She has a name. But in my house, she’s referred to as The-girl-who-doesn’t-like-me-and-I-don’t- know-why.
Do you have anyone in your life like that? In social situations, she steers clear of you and refuses to make eye contact. When trying to reach out, you draw back an emotional nub of rejection. You rack your brain trying to figure out what you did to make her dislike you but come up blank. She just doesn’t like you and you don’t know why.
I’ll admit, it’s easy to let the rejection weigh you down. We tend to give the one person who doesn’t like us way too much heart space in comparison to the many who do. The Bible tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5;43-45), which is wonderful instruction, and we should. But most likely you wouldn’t call this person an “enemy.” She just doesn’t like-you-and-you-don’t know-why.
I want to encourage you in a different way other than trying to figure out the remedy or the why. Let’s change our focus and think about the people who do love us rather than focusing on the ones who don’t.
Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (NIV).
In other words, think on what is the best and not the worst, the good and not the bad, the beautiful and not the ugly, the people who do love you rather than the few who don’t! Your focus will determine your feelings.
Studies show humans tend to think on the negative things in life rather than positive. The phenomenon is called negativity bias. We give negative information more weight or brain space than positive.
But we don’t have to live that way! We can choose to take those negative thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and replace them with the positive ones. When we do, we’ll be changing the way we think as it says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (NIV).
Stop right now and draw a circle on a piece of paper. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Now, draw a dot in the middle of the circle. What do you see. Most people say, “a dot in a circle.” And that is one way to look at it. But what I want you to see is all that space around the dot! That girl-who-doesn’t-like-you-and-you-don’t-know-why is the dot. The space around the dot is the other people who love you, including Jesus.
Today, let’s focus on the positive space rather than the negative dot. As Paul goes on to say in Philippians 4:9, “And the God of peace will be with you.”
Heavenly Father, thank You for giving me people in my life who love me. Help me not get stuck thinking about the few who don’t but be thankful for the ones that do. Knowing that You love me means everything. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
How do you think it changes someone’s heart to focus on the space filled with those who love them rather than the dot? Leave a comment and let’s share.
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Comments 48
It takes an individual from self focus to gratitude which in turns leads to feeling uplifted and blessed.
Author
So true.
I so agree with what you shared. An attitude of gratitude changes your altitude toward God when you take the focus off yourself and what you do not have. I once was walking the beach when younger and saw happy couples everywhere in love and happy. Feeling alone, I questioned God and asked,
“ Why can’t I have that special person too?” His response to me was, “Why don’t you be happy with what you have, instead of being consumed with what you don’t have.” At that point I could not see beyond the black dot, which was me, all self focused on what I did not have. The moment I changed my perspective I was truly rich and very loved. Mostly, God was all around me and I was surrounded with family on vacation.
Focusing on the positive people who build you up rather than the negative people who weigh you down puts our hearts in a great position to receive the love of Jesus.
John 13:35-“They will know you are My disciples by your love for each other.”
Author
Love it.
Thank you for that word today. It was much needed.
Sharon, thank you for sharing this.
Absolutely beautiful devotional!
I’d never thought about it in this way before.
Such incredible insight, Christian knowledge, and amazing ability to write so that it touches our heart bringing peace and a whole new insight!
Thank you! May God continue to bless you today and every day!
Author
Thank you,Geri. It’s a little thought change that can make a big difference.
Thank you as always, for your words of wisdom.
Thank you for all of your wonderful messages. It has Blessed me in so many ways. It’s so easy to focus on the negative and let it take over and I am working on looking more at the positive side. I couldn’t do this without God in my life and the people like you that God has blessed us with in your ministry. Thank you !
Author
Thank you, Debra.
Thank you for today’s message. It’s something I have been struggling with and this really helps.
Author
You are not alone!
When a person starts to focus on those who care for them, they can strengthen positive bonds. Others benefit in their lives by the support given to them. A chain reaction of positivity can be the result.
Thank you for this devotional today.
Great perspective! I live with negativity
daily! Praying all the scriptures that you have mentioned and for the change to come into my husband’s heart! ✝️🙏
Author
Praying you can keep thinking on Gods blessings.
Thank you Sharon. Your words on this subject are extremely beneficial ! May the Lord continue blessing you with his divine insight as you share with us.
Author
Thank yiu for being part of my devo family!
Excellent word for today! I liked the dot in the circle example. 😊 There’s a female matriarch narcissist in our small congregation with whom I could never please!! After much rejection, I cried out to the Lord and He has given me peace, comfort and wisdom in the situation. I’ve come to accept that it’s ok to ignore her and focus on what God has called me to do. I love her in Christ but have accepted that I do not in any way need or want her approval. Such freedom!!!! I spent many years trying to please people and God has set me free by filling my heart and longings with His love, acceptance, grace and peace!! Jesus is enough and I’m enough in Jesus 💗
That is absolutely wonderful! 💓Thank you so much for this new insight, Sharon! 📖✝️💜
In 2 weeks, I go back to the primary school where I work; after a great summer break.
There’s a woman there with her small group of ‘followers,’ who dislike me intensely and I don’t know why. She’s been like this since I started there over 6 years ago. 3 people have left because of her.
My husband thinks it’s because I am a Christian and it’s the spiritual battle going on.
These wonderful verses of uplifting Scripture; which are God-breathed are fantastic to focus on!
Love the dot analogy! That’s really very helpful!
