How to Melt a Cold Shoulder

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and I know for a lot of women, it’s a tough day.

If you’re single, you might be sick of seeing red and pink hearts at every turn. I get it. I really do. One more week and it will all be over.

There are also a lot of married women that can’t wait for the day to be over. Maybe you’re one of those. Maybe you’re a little bit mad at your husband right now, and the thought of celebrating your love seems almost impossible.

It’s really difficult to feel romantic with your man when you’re mad at him or disappointed in him. It’s almost impossible to feel like giving him a big hug when you have anger, bitterness, and resentment in your heart.

The solution to melting the cold shoulder and cold heart begins with forgiveness. Ouch! I just had to go there.

C.S. Lewis said this about forgiveness:

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

And there it is.

Paul said it this way: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 ESV). 

Lewis also wrote, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.” I wholeheartedly agree. Forgiveness can be especially difficult when the one who hurt you is the man who promised to love and cherish you all the days of your life. But what is more difficult is to have a strong marriage without forgiveness.

In no way does forgiveness mean turning a blind eye to a problem that needs attention.

Pornography, alcoholism, drug abuse, and a plethora of other addictions must be addressed and dealt with for any marriage to survive and thrive. A wife is not doing her husband any favors by allowing such behavior to continue.

To ignore such behavior is to enable sin to continue and deposit droplets of poison into a man’s soul. However, keeping a record of wrongs is like allowing termites to destroy the foundation of the marriage.

I recently received an email from a woman who was still bitter over a statement her husband made to her cousin ten years ago. She and her husband were preparing to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, and she was dreading it because of his careless words a decade ago. She wrote, “Please pray that God mends this title piece of my heart that has fallen to the ground.”

The word title was a typo—she meant to type little. To me, it was telling. Friend, we can allow our husband’s little shortcomings to become the title of our story, or we can forgive and write a new storyline.

The first step to forgiveness is prayer. The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies. I hope your husband is never your enemy, but I can assure you, on some days he may feel like it. So let’s follow God’s instruction and pray for him. It may not turn your husband’s hardened heart to putty in your hands, but it will melt the hardness of resentment in your own.

And maybe…just maybe…it will make this Valentine’s Day a bit better.

Here’s prayer to consider…

Lord, sometimes I get so mad at my husband. But to be honest, I know he gets mad at me too. Help me not to expect perfection, but give affection. Help me to forgive him when he hurts my feelings, just as I pray he will forgive me for hurting his. Help us both to forgive as You have forgiven us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Today’s blog was adapted from my book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage. Click here for a fun video sure to make you smile! I’m offering a special Valentine’s Marriage Bundle with discounts on four of my favorite marriage resources from February 1-16, so click on over! Let’s make 2018 a year to strengthen our marriages and pray for our men.