Have you ever held a grudge? That’s a silly question. I think we all have. I remember when Nancy Davis asked the boy I had my eye on to the high school dance. Can we all say G-r-u-d-g-e with an extra grrrr?
Esau, now that’s a biblical character who held a grudge…and rightly so. His brother Jacob and his momma grabbed the pen right out of God’s hand, as if God needed help writing their story. While Esau’s mother, Rebekah, was pregnant, God told her:
Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger. (Genesis 25:23)
Rebekah did indeed give birth to two very unidentical twin brothers—hairy Esau and smooth Jacob. The name Jacob means “heel grabber” or “trickster.” The boys wrestled in the womb and Jacob, though born second, came out hanging onto his older brother’s heel. That might have been a fun story to tell at a party if Jacob hadn’t continued to try to gain one-upmanship on Esau.
Years later, Jacob stole Esau’s blessing and inheritance from their nearly blind father.
“Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, ‘The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob’” (Genesis 27:41).
The Hebrew word translated “grudge” means to cherish animosity against. I doubt many would admit that they cherish the hate they have toward another, but it’s easy to do. You take care of what you cherish. Dust it off. Shine it up. Hold it dear. Unforgiveness sits on the shelf of the heart, as a beloved trophy.
For the next twenty-one years, Jacob hid from his angry brother as a fugitive in Haran. Finally, he decided he really wanted to go home. There was just one problem—Esau, who had vowed to kill him.
However, when Jacob came face-to-face with what he feared most, a teary-eyed Esau embraced his brother and wept. Just the night before, Jacob had been preparing for the worst, but was met with Esau’s best. Esau embraced his brother, offering forgiveness and inviting reconciliation.
Jacob said to Esau, “To see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably” (Genesis 33:10).
Seeing forgiveness face-to-face is like seeing the face of God. Isn’t that a beautiful image? If we were sitting together sharing a cup of coffee, I’d want to chat long about that. Can you think of a time when someone forgave you and it felt as if you were looking into the face of God? I have.
We are never more like God than when we forgive.
God changed Jacob’s name, which means “trickster,” to Israel, which means “triumphant with God.” Jacob’s worst chapter became his greatest victory, and it all began with forgiveness.
I still remember Nancy Davis’s name. But I forgot all about the “offense” as soon as some other boy caught my eye. Today, let’s let Jesus catch our eye, and drop all those offenses we’ve been hanging onto for far too long.
Heavenly Father, I want to reflect Your glory. When people look at me, I want them to see the reflection of Your love and not the reflection of pent up grudges. Help me to let go of grudges and take hold of grace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Can you think of any grudge that you have been holding onto for a long time or even a few days? What do you think God is telling you to do with that grudge?
Digging Deeper
What if your worst chapters could become your greatest victories? I know that they can!
Many of us feel broken. Our mistakes, the pain others have caused us, and circumstances outside our control taunt us every day, though we long to turn a new page. My book, When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories, challenges us to ask: What if God doesn’t want us to rip out our difficult stories but repurpose them for good?
What has been done to you and what has been done through you does not disqualify you from God’s best for your life. It qualifies you for an even greater purpose than you would have ever known without it. In fact, the worst parts of your story might just be what God uses the most. So sink deep into God’s life-changing truths. The next chapter is just beginning. Includes an in-depth Bible study for individuals and groups.
Comments 14
This is such a great book. I did it as a study with some ladies at church and we all got such good wisdom from it.
Thank you Sharon for your discernment in using your sorrows and your gifts to bless others. I am a huge fan.
Author
Thank you!
Great!+
God I will let go of the grudges and forgive as you so freely forgive me.
Gracias por compartir. Se que muchos aspectos en mi deben cambiar, mi esposo y yo volvimos después de un divorcio. Yo lo perdone el a mi. Siguen brotando enojos de cosas del pasado. El se divorcio de mi. Me fue infiel, nos abandono. El Dios poderoso restauró, levantó, aún no nos volvemos a casar. Eso me lástima, sigo orando a Dios porque él se entregué completamente a Dios su corazón sea para el. Así mis hijos terminan de aferrarse a Dios también.
Thank you, Sharon, for this post on grudges. When someone seeks forgiveness from the same offense over and over again, I have found myself muttering, “I forgive you.” But I have lost trust and any desire to reconcile, because there’s no repentance. I know forgiveness is a one person deal, between me and God, actually. I have given up hope that this person will ever repent, and yet expects that I will stay in the relationship that is so tattered and torn because of these verbal, emotional and spiritual abuses. I want to end any interaction with this person. I am so worn, tired, disillusioned and weary of this (many years), even after countless hours and thousands of dollars of counseling with no lasting change in behavior.
So how do I offer genuine forgiveness, and really feel it in my heart, knowing I will be right back there again in a matter of days?
Thank you, Sharon.
