should go rest , so I left my son. I don’t know whether I am angry with myself for just leaving or deciding to leave at my sisters suggestion. I am just plain angry and have a sadness I can’t shack.
Author
Oh sweet friend. It could be that he didn’t want you to see him go, so he waited until you weren’t there to spare you.
Such an incredible comforting response. I completely agree. Everything is in Gods hands. 💔❤️✝️
Janet
See Sharon’s comment/reply to you. The same thing happened with my Mom. We all were taking turns through the night to visit her and into the next day. We decided to finally go get something to eat. My sister and brother-in-law convinced my father to join them. We left at 3 pm. When we came back at 3:30 pm she had passed. The priest said she had not been alone. My poor Dad was devastated and through himself on top of her sobbing. My brother and his wife showed up at 4 pm. My sister had called him the night before around 7:30 pm. Mom kept asking when was Pat coming. I believe Mom did not want us to see her go and she was trying to hang on until my brother showed up.
When Dad was in the hospital and my sister called my brother, he drove down from NH with Dawn and the kids. I will pray for you Janet. Forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up.
Yes
Yes.
It’s a long story. My elderly Dad passed 15 months ago. I lived with him for a little over 6 years prior his passing. (Was a Narcissist) When I was growing up, I was “invisible” to him. I don’t know why. He gave his attentions to my younger sister.i wasn’t acknowledged by him at dinner table or in life unless to speak a correction in a cold manner. When I got married and he walked be down aisle, he didn’t say a word to me as I spoke to him. Fast forward – Shortly after, I was expecting and he suddenly began to interact. Without any foundational relationship, I never felt any father love for him or real love. Just caring. Iver the years he pushed me and my sister away from a relationship due to his extreme negative talk towards us. We had several estrangements over the years.
(Our mom went through alot)
7 years ago I left a marriage (malignant overt narcissist with PTSD) and moved in with my Dad. It was hard. I realized more if what my mom went through. He was plain mean. As he declined 15 months ago, I automatically did what a daughter should do during the time I lived there and during his ending time -hospital time – comfort. I never cried when he passed…I don’t feel what I should feel when a parent passes. It bothers me that I dont feel the loss as i should. I try to focus on the things I can find that were good qualities like neatness or Taking care of his finances in an admirable way. I don’t know how to move into a healthy area with memories.
Yes! Amen
Yes
Thank you so very much for this devotional.,God used it to speak deep within my heart . Conviction and confession were needed in my life!
Thank you for allowing God to use you !
Yes! long story, but words that were spoken by my mother toward my older sister, which I heard, has hurt both of us. Please Lord help me to continue to forgive my mother/father/family for holding/harboring bitterness, disappointment and unforgiveness, etc., AND to release all to YOU!
Yes. Our daughter has stepped away from the church because of treatment she received from members of her youth group. She is 42 and still harbors the hurt. Her heart has become hard and I pray that God softens her heart so she can release the pain and anger holding her back.
I’ve been carrying the pain of my childhood for 60 years. I have acted out in ways that I am ashamed of, blaming the hurt from my past. I continue to ask God to help me move forward but I honestly don’t know what is stopping me. There are days I feel fine but then revert back to the ugly thinking
Abandoned and discarded,
Struggling with estrangement from our son and family. Missing our precious grandchildren terribly.
God, please help me to release the pain of past & present hurts from so many people, in Jesus name I pray, Amen! 🙏🏾
We are a family of believers and I tried to set a good Christ like example for my 2 sons, but my younger son left our family over 8 years ago after a phone call stating that he will never see or talk to us ever again. He left us with over $100 thousand in co-signed education loans( of which I only co-signed the first one, forged signatures on the other 9 loans.) We paid and paid all these years, sacrificing my SS check each month to pay the minimum payments, hoping that he would return.
I’m not bitter, I have forgiven him and would welcome him back in a heartbeat. I would even be willing to assist him in repayment of those loans if he needed. But the sadness remains. The empty corner of my heart refuses to be filled.
yes!
Yes! I realized this morning that I was allowing myself to base my happiness and contentment on my circumstances rather than getting my joy-cup filled by Jesus and him alone. I repented and am seeking Him to fill me up. Moving forward in Christ!
Yes, AMENO
This message is so timely as I just watched a teaching video by Rick Warren on this topic on Sunday. Yes and Amen.
I have a friend who is very sick and was moved to a nursing home from the hospital because of it. She has a good mind but the staff does not treat her very well there and she can be bitter. Can you give me a suggestion? Your book from me may be just what would help. I have been praying for her and also try to encourage her. Joseph is a good example. Thank you for this reading Sharon and many others. You encourage me too!
Yes, resentment, pain, hurt for the past three years.
As a former addict of food addiction – I lived 4 nearly 5 decades of blaming everyone in my life for my miserable life. When I did Step 4&5 I saw how I related to life. I was such an angry resentful woman. I have now dealt with all the resentments of my past. Today when I have any uncomfortable feelings I look at them straight away so that they don’t become resentments of tomorrow. As my sponsor says – resentment is like drinking poison and excepting the other person to die.
I have been stuck in deep deep grief from losing my marriage of over 22 years. Please pray I can move forward into joy, peace and freedom!
