I like instant. I like brewed coffee in a minute or less. I like microwaved leftovers in 45 seconds or less. I like instant text, instant on-line shopping, and instant movies at the click of a button.
I’m not a fan of process but would rather have immediate results. One of my favorite words in the New Testament is “immediately.”
- “Immediately they received their sight” (Matthew 20:34).
- “Immediately the leprosy left him” (Mark 1:42).
- “Immediately her bleeding stopped” (Luke 8:44).
Sometimes, God does heal immediately, but not always. Most times, He heals through a progression of healing steps.
Whether we’re talking about someone’s healing from the results of a bad decision, healing of hurtful childhood memories, or healing from a broken heart, healing takes time.
Healing begins by recognizing that a broken heart needs mending, a busted life needs repairing, the consequences of a regrettable decision need righting.
It starts with a decision to “get well”—to set the shattered bone of contention, to lance the festering boil of bitterness, to remove the rotting soul ache of resentment, to stop metastatic memories from spreading. That’s why I am always so struck when I read Jesus’ question to the man who had been paralyzed for 38 years: “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6).
Healing always begins with a decision but often continues with a process.
Because healing is a process, it usually happens through a series of steps or decisions. It’s not a sprint, but a marathon—one with potholes, bends in the road, and a few straightaways that build momentum. A process implies movement—a progression from one step to the next.
I grew up with a world of wounds from what went on in my home. I couldn’t wait to graduate from high school and get out of that house. The problem was, when I left, I took my memories with me. I was a Christian; I loved Jesus; but I was weighed down with anger and resentment for what my parents had done and what they had not done.
My healing came over time in layers of forgiveness, stages of shedding shame, and progressively learning to see myself as God saw me. Just when I thought I was in the clear, God would reveal another closet of my heart that needed cleaning out.
When we have a physical wound, the need for attention is obvious. We sew up the cut, bind the break, bandage the burn. Then we douse the injury with medicine and wait for it to heal. Once a scar has formed or the bone has set, we know the body has repaired itself. The area may still be tender for a while, and it might take some time before we stop being mindful of it, but the wound is closed, and a healthy scar remains.
But when we are wounded emotionally, it’s not quite that straightforward. We can’t see the wound, so it often goes unattended, festering and spreading infection into our thoughts and relationships. Time does not heal all wounds, especially wounds of the heart. They may lie dormant for a season, but triggers poke them with the hot iron of remembrance that lets us know they’re still there.
So how do we begin? First, we much decide we want to get well emotionally.
Secondly, we must forgive the people who have hurt us. Forgiveness begins with a decision, but there is also a process that follows. The mind and the emotions don’t always move in tandem. Emotions tend to lag behind. Even when we make a sincere decision to forgive, it might take a while for our emotions to catch up.
Thirdly, we must forgive ourselves. This involves believing God tells the truth when we read, 1 John 1:9. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Forgiving ourselves means receiving the grace-gift God has given us.
And finally, tell someone your story of redemption. Healing peeks through the birth canal of wholeness when we tell someone our story for the first time. Once we tell how God got us through, once we use it for good (Romans 8:28) the devil can’t use it against us any longer.
Oh God, I really want to let go of this pain from the past. When triggers bring it up again, help me to remind myself that I have already let it go and placed it at Your feet. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
What is one difficult chapter that you want to be emotionally and spiritually well of today? Give it a name in the comment section below. Just by saying it, you’re on your way to healing.
Digging Deeper
Are you ready to turn your pain into purpose? Are you ready to transform your worst chapters into your greatest victories? If so, check out my book, When You Don’t Like Your Story: What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories and begin the journey today. It also includes a Bible study guide that is perfect for women’s Bible study groups!
Click here for a free guide to 6 Steps for Forgiving Others.
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Comments 35
I needed this specifically today. God is talking to me through your post.🤍
Being physically, mentally, emotionally, finacially, and sexually abused by my sister. GOD I speak these things to call them out and lay them at your feet. To free myself from the pain, the hurt, the shame. The actions of others towards me are not my burden to bear, nor is it my shame to carry. I break free from the chains of hurt, to began and continue my path to healing. In Jesus name, Amen.
Author
Amen!
Healing of wounds from family rejection & spouse’s passivity
Please do not publish….
Lord please help heal my broken heart. I believe I have forgiven my parents because I’m not really mad but my heart still hurts.
Betrayal
Divorce. I divorced my husband of 19 years for another man 27 years ago. I know God has forgiven me, but I cannot forgive myself. I’ve been spiritually marooned for too long. I’m always so good at forgiving others, I don’t understand why I’m punishing myself with unforgiveness.
I need to heal
My drinking.
Adult child abandoning parents
I want to be emotionally and spiritually well from my prior lack of personal boundaries and my desperate pursuit of marriage in my twenties and thirties.
