My son, Steven, and I sat on the floor in his room playing a card game. The summer was proving to be the best ever. Our golden retriever, Ginger, had just delivered seven adorable puppies, Steven was enjoying his sixth summer of life, and after four years of negative pregnancy tests, God had surprised us with a new life growing inside my womb.
But as Steven and I sat cross-legged on the carpet, I felt a warm, sticky sensation run down my leg. A trip to the bathroom confirmed my greatest fears. Later that afternoon, the doctor voiced the weighty words, “There is no heartbeat.”
What do you do when heartbreak slams into joy? When your soul cracks open and there just aren’t enough tears? When hurt steals your hope and you want to give up on life? When deep soul lesions make a mockery of your faith?
I wish I could tell you I left the doctor’s office quoting Romans 8:28 about how “all things work together for good” (ESV). I wish I could tell you that I calmly accepted the loss of my baby with faith, trusting that even this was somehow part of God’s plan. I wish I could tell you I spent the rest of the day singing “It Is Well with My Soul.” But I didn’t do any of those things.
I went home, crawled in bed, and pulled the covers up over my empty womb and broken heart. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially God. And what I did say to him wasn’t very nice.
How could You do this to me? If this is how You treat those You love, then just forget it! You answered my prayer only to take it back! Why me? Why this? Why now?
Job was a man in the Bible who also had a lot of questions for God. In one day, his enemies killed all but a handful of his servants and stole all eleven thousand heads of livestock.
Then a strong wind collapsed his son’s house and killed all ten of Job’s children. We read the story of Job already knowing how it is going to end—the Lord not only restored what Job had lost, but “gave him twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10).
But can you imagine what it was like to live through it in real time? Job was stuck in a bad story and he saw no end in sight. He had no idea why it was happening. He didn’t know God would give him twice as much as he had before. All he knew was loss, disappointment, and pain. That might be where you are right now, stuck in a story you don’t like. But hang on, God’s pen has not slipped. He’s still in control. There’s more to come.
My favorite line in Job’s story comes at the very end. Job says to God, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5). That is my prayer in every difficult circumstance of life. I don’t want to simply hear about God; I want to see God and have communion with Him in the midst of it.
Sometimes we have to let go of our plans to take hold of God’s purpose…and it’s always good. A houseful of children was not how my chapter of infertility and the loss of a child over 30 years ago ended, but I can still say it had a good ending. God has made me fertile in so many other areas, and I wouldn’t change a thing. And when women come to me trying to make sense of the disappointments in their lives, I can say, “Come, sit with me. Let me tell you a story.”
And I know He can do that for you.
Lord, there are some parts of my story that still ache, and perhaps that ache will never go completely away. However, I know that You can use every tear to water the seeds of hope in someone else’s life. I release my pain to You, and I wait open handed for Your purpose on how to use my story to help someone else. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
What is one difficult chapter of loss in your story that you’re having trouble getting past. Leave a comment with that chapter’s title and let’s share.
How might God be calling you to use it to help others?
Digging Deeper
Many of have heartache in our lives. Our mistakes, the pain others have caused us, and circumstances outside our control taunt us every day, though we long to turn a new page. When You Don’t Like Your Story challenges us to ask: What if God doesn’t want us to rip out of difficult stories but repurpose them for good?
What has been done to you and what has been done through you doesn’t disqualify you from God’s best for your life. It qualifies you for an even greater purpose than you would have ever known without it. So sink deep into God’s life-changing truths. The next chapter is just beginning. Includes an in-depth Bible study for individuals and groups.
Comments 51
Wow so dandy .. thank you! Please pray for me and my adult kids. Irrational unforgiveness, hate and no communication. Help Lord Jesus!!!
Joanna, I am right there with you and I feel your pain. I will hold you up in prayer as I pray for myself.
I’m going through this right now with my daughter & every thing in me wants to find the right thing to say that will win her heart back. God says wait! Wait on Me as I work all things out for good. Being in a state of waiting can be painful too but I’m trusting God that He’s got this & the end is greater that I can even imagine.
My 3 adult children are all estranged from me for years… It hurts every time I think of them. They were such wonderful children, growing up.
My prayer is that God will bring them back from the “land of the enemy”.
Here is my story title, “The repercussions of raising children while separated from God.”
Author
That sounds like a powerful and instructive chapter title.