Yes yes yes
I think it’s a lot of things for me . One is my childhood. Was very painful . Forgiving my mom and dad . And myself for having an abortion was I was 19 . I’m 35 now and it’s never something that I can just put behind me .
A poverty/lack/struggling mindset. I’ve carried that mindset into my life, and it’s affecting my son. Even though I walk by faith, I’m still struggling at age 57. I’m on disability, recovering from hip surgery, and difficulty paying rental expenses; asking and believing for a financial miracle. A lot people are struggling and that makes me sad.
Wow. This is a timely word for me!
Yes
Excessiveness!
Yes. It’s time for me to forgive Lisa for pain I’ve felt from her actions in the past. I have spent too much time resenting her. God, help me truly forgive myself for the time I’ve wasted ruminating over the past. Thanks, Sharon, for your story.
My husband‘s ex-wife and her sister.
She left him in two very small children and never came back until I entered the picture. Then all it does was just cause heartache and problems in mind and my husband‘s life and our two children. Now that everyone’s grown, and they have decided to have a relationship with her I have the hardest time. Her sister was horrible to me in the very beginning that’s been about 37 years ago and we haven’t talked since.
YES
Janet
See Sharon’s comment/reply to you. The same thing happened with my Mom. We all were taking turns through the night to visit her and into the next day. We decided to finally go get something to eat. My sister and brother-in-law convinced my father to join them. We left at 3 pm. When we came back at 3:30 pm she had passed. The priest said she had not been alone. My poor Dad was devastated and through himself on top of her sobbing. My brother and his wife showed up at 4 pm. My sister had called him the night before around 7:30 pm. Mom kept asking when was Pat coming. I believe Mom did not want us to see her go and she was trying to hang on until my brother showed up.
When Dad was in the hospital and my sister called my brother, he drove down from NH with Dawn and the kids. I will pray for you Janet. Forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up.
Ex husband who left after 45 years of marriage, brother who doesn’t want to be held accountable for POA of dad’s estate, son who has disowned God and his family; all within 3 months of my dad’s passing. I am working through it all and SO thankful for the lovingkindness of the Lord and His promises to me!!! 🙂 Life’s circumstances are not an excuse to give up. God has so much more for me!
I sometimes feel embittered by past circumstances such as abuse and betrayal from a young age. I’m now receiving counselling. My Christian counsellor is helping me to see that it wasn’t normal and it wasn’t my fault. She says I’ve been making excuses for the perpetrators all my life. Perhaps it was my way of coping. I’m not sure. Sometimes my mind behaves like Miss Havisham. I pray that Jesus will bring me out of that mindset and I can move forward. Please pray for me too!
Thank you for sharing this wisdom and these reminders. Such a great word from
God and for his women.
Yes. 🙏
I have an example in my family of “A bitter heart is a clock stuck in yesterday.” and I’ve prayed for years to not become like her I copied your devotion to underline one or two points for myself, and soon, it was 90% underlined. 😢 Oh, God, forgive me of my bitterness toward J, J, A, S, A, B, T. May I instead be a sweet aroma to the above. 🙏
Yes, even as a new Christian, my heart is still stuck in the pain and bitterness of my past. There are many sins that have attached themselves to me as a result.
Thank you for sharing your story and testimony of how great and awesome our God is. Thank you for reming us how important it is to fully let go and trust God 100%. He forgives us each and every day. I need to forgive others, including myself, to fully let go and let God rule and kead my life.
God forgive my bitterness snd anger towards, S, R, D, C, L, and J. Please, help me to fully let go of my past and to keep moving forward walking with you.
I was verbally abused to be my biological mama, she also abused her mother my grandmother who adopted me at 7 she also abused my uncle her brother. After she passed away during covid 2020 March, come to find out from a family friend she was mentally ill. All I do is pray to let go and forgive, she would always say you’ll never amount to anything.
Author
Well, God says that you are chosen on purpose for purpose. Holy and dearly loved. So guess who’s telling the truth:)
My youngest daughter doesn’t talk to us, due to brain injury and she is living and being brainwashed by a woman my age. And my oldest daughter doesn’t go to church but thank God has love for my grandson and her boyfriend. Please pray for my family, that one day we will be reconciled here or in heaven. God bless everyone.
Hello Sharon,
Great message Sharon. Just letting go is so liberating. It is not easy, when we live forwards and not in yesterday pain, we find liberation!!
We are so Blessed!!! We are loved!!!
My son and daughter in law left us 10 years go. and took our grandson away, who is 11 years old now. I choose to leave all 3 of them to you Lord. Please do a mighty work in their hearts, but prepare mine for better things ahead!
My beautiful lovely daughter kayla went no contact on our whole family after she got married, it’s been 6 years and I’m crushed, but I am giving it all to God and starting to feel better 🙏🙏🙏, I’ll always love her but I feel like I need to move on, I’m 67 years old and my life stopped 6 years ago,, life is so short,,I need to live again,,,I pray for her health and happiness, and for God to make her let him in! 🙏❣️✝️
I am working my way through a gambling addiction. One day at a time. Trying to let go and Let God. Thank you for your articles