John 8:36-“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” Amen!
HIM
Relationship with daughter
Alcoholism in my family
My father died at the age of 32 when I was 10 years old. Only recently (at age 68!), I realized I fear “abandonment” and will often sabotage relationships so as to not get too close to others, to remain independent, and self- reliant. This revelation was an “AHA” moment. Now I can understand why I remain distant and much of a loner- I’m praying God will remove this fear and tear down the walls of my heart to allow others in. This healing will take time!
Author
Praying with you!
That is always the hardest part for me…Forgiving myself. I am very critical of me.
If I can’t forgive myself, then how can God forgive me.
This is how I think.
Author
God doesn’t lie. That’s how we know He forgives us. He says He does. Isn’t that good news!
Father wounds.
Your post today is another example of God’s perfect timing! I’ve been in trauma therapy with a Christian therapist for over two years. The EMDR processing helps me process those painful events and now I take longer breaks in between scheduling appointments as I know and can see that God is healing me. Yesterday I reached out for another session as things are overwhelming me. I thank God that my husband has stayed with me through this painful but very healing journey. I’m the only one of my sisters getting help and two of them have stopped communicating with me. Also one of my closest friends in Christ shamed me for getting help saying that I was to take all thoughts captive. I told her Jesus asked me if I wanted to be healed. But God will never leave me.
Author
Dont let anyone shame you for getting help. If anyone says you just need to…they don’t understand the struggle.
My teen years. Mom was focused on her new husband and forgot about me.
Stuck in abusive narcissistic marriage that I desperately need to get out of. So I can raise my children full with love and peace. In safety.
My spouse and marriage
I want healing from the anger, bitterness, and resentment that raises its head when my children’s father doesn’t show for a visit, doesn’t keep his “promises” and I can visibly see how his actions affect my children creating more harm and heartache. Then I have to try to navigate the repercussions knowing my children’s behaviors are a result of them hurting but I I can’t dismiss them. I still have to to discipline and correct them.
Dear Sharon,
This was so good today and what my wounded heart needed to hear. I’m still struggling with hurts from my parents and my past. I’m trying to forgive them. But I’ve found those hurts are surfacing in new relationships and I don’t like it. I don’t like my reactions and I’m struggling with how God sees me and how I see myself and I don’t always believe how God sees me. How can I grow and see and believe more of HOW God sees me? Please help. Prayers are really appreciated. thank you
Author
I really think my book, Enough:Silencing the lies that steal your confidence would help. You can do it!
Past hurts by family & co-workers! God’s got me. Amen!
I don’t even know the exact things to forgive . Maybe just say something general like unconcerned unprotected… idk . It’s easier now that one is dead which is a bit surprising.
30 plus years of hoping, wishing on something/someone that doesn’t want me or the same thing.
Austin.
Myself- for choosing to stay in the abuse, thinking I could change him, instead of being obedient to God.
I hadn’t seen my brother for over 20 years. I haven’t really talked to him much for the past 50 years. He was a “wild child” in the late 60’s and early 70’s and ran away from home when he was 16. That was a relief for me after years of abuse directed at me. I didn’t really how much my “hatred” was affecting me. I couldn’t get to that spot of “indifference” that goes with the saying, “Indifference is further from love than hate”. In June, I went to visit my brother at the VA nursing home in the Bronx along with my adult son and his wife. We had a lovely visit and didn’t get into the weeds from our childhood. Looking back, I realize how difficult my alcoholic father, my unhappy mother, and constant moving from job to job had affected him in such a negative way. He had healed himself through his Mormon faith years ago but still had lots of scars. We all do…but working through your “process” above is a great outline…and I am already working on step 3…forgiving myself.
Infidelity
Also, past hurts by family. Current hurts as well. Yes, forgiveness is what we all should do when someone hurts us, but emotionally it does take time. Healing is not quick, doesn’t happen overnight. I’m trusting God in the waiting. I’ve forgiven a family member for the hurt he’s done, and tried to start over multiple times again. He continues to hurt me emotionally. Everything will be good for awhile, but he keeps bringing up my past that I’ve already asked forgiveness from him before and from God. Sometimes it’s best to forgive and love from a distance. God knows my heart, and he knows I wish things were different. All I can do is pray that God’s will be done, and lay it at the foot of the cross and leave it there!!
This was just what I needed to hear today. I am beginning to heal at 70 years old of emotional scars from having alcoholic parents. I no longer blame them and am learning to forgive myself for some poor choices I’ve made in my life trying to gain love and acceptance in other ways. Praise God that He never gives up on us and stays close to the brokenhearted! Thank you for your insights, Sharon, and for using the gifts God has given you to reach out and help His broken people.