One Thing Your Man Really Wants

Sharon JaynesMarriage 32 Comments

If you’re one of my many single friends, and you really don’t like when I blog about marriage, let me encourage you. These blogs are only for a season. Believe me, I remember the days when I loathed Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t wait for the red and pink to disappear. If the marriage blogs stir up icky feelings, please just delete them.  or read them store the info away for a day when they won’t feel so icky. But please don’t unsubscribe for good. You are loved! This is only for a season.

In my first job as a dental hygienist, I noticed how the all-female staff, as well as the patients, admired the doctors in the building where I worked. I admired them too!

They were a wonderful group of talented men who were gifted and skilled in their chosen profession.

As a young woman in my early twenties, I wondered how the doctors’ wives felt about the praise their hubbies received from other women all day long.

Amazingly, a few years later, I had the opportunity to find out for myself.

After working for two years, I decided to go back to college. While there I met and married Steve Jaynes, a young dental student.

When he started his practice, I remembered the admiring women from the years before, and I made a commitment that of all Steve’s admirers he would have from the day he opened his practice until the day he retired, I was going to be his number one fan!

And it wasn’t long before I realized that admiration and appreciation are the golden keys to unlocking his heart.

Dr. Willard Harley, in his book, His Needs Her Needs says:

When a woman tells a man she thinks he’s wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself as capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level. That inspiration helps him prepare for the responsibilities of life. Admiration not only motivates, it also rewards the husband’s existing achievements.

When a wife tells her husband that she appreciates him for what he’s done, it gives him more satisfaction than a paycheck.  A woman needs to appreciate her husband for what he already is, not for what he could become, if he lived up to her standards. For some men—those with fragile self-images—admiration also helps them believe in themselves.

So where does your husband go for admiration and appreciation?

He goes somewhere. All men do.

Does he go to work in hopes of hearing “Job well done”?

Does he go to the ball field in hopes of hearing “Way to go, man”?

Does he go back home to mamma to hear “I’m so proud of you, son”?

Does he work late hoping for a few compliments from the gals in the office?

Does he feast on compliments from patients or clients?

Does he hang out at the gym flexing and building his biceps?

Tell me, where does your man go to be admired and appreciated?

How wonderful when that place is in your heart, in your arms, and in your home.

If you have been withholding admiring words from your husband, it may feel strange to begin.

First and foremost, be authentic—be real.

If you contrive admiring words, he’ll be able to tell. Start with one compliment or one word of appreciation.

It may be as simple as saying “thank you.”

Soon the admiration will begin to flow…hopefully both ways.

Look for ways to give your husband a compliment every day.

Pay attention to him and take note of his appearance, behavior, and character qualities. Then sprinkle a few compliments his way.

Your husband may be confused or skeptical with this sudden showering of praise. He may say, “What’s up with the compliments all of a sudden?”

If that’s his reaction, just say, “I’d forgotten what a wonderful man I’m married to, and I’m realizing it more and more every day!

Here are some ideas from my book, A 14 Day Romance Challenge

  • Make a list of 10 to 15 reasons you appreciate or admire your husband and send it to him in an email, tape it to the steering wheel of his car, or post it on Facebook, making sure to tag him in the post.
  • Write your husband a note, thanking him for something he did for you. It could be as simple as thanking him for working hard for your family, cutting the grass, or keeping up with your insurance.
  • Fill one helium balloon for each year you’ve been married. Attach a love note to the ribbon of each balloon. Place the balloons over your bed so when he comes into the room he sees the cloud of balloons with love notes hovering from the ceiling.
  • Make him a little card the size of a credit card that says “Lifetime Member of the AAA Club of Marriage. I Admire, Adore, and Appreciate You.” Slip it into his wallet.
  • Put a note in his wallet that says, “You mean more to me than all the money in the world.”

