I watched my friend, Patricia, struggle through more than twenty years of a difficult marriage. Her husband left three times during the two decades—once before their three children were born, and twice after. They lived through nineteen different homes in multiple cities, revolving jobs, rumored affairs, cycles of financial plenty followed by financial deficiency. Eventually, after twenty-three years, Rodney packed his bags for the last time and left. The divorce was final the following year. That long chapter was over.
I don’t like to struggle, and I don’t like to see my friends struggle. I like for life to be easy. I want all my friends to love me all the time, I want my husband to agree with my every decision, I want my bosses to think every idea is brilliant, and I want God to answer my every prayer with a checkmark.
But in truth, deep down I know that an easy life will never produce a strong woman who trusts God with all her heart…and that’s who I really want to be.
Matthew 14:22-33 tells us about one night when Jesus was praying on a mountain side while His disciples were sailing on the Sea of Galilee. He looked down and saw the disciples were straining with the oars, struggling with the wind, and bailing water over the edge. But He wasn’t worried.
Jesus calmly walked on the water, got into the boat, and commanded the winds and the waves to settle down. And they obeyed. And the disciples were amazed.
Jesus could have simply spoken to the wind and waves from the mountaintop. After all, He was already talking with His Father. But He didn’t. He allowed the disciples to struggle. More important than relieving their staining was strengthening their faith. They needed to know who He was, not just what He did. If He had stopped the struggle while they were in the middle of it, they might have never known that He was the One who controls it all. “Then the disciples worshiped him. ‘You really are the Son of God!’ they exclaimed.” (Matthew 14:33 NLT)
James wrote: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:2-4 NIV). I wonder what life would be like if I truly did consider trials pure joy?
One day I asked Patricia if she regretted marrying her ex-husband, and her answer was stunningly beautiful. “If I had not married him, I would not have the strong faith that I have today. If life had been easy, I think I would have a flabby faith that could maybe quote Scripture but not necessarily believe it. I would have grown spiritually sloppy rather than spiritually strong.
“Because I had to depend on God to provide for me and my children, especially emotionally, I know God as my Provider. Because I had to depend on God’s love for me when I didn’t get it from my husband, I know the depths of His love for me. Because I had to stand on God’s Word when the world around me was falling apart, I know the Rock on which my feet are planted. Had I not gone through those difficult years, I would not have the trust in God that I have today. He gives me life. He is my life.”
Patricia is my hero.
We’ve all been hurt by life and struggled in some form or fashion; no one is immune to suffering. But rather than view the pain as our burden to bear, what if we considered it a gift for growing? Healing on the other side of heartbreak is not simply returning to how we were before the rending but becoming better than we would have been without it—someone stronger, someone wiser, someone gentler. And that’s something we all want.
Father, thank You for the struggles that have made me stronger. I know there are so many lessons I would have never learned in comfort and ease. Help me look for the lessons in the hardships of life and grow in the grace You give. In Jesus’ Name, amen.
What is one struggle that has made you strong? Click comment and let’s share.
Digging Deeper
This story first appeared in When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories. We’ve all got parts of our stories that we’d like to tear out or mark out of the narrative. I’ve got them. You’ve got them. But what if your worst chapters could become your greatest victories? What if the worst parts could become the most powerful tools that God uses in the life of others? I know they can. Check out my book, When You Don’t Like Your Story, and let’s learn how together!
Part of having a better story is forgiving those who have hurt us. Click here for a FREE Guide to Forgiveness
Comments 42
My husband has anger issues that got him to a point where he began verbally abusing me. I had to confront him on that, but he refuses to confess and repent of the anger and abusing God’s Holy Name.
Nancy, Psalm 27:1 says
the Lord is the DEFENSE of my life…
He is teaching me to let Him defend when someone is stubborn to the Truth, He really will do it. Not necessarily immediately but overtime as I pray this and claim it as my heritage, I see Him work and move and also humble me in the process. I can’t encourage you enough to call this verse to mind and also to hold your peace “without a word” (2 Peter 3:1) if your husband is not obeying the scriptures..
For me it would definitely be the break down of my marriage if I hadn’t had God by my side i honesty don’t think I would have got through it the dark night of my soul is an understatement, I had to learn to not be co-dependent on a man to make me happy but God as he is the only one who can bring true happiness, if i hadn’t gone through this trial i would have never become the Woman I am today
Amen.
My husband has anger issues that got him to a point where he began verbally abusing me. I had to confront him on that, but he refuses to confess and repent of the anger and abusing God’s Holy Name.
in 1988, when I was married to my ex-husband he was in the military, we had 2 little girls, they were in girl scouts, things happened that were very unexpected, Scott was arrested, court happened, etc. I found myself a single parent, for a time, and the good Lord very clearly told me to stay with Scott, and I did, I found out just how much the Lord loved and protected the girls and I through this time of unexpected changes. I stayed with Scott for another 5 years, and then I couldn’t anymore and told the Lord so, a divorce happened, the girls are grown, with kids of their own, I grew up a lot during this time.