I have some challenges going on right now but I will not complain as I know God knows that I needed change to strengthen my faith . I know he will come through for me just as he did for Job, all in his time 🙏🏽
My story should have been a fairytale and it ended like a disaster. After 15 years, God finally allowed me to receive closure. So thankful to be on the other side. I do want to share what happened with others, but then I feel I’m keeping all the ugly alive. How do you not do that?
Thank you for sharing Laura, I have this same question. At almost 65 I feel like my life looks like a mess over the past 40 years, a failure and scare even though God has kept me and I am His, forever. I see His faithfulness but sharing all I have been through feels like re living it when I don’t see the beauty and restoration….
I too have wondered about sharing the details and uncertainty after a horrific car accident. My question had always been “ what do I do with this”. Well, I wrote a book, Certainly not by my design but it has opened a few doors to share with others. It is truly amazing when people listen to how God was and is there everyday and not just for me, for each of us. It’s not the horror they see but the blessings.
It is my honor to share and listen to others open up.. Still listening for His direction.
I would love to do it more.
I’m in a chapter of my life that’s not good. I’ve quit 3 jobs in a row and now am hoping God will help me get yet another job. I’ve been to the hospital again for wanting to overdose.
Dear Heather,
I too have recently went through the same thing, but continued to pray and have hope in God, and he blessed me with a job that I love. I was even able to start.my own business. Continue to trust God and be obedient regardless of your circumstances. I love you and so does God.
Heather
I will pray for you! I just lost a good friend who, although he knew the Lord, chose to end his life two days after my birthday in October. He had tried unsuccessfully three times prior. God is not finished with you yet! This has been very difficult but I know that He is not done writing my story and certainly not done writing yours. Please hang in there because you are an important part of God’s plan for you and don’t give up!
Been there……still growing in the Lord!! 50 year ago, (before ultrasound) my first baby wa born with the mermaid syndrome (that wasn’t a known term back then). Looking back, that was my boot camp for what was in my future.. I was blessed in the next several year with a son and daughter. But my marriage of 23 years was a mess. When my husband confessed to being “gay” I was devastated. We had met at a Christian college and we’re active in our church. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. We went through counseling to no avail. I have now been married for 30 years to a wonderful godly man. There have been many heartaches throughout the years. My daughter turned on me –she was/is a daddy’s girl and this rocked her belief system. My relationship with her is restored. I continue pray that her heart turn back to the Lord. Many stories could be told. Through it all, God is faithful and I continue to hang onto Him and rest in His grace.
I so appreciate you, dear Sharon. I would love to meet you in person sometime! I keep looking for a retreat /speaking engagement.
Blessings to all💞. God is so good all the time!!
I’m glad my friend introduced me to you. I’m inspired by your honest,heartfelt words. Thank you for sharing your gift of beautiful devotions with me.
Author
I’m glad you’re here!
This story touched me so purposefully today. I had three losses before a healthy baby girl was born 3 years ago, albeit with a difficult pregnancy and birth and years afterwards of recovery. I am still getting back to myself. I have begged and pleaded and tried and tried for another baby as I am an only child, and my whole life, I said…”I don’t want to have an only child.” I have always yearned for siblings. I love the Lord and so does my husband. We are aiming to raise our little girl with the sweet grace of Jesus surrounding her in her every way. It is so hard to understand why God would not desire to send us more children when that is the desire of my heart. It is so hard to know whether to stop trying–I am in my early 40s…to just accept this as a NO from God and to move forward…to think that if I do…will God show forth something else…something better for me in His plans? I don’t want to steal my joy from the present with my daughter with the yearning for another child…I don’t want her to feel that she is not enough. I want to have the perfect Shalom peace that only God can give…contentment that cannot be found in any other way.
“Missed out on Marriage” would be the chapter that told of my nine year marriage to an alcoholic and emotionally abusive husband. I filed for divorce as a last resort and became a single mother with a five year old and a one year old. Now, twenty years later, those sons are 21 and 25 and the joys of my life! My ex husband and I were able to unite in our love for our sons before he passed suddenly almost three years ago. I’m still single but have God by my side. My life is full because of His love and grace. I’ve learned that He is all that I need.