Leave a comment and share one thing you did or will do today to show your husband you appreciate or admire him. We will randomly pick one comment to receive a free copy of my new book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage. Click on the book cover to read free chapter, watch a fun video, and sign up for free bonuses with purchase before January 31.

Does your marriage need a little help in the romance department? Has it grown ho-hum in the daily routine? If so, it’s time to spice up your relationship and rekindle the passion with hundreds of creative ways to show your man just how much you love him.

This book offers heart-stirring inspiration and simple ideas that will put a smile on your husband’s face and a spark in your marriage. Get ready to…

* wow your guy with simple acts of affection he’ll treasure for a lifetime

* wake up the passion that was God’s idea in the first place

* watch your marriage grow stronger and your love grow deeper.

Take the 14-Day Romance Challenge and make your husband feel like the luckiest man on earth.






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Comments 32

  1. Thank you Sharon for the reminder of how simple is to keep our man committed, happy and satisfied. I have changed a lot thru the years (for better), inspired by your blogs. Thank you in the name of my entire family.

  2. When the love of my life came home from the barber with a haircut and a beard trimmed neatly…and his eyebrows back under control, I sucked in air and told him, “Ooh, Baby! You look good enough to eat!” The smile on his face and the lift in his shoulders was priceless.

  3. last week I left I love you notes for my husband in his laptop, in the car, and on the bathroom mirror. This week I will greet him when he come in for working and remind of how I much, I appreciate that he is the man that comes home to our family!

  4. I compliment my husband frequently, but I think I do it so often that it has lost some impact. He enjoys the compliments, but I think what is even more meaningful for him is the “that a’ boy!” comments and reactions he gets from me. Thank you, Sharon, for these creative ideas to present my thoughts and love differently to him.

  5. This year in June, we will have been married 40 years!!! Seems like yesterday and then it doesn’t! My Dad always said that if any two people were ever made for each other, it was us! He was 10 and I was 6 when we first met in the backyard! I never get tired of telling that story. My Mom used to say, “when God made you, He made your mate!” We have been through so much together and we are still together! Hasn’t always been easy, but he remains the love of my life!

  6. I verbally tell my husband I appreciate him often but I plan to do more tangible things like writing him a note and leaving it in a fun place for him to find! Thanks for the ideas!

  7. Im going to go by his work when i get off and tape a love message to his steering wheel of his car. He will see it when he leaves work to come home.

  8. I used to do and say things to compliment my husband. I was very grateful for him and all he did for the family. But then, he went through a job loss and the retirement savings got hit bad and he turned into someone I didn’t know. He was violent, tried to commit suicide 3 times, and was very disrespectful to us and also his kind hearted parents. This went on for three years. Counseling and medication were tried at no avail. He finally turned a corner about 9 months ago and is better but not where we should be. I am slowly healing but I find it very hard to compliment him.

    1. My heart aches for you. We are going thru financial stresses due to some mistakes on his part. there’s something about losing their confidence in themselves on the job front that demoralizes them. Be patient with him and yourself. I’m glad you see progress.
      praying you find specific things about him that you can appreciate and compliment.

  9. My husband and I have become like roommates or brother and sister. The love is still there but something is missing. I am going to try the suggestions presented and look forward to reading the book to see what else I can try to get my marriage back on track.

  10. The 14-Day Romance Challenge is truly a spark of fresh fire for my marriage!!!!!!! Our relationship is growing stronger each day because of it!
    Just like your car needs a new set of spark plugs every once in a while, your marriage needs a new set of romance spark plugs! We must keep the maintenance up on our marriage too! Don’t wait until your marriage needs to be put in the shop!

  11. I try to affirm my husband that I am proud of him in all he does for me. I also make sure to assure him that ‘you got this’, or ‘you can do this’, etc. He has a prosthetic and I purposely never let him feel sorry for himself even though with the prosthetic, there limitations that are out of control. We went from living together in a life where we were far from God to getting married 5 1/2 months after we started going to church to fighting like crazy the first 2 1/2 years of our marriage to the point where no one wanted to be around us to being a couple that others come to for advise. We actually work at giving words of affirmation regularly.