Hi Kathy,
I am experiencing the same situation. My person is a self admitted narcissist and all who know him, take his side, either out of fear or business dealings. It is extremely frustrating to live this way. I feel that true reconciliation has to be an effort on all involved to move forward. In any event, I have forgiven him as I do believe he is being held captive by the enemy and pray for God to work a miracle. Worldly I am often poked by something that is meant to derail me where this is all concerned. I continue to pray that I am pleasing in the eyes of God as that’s my biggest desire.
I will pray for you as I know just how hopeless it all feels.
Kathy,
I understand what you are saying, and am at the crossroads of what to say or do around certain people who just don’t accept forgiveness. I have found myself just staying away from these people because they never repent or ask or accept forgiveness. I would love to know what to do or say to them. My own sister has said she can’t forgive anyone that has hurt her and if you don’t say what she wants to hear she will tell you off. All I know to do is pray. So glad I read your post, I’m not only one needing understanding.
Anita
Hi Kathy,
I have a related experience with people close to me who do not want to change. That’s what unrepentance boils down to. I spent years waiting for love, repentance, and reconciliation so that we could move forward and actually build the relationships with no success. In fact for all intents and purposes, those relationships ended.
But I have found in the ashes that turning to God with my pain and the hopelessness of dead relationships does give Him room to work healing in my life and in theirs. God has taught me a lot about time and surrender through these circumstances. I want pain and brokenness healed now, and I want people to respond to me. But I have learned that in these situations, it is actually much better for me to accept things as they are, back off, create boundaries so that they can’t hurt me on a continuing basis, and put them in God’s hands while personally working at responding to them in love when approached. Repaying evil with good, and leaning on God to do so. We are responsible for how we act (godliness) , not the results (potential rejection). God is so much better at working in corrupt hearts than we are. And sometimes, over time, the work that God does in that person’s life brings surprising results.
A helpful Biblical example is David, a flawed man but a man after God’s own heart. Who had to deal with a lot of messy relationships. Who demonstrated what it’s like to repay evil with good to someone who never relented or repented. David did not depend upon Saul in order to be ok. He focused on serving God. No matter the outcome. And demonstrated how to submit to God when he failed in his devotion.
Slogging through difficult relationships is especially painful. Have compassion and grace on yourself and receive them from God in order to extend the overflow to others. Focus on pursuing God to work the fruits of the Spirit in your life so that you can respond well, with courage and strength instead of bitterness and spite.
May God’s leading and protection cover, nourish, and grow you in this long battle. Praying for you and cheering you on.
Such a worthy and worthwhile response. This has reminded me of who and how God wishes us to be. I have written this down and will read over to remind me- especially when times get tough. You’re an excellent teacher! Thank you for sharing these important helpful words. Blessings. Paula
I feel similar to Kathy T. above. I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was a child and it has lingered with me all of my life. I still lock bathroom doors to this day. He was in a different town so it was “only” when we were visiting them. He died before I was able to ever talk with him about it; which I doubt I would have ever done because of my Aunt and cousins… I have tried to forgive him but the pain still lingers and I am still angry at him for the long-time effect it has had. Every time I hear a sermon on forgiveness or read anything on forgiveness or have discussions on forgiveness, the memories return as well as the anger. It is hard. Please pray…
For some reason, I am thinking you know Gwen Smith, who is also a speaker and author. She and I go to the same church and sing together on Worship Team sometime. Am I correct?
Blessings, Alice H
I had a sister-in law that kept me from seeing my brother for the last 2 years of his life. He had Parkinson’s and she would always told me he did not want anybody to see him like this I only got to talk to him on the phone on his birthday. I would text her every other day asking her if I could come for a visit or at least talk to him on the phone, she would always have the same response, he doesn’t want to see anybody today. But if her family was in tow, that got to come over and see him. I was called the night before he passed away, if you want to see you brother you better come tomorrow, not today but tomorrow. And when I did get to see him, he was completely out of it. But I went into his room and took his hand and told him I loved him, and wished I could have been there for him, and he opened his eyes and looked at me. That is when I knew it was not his decision to not see his family it was her. Up until my husband had a heart attack my brother his wife and me and my husband would go out to eat at least once a week. That is when it all started, and she was never a loving sister-in-law, she always would blame us for anything that did not suit her. he was not even able to see his mother until she was on her death bed. There were many days my mom would cry to see him, but it would not happen, even if she knew mother wanted to see him. i could go on and on but I want. This is very hard, and I have tried to forgive her, but her attitude is so bad. She now wants nothing to do with us. But when we sell mom’s house, she wants my brother’s share. What and how I don’t understand. She is a Christian, but sometimes I know I shouldn’t question it. I have always been nice to her and went along with everything she wanted. I thanked for taking care of my brother and she told me, you don’t have to thank me, he was my husband, really, she does not know how to be thankful for anything. Sorry I will stop now.
❤️
Thank you again, for this great message Sharon,
When we do not have an act of forgiveness it weighs us down and causes physical pain. Forgiveness is so freeing!! We are so blessed!!!