I lost my one and only sister last year. Presently, my boyfriend of the past 3 years, who has been living with me, says he wants out of our relationship and is planning to leave. I’ve made numerous attempts to salvage our relationship, but he refuses to do so, which is hurtful. I have 78- and 82-year-old parents who are dependent upon me. They have no other children or grandchildren, and they live two hours away. The organizational changes at my job are significantly impacting me, and the atmosphere is toxic. Because I was in a bad mental state, I had to take some time off.
Hi De,
First of all I am sorry for your loss.
Your story resonates with me, for I took care of aging parents in their final yrs.
God says Honor thy Father and Mother!
Your in my thoughts and prayers and that God would lead you to making the right decisions at this time in your life.
God Bless!
Debbie L
Sharon Jaynes, you are a gifted communicator, and I can easily relate to many of the things you speak about. I am taking a bold step here. I have written a book titled “Unlikely Connections” which, using my husband’s and my life, was written to show the things the Lord may use to direct one’s path in life so that a person may then see that He is not doing huge miraculous things to guide us, but is using things we would never suspect, but looking back we can see what He used and how He took us from unsaved to ministry and beyond. The book was self-published and is for sale on Amazon but there are no reviews and few sales. My request is: Could I send you a copy of the book? Would you read it and write a review of it on the Amazon page?
Author
I’d love to read it!
Charlotte…I am ordering your book today! I look forward to reading it. Cindy 🙂 I have written a booklet with part of my miraculous testimony but am not confident enough to write a book even though it is a dream I have because of what God has done in my life and would love to encourage others with it. God bless you!
So powerful! Thank you.
My Chapter would be called, “The Loss of Self.”
Senseless Murder of Adult Child Gives Rise to Glory Opportunity
Asking for your prayers as I’m called back for 2nd mammogram and ultrasound… Lord protect me and take my fear away. Prayers for a good report. Amen
“Grieving Friendship,” when your best friend ends the relationship, and you don’t know why.
Hi Chanel I’m in the same boat. My bff of 18 years decided I wasn’t a good friend n overnight we stopped communicating. It’s been 8 months and it still hurts. I know God is going to use this situation n He will use yours too.
Thank you so much Anne!
The difficult chapter in my story would be titled, The Loss of Myself. I lost myself while working amongst so many toxic people for many years in job after job. I lost myself taking care of so many others around me, that it often puts stress & strain on me. But God! I have learned that those toxic people didn’t love themselves, so the problem wasn’t me, it was them. I learned to only be pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. People don’t validate me, I am a child of the most high! I am grateful that although I am still a work in progress, God helps me to forgive all who has hurt me. God, reminds me daily to self care, because I have to first take care of myself fully to be able to then, pour out to others. I’m grateful of spiritual growth & the promises of God, that he is continuing to turn beauty from my ashes. Amen, Amen & Amen! 🙏🏾👏🏽🫶🏽🙌🏽
Yes ma’am you are a beloved child of the One True KIng. I believe we are all masterpieces of God that he is always working on to refine us to being more like Jesus every day. Keep your head up and continue to serve the Lord wherever he leads you.
When Retirement Brings Caregiving for a Husband with Alzheimer’s
A book I didn’t ever want to write, but I am living it
“Secrets”- My son kept a dark secret. This secret put him in prison last week. It is so confusing as he loves the Lord. Please pray as we are mourning and trying to pick up the broken pieces. We trust you Lord, but this is almost unbearable.
Thank you everyone for your passionate commitment to God that’s reflected in each story. You are bringing joy to Father God and hope to every heart. I’m so grateful to my daughter for introducing me to Sharon Jaynes.
It is weird to say but I see it this way: no matter the circumstances, we can take a break, sit down and love Him, consume His love or better put – commune as you put it, Jane
Mrs. Jaynes I have been reading your devotionals for several years now. I started with Girlfriends in God and now your own posting. Your faith has been inspirational to me as I am walking and working my way forward from losing my 4 year old grandson to a freak accident from a handgun discharging when it hit his 2 year old little brothers head. I know God is good and he has been with me every step of the way. I was able to work through my grief with God’s help and lots of peoples prayers. His mother is struggling to move forward so I am asking for prayers from you and all who read this post. I thank God for you Mrs. Sharon Jaynes every time I read your posts on my email. May God continue to bless you and keep you.
Author
Thank you so much, sweet Donna. I am soooo sorry that happened. Heartbreaking.