  12. Thanks for sharing these ideas on ways how to show our husband how much we care. We were high school sweethearts and we’ve been married for 33 years and I love my husband more than anything in this world. For some reason I’m really bad at showing him how much I appreciate him. He always does and says the sweetest things for me, and I want him to know how much I love and appreciate him too. I’m going to use some of the ideas you shared to show him how much he means to me. I truly have the best husband in the world and I want him to know it! Thanks again!

  13. I realized early in our marriage,because of my husband’s rejection in his childhood, his need for words of affirmation so I began, by Father’s wisdom and encouragement, to affirm him and he responded so beautifully into the secure Godly man that he is today after 48 years of marriage. He also affirms me daily and blesses me and others with words of encouragement and love. The Lord gave us a ministry of encouragement for almost our whole married life. Thank you for writing this book and for sharing this blog.

  14. When my husband calls me I always answer the phone “Hey, good looking!” I want him to know,”he will always be my love, and my hero”! I believe some text messages are coming his way, starting today! And I love the idea of putting notes in his car!

    We will be celebrating 42 years in February. Boy, time flies when you’re having fun!

  15. I shared a gif on Facebook that said how much my hubby means to me and which mentioned just a few if the things he does for me

  16. It was 19 years this week since we went out together for the first time! And soon we’ll celebrate our 18th anniversary. Amazing how fast it has gone.
    While our walk together hasn’t been without it’s ups and downs, i do know appreciation means so much to him.
    Today I want to clean the house well and try to have a peaceful atmosphere for him and then tell him i did it because he works so hard and deserves peace after slaying the giants all day.
    i often take a nap too, because having my smile genuine and my attitude ready for whatever he may have in mind goes far. 😉

  17. I wrote a Thank You note to my husband for washing dishes after Christmas dinner. I also plan to write the 10-15 reasons I appreciate him, because I know he thrives on affirmation.

  18. Today I am at a doctors office having a procedure done and he took off from work to drive me and be there with me although I could have gone by my self. He does this all the time and I realized that I have not expressed to him how much I love and appreciate him doing this. He doesn’t have to but he does. He says it’s because he loves me. SO today I will tell him every time thank you for being there for me and I love our special time together. We have been married 471/2 years and he is the love of my life. God truly has blessed me and I’m going to make sure my husband knows it. Thank you for these articles to remind us how important it is to continue to put romance back into our lives.

    1. Thank you Mrs. Diamond for being married for 47 1/2 years to inspire us all! I will smile and give my husband a kiss when one of us leaves the house. I will greet him with the same when we return.

  19. This is spot on and I know it. I just need to work on it. We’ve hit a snag. I’m praying. My husband would especially like it if the house was clean when he got home. As a grad student with four kid days, that’s impossible.

  20. I send my soon-to-be-husband (getting married in two weeks) a text every day telling him what I admire and appreciate about him. I have always known how important my verbal affirmations are to him. Thank you for your blog and for the confirmation that I need to continue doing what I am doing. Abundant blessings on your marriage, Sharon! I would love to read your book about romance! 🙂

  21. Though it has been now almost five years i used to work far from home; but do call him
    and appreciate him for giving me time to be where i am. Working to support the family
    but, he didn’t feel good as he missed me. Now i am praying to God to give me near
    home job so that we stay together and enjoy togetherness. God bless you for this
    important article.

  22. I’ve created my AAA club card; just need to laminate it for his wallet. It says,

    Admired, Adored, Appreciated
    by your loving wife

    Thank you for the suggestion.

  23. My husband and I are at a point right now that we’re so frustrated with the finances and being a blended family it’s hard with the kids to just follow instruction. We kind of lost the romance in our relationship. This morning I sent him a message saying Thank you for his help.

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