Thank you for your ministry to us women who needed to hear this today! 💓✝️📖
Jesus is our ONLY hope – He is our Lord, our Saviour and our Redeemer. 💓✝️🌈
Oh Sharon….Thank you for this message. Know this all too well. God has blessed us in our new location and I must give Him glory and honor. Sadly, my ‘one’ is family. God is filling my hurting heart with a loving, praying community. ‘He will never leave or forsake me’. Praise the Name of Jesus!
This is so hard for me. The person who does not like me is my husband. Please pray for me. Pray God finds for me and surrounds me with people that do love me and care about me. People that do want to be kind to me and want the best for me.
You know Sharon, this would be a great exercise for teachers to use in the classroom or Sunday school classes….even the adult ones. It should be used at the beginning of school as a way to help the students think about others and how they can impact their lives in a bad way…for life in some cases. I can see a black dot in the middle with students putting an array of beautifully colored dots or hearts…even overlapping all in that open space. Sounds like an idea I think I will incorporate when given the opportunity.😊💜❤️💕💚💙💛❤️🩷
This is extremely difficult for me, especially when that person that doesn’t seem to like me or even want to talk or be around me is my son..
I don’t know why..
My heart breaks for his love.
Author
I know it is difficult. Adult children not speaking to parents is epidemic right now. It is the hardest.
Thank you,,,
I’m 78 and each day gets shorter but trying to be strong and believing God will bring him to Him and me,,
Bless you and all your followers
Thank you for letting God use you and your obedience to the Holy Spirit
Thank you, Sharon, for this post. I wish that God would have made it available to me 10 years ago; but I will not question His timing!
I had a ‘girl who doesn’t like me and I don’t know why’. My search to understand took many years and was the cause of some ‘heart-hurt’ and tears.
The search did not give me answers.
After weeks of prayer, in 2019, I felt the Spirit move me to write a letter to her. To ask forgiveness for any unknown action on my part, to tell her I loved her and missed her and time we had once spent together. There was no response.
I knew in my heart that God was allowing me to lay this relationship (?) down and walk away after taking that step.
But your illustration of the circle and the dot was very powerful and useful.
I still think often of the ‘girl who doesn’t like me and I don’t know why’. There will be no understanding or answers this side of Heaven and I’ve settled with this. I miss her terribly and am sad she died alone (hospital/Covid). My sister went home in 2020.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really needed to hear this. I recently had a “friend” unfriend me on Facebook. I have to admit, I was upset as I had no idea what I could have done to be unfriended. I even sent her a new friend request to see if she had unfriended me by mistake. She canceled the friend request. Yes I was hurt, but I determined that her friendship was not worth begging for. Your words helped me to see how many true friends I do have!
I like the example of the circle and the dot. I wish I had this a long time ago. I would agonize over comments, and yes it could just be one person saying something about the way I look when 15 others are saying how nice I look.
Thank you for the scripture also.
TF
Thank you
Thank you for this! I have been struggling with why they don’t like, why they stopped being a friend, etc. I have been dealing with the meanness of both women and men. I like how you showed me in this devotion how I am not alone, that this happens to others and how to embrace who does like me and who does love me. When I get lost, I will remember to circle and the dot theory.
💜🙏🏽
There is so much truth and common sense in this. We let negative feelings crowd our minds like weeds in a garden. Cultivate the plants in your garden and banish the weeds.
Wow. Words to live by indeed. So insightful Sharon. I am struck by the depth of sadness expressed here by wounded “sisters”. Sharon, you have hit upon a painful nerve that is so isolating. Whew. Deep breath. Time to stop picking at the painful scab of bewilderment and loss. Look up dear sisters, our Redeemer draws nye! You are loved, I am loved, We are Loved! Thank you for pointing out all the lovely, loving space beyond the dot!
Author
Yes, there’s a lot of pain. I pray it helps to know we are not alone.
Thank you for this devotion I once was in that position that I didn’t know what I did to this person I was losing sleep and it was all that I could think of I finally let it go but it took too long next time I will think of that dot and Philippians 4:8!! Let go and let God
OH MY GOODNESS!!! When I put that dot in the circle…………………………………..WHAT A REVELATION THAT WAS!!! Thank you!
Author
I know, right?
I myself have looked in the mirror and thinking I am the dot. I don’t like myself and I don’t know why. I have many friends and family who love me and I know that. But I don’t like who I am. I pray that God will open my heart to accept myself as he has made me that I can love me for who I am.
Sharon, thank you so much for sharing. That is so true when you look at that dot and see what blessings we have all around us. We do need to think positive not negative pray for my daughter. She needs to think more positive than negative her name is Aimee.
This is just the reminder I needed for today. Sharon, I love how the Lord uses you to make a positive impact in the lives of many.
Author
Thank you, sweet friend!
Thank you for today’s devotion. I have a neighbor who I don’t understand. I thought of her when I read today’s text. I’m so glad that you gave us an object lesson to see the situation differently. Thank you again
Thank you for this. It’s my daughter in law that just doesn’t like me. I’ve bent over backwards for her and have tried everything to please her. When I ask her a question she looks at me like I have 3 heads and then just flips her arm in the air and walks away. I’ve asked if I’ve done something to upset her but get no response. It’s been 20 years like this. Never a thank you for anything we do or give her and her husband (my son). It is hard to live like this. We don’t feel welcome in their home. If it wasn’t for the grand kids we would never go visit. Christians are not supposed to act like this. They both serve in their church and I just pray that someday she will be pricked by the holy spirit in her actions to us. Until then, I have lots of people who love me and I will cling to that.
I needed this today – thank you again!
Author
I’m so sorry. Unfortunately it’s a common tale. I think sometimes daughter-in-laws are somewhat intimidated by the “other woman” in their husband’s life.
Thank you I needed to hear this!