A chapter in my story: Why didn’t God heal my husband? 😥
Sharon…beautifully said. Thank you for your honesty, openness and encouraging words! Cindy 🙂
My story: why did God allow my husband to die ?😢 we prayed, did all the doctors told us to do. Constantly prayed , asked elders to pray. Kept moving forward trusting God until the end. Now I’m alone and angry at God. His promises we claimed didn’t come to pass.😢😢
Hi, having worked through 2 situations of deep grief, I can reflect when I couldn’t imagine healing at all. I couldn’t see the sun or rainbows. I was empty. Very little active faith. But what I did do, in baby steps, was to keep coming back to God and bringing Him into all the difficulties and heartbreak many times over the years. Even when He seemed quiet, I had to remind myself that He is not like Man. He is the God who loves us powerfully. We are reminded of this in Ephesians 3: 18-19 – And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully … . Keep resting in, believing in, immersing in, His love for you. We don’t have to ‘earn’ this incredibly powerful love or understand it. But it’s there. For YOU. And me. We can heal, even if things don’t go the way we hope. Be encouraged.
Hello Sharon,
Thankyou for this great message inspiring always!
Living in the let go by being spirit lead is a daily reminder. Also, daily release and reminder that future is greater. and stay in hope! We are so Blessed!!
Family strife, on several levels, I know there are others who share my situation, but I know that GOD’s timing is perfect, in every way, and that healing will come, not by my will but, by HIS.
My chapter is hard to name but a happy ending. Marriage, infertility, husband’s infidelity/illigitimate child, reconciliation and birth of two beautiful girls! Married 54 years now and still being blessed from my precious savior! Many mountains I have climbed and still am but prayer is the only way I have survived! I would definitely share my story for those struggling with infertility as I know the pay and heartbreak. However, I am 73 years old and know times have changed. My advice… pray constantly! God is good! Thank you Sharon for your gift of sharing and encouragement ❤️
Thank you Sharon,
My story, working through my husbands death. being far away from my kids and grandkids and my two kids don’t talk or get along with each other. I’m trying to be an encourager to those at work who are going through the same thing I did and what I’m going through now. God gives me a devotion each morning that helps me through the day. This is one of them.
Sharon
I tried to have children for six years while living in NY but to no avail. My doctor told me it was “timing”. My husband said maybe a change in scenery would help and we moved to Maine. Six months later I was pregnant with our daughter and everyone said “it must be the air” or “it must be the water” but it was getting away from family, especially my mother-in-law who called me each month for news. I had to have an amniocentisis done because of my age but my response to the doctor when he asked me if I would abort my baby if there was indication she would be mentally disabled was: “God has a sense of humor. If I have to wait this long to have a child, I am sure she will be fine!” And she was and is 37 and married now. We were married 11 years when I had Genine.
Author
wonderful story!
Thanks Sharon for another wonderful post. I can relate somewhat. Our beautiful daughter,Jill was 4 years old when we found out I was pregnant, only to miscarry. It was tough. I became pregnant again & again miscarried.
A year later I again became pregnant. Everything was going well until I was admitted to the hospital with complications. A Pastor came to visit and asked me if it was ok if he prayed with me. Of course I said yes.
I will never forget how he prayed. He didn’t pray for me, but prayed for the baby & asking God to use him
for His glory. I didn’t know I was carrying a baby boy.Fast forward my son has been a pastor for more than 20
years & is being used of God!! To God be the glory!
I love reading your stories they always seem to hit home with me, my Husband and I was married 11 before we were Blessed with 2.Beautiful girls we tried for so long, wondering why we couldn’t have children, I don’t know why things happen like they do I just have to trust everything will be okay, I have these same 2 Daughters flying out of the country to Argentina my heart is heavy with all the recent plane accidents, but I’m trusting and praying 🙏 that God takes them there safely & brings them back home safely, having Faith takes me thru many challenges in life, but I’ll never give up on God, he is my Anchor
Losing my amazing healthy daughter to an extremely rare cancer at age 30 who literally sacrificed to bring her unborn baby girl into the world…He let us have her for 3 yrs and then took her too…do I understand? Will I ever understand? Not on this earth but I have to trust He makes no mistakes…I will trust Him….Altho it’s not a one time thing..I have to continue to trust Him and His plan over and over and over….He has a plan…and it’s about His Glory…He is our Hope!