Your friend Patricia could be me- not quite the horrendous marriage she had, but my faith & trust in God magnified after he left me. And my faith has been growing ever since. It hurts so badly going through it, but God truly knows what He is doing.
My past struggles with anxiety, depression, and low self-worth have made me strong in the Lord.
2 Corinthians 12:9-“My grace is sufficient, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
Ephesians 6:10-“Finally, be strong in the Lord and the power of His might.”
Thank you for the clear message on the blessings of struggling. I have had more than my share of heartache in life, beginning in 1988 when I lost my 16-year old son in an accident, and in 2016 when I lost my 46-year old son to heart cancer. In this time of my life I’m struggling with my husband who has critical health issues, along with and dementia. These struggles have made me stronger in my faith and in my love for Jesus. I have found He is everything I need for whatever need I have. I recently published my first devotional book, “Your Need God’s Provision,” a 365-day devotional of testimonies on how God is all you need for whatever you are going through. Thank you for your remarkable devotions. I love reading them.
My anxiety disorder, while it has challenged my faith, it has kept me reaching for Christ in any and every way I can. If I didn’t have this preordained disorder, I, too would probably have had a flabby faith.
I always know who God was , but I didn’t really get to know Him until I became a single parent coming out of an abusive relationship. At that point, I said “Lord, if you’re real, come now. I can’t do this alone.” He heard me. He came. He was waiting for me to seek Him & I’ve been walking with Him for the last 40 years.
Thank you so much for this story. I’m struggling with heartbreak right now. This story is exactly what I needed.
I always knew there was a God , but I didn’t really get to know Him until I became a single parent coming out of an abusive relationship. At that point, I said “Lord, if you’re real, come now. I can’t do this alone.” He heard me. He came. He was waiting for me to seek Him & I’ve been walking with Him for the last 40 years.
Hits so close to home. I’m struggling in a difficult marriage and have often felt so hopeless. Thank you.
I have had several heartbreaks – many that happened while I worked in ministry. My daughter left home at 17, returning at 18 expecting a child that her boyfriend wanted her to abort. Jesus intervened & that beautuful granddaughter will be 20 this year. My daughter met & married a wonderful man & they are now walking with the Lord. My younger son lost his marriage,,his career & everything else due to drug addiction. But after 4 years on the streets, he is housed, in recovery and has not lost his faith. My husband of 40 years asked for a divorce & left me. I was despondent & felt abandoned by God. But….he is faithful!!! I married a wonderful man who walks with Jesus and we have built a wonderful life together. He is good! Even when all seems lost, He will carry you, and give you the opportunity to share His love & mercy with others. His mercies are new every morning.
Lorri, your story ministered to my heart so much! I have a daughter who is not walking with the Lord and she is using drugs. I don’t know where she is but God knows. I’m trusting Him to draw her to Himself. Your story encouraged my faith. I just want to hug you! God is good no matter the circumstances and His word is true. He has confirmed several prayers as I go about my day so I know He is working on my daughter. He will never leave us nor forsake us. I’ve trusted Him like never before. This season has definitely grown my faith and trust in God. Jesus came to set the oppressed free. He did it for me, I’m believing He will do it for my family too! Praise God!
I do feel the gentleness and empathy that comes from suffering. I have grown in patience and am learning to trust more in God through this. Thank you.
What a beautiful message ❤️ This is exactly what I needed today. I am going to college on-line earning my Bachelors while we are raising a family and working full-time. The stress of all of it has gotten the best of me. I feel overwhelmed. Reading your message today tells me that God has me and He is taking care of me. Thank you Sharon 😊
I have not had an easy marriage over the years. When I’m in the thick of the hard days with my husband–it’ so difficult. But I am thinking that these hardships have made me cling more to god. Rely on Him more
Thank you for this devotional! It came at a perfect time. Thank you for all you do! God bless you!
Amen! Me too sister. I’m in the middle of some hardships with my husband. I’m alone here with our 2 small kids and it’s brought me so close to the Lord! I know He will get His glory and bring about restoration for us all
Thank you Lord. You were always there when I needed you.
My biggest struggle that led to have the faith I do today was being diagnosed with a benign rare brain tumor in Nov. 2019. The healing physically and emotionally after a 12 hour brain surgery in Jan if 2020, only happened bc of Gods grace.
My husband was not a believer when I married him. He went through combat in the first years of our marriage and came back damaged, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He used to apologize and tell me I should have married “a dentist” (that was his picture of someone normal). I always told him that had i done that, I would have been a shallow person, loving others on the surface, but without the depths needed to make a difference in life. In year 36, he gave his life to Jesus and was baptized. Throughout all the years, Jesus was my constant companion and strength. I really did learn to “count it all joy”. I found that as we take God at his word, amazing things happen. Growth, healing, faith. I’ve always known that the harder the enemy is fighting, the closer to victory we are. Amen, Jesus! You’ve got this!!
The battle I’ve been having for the past 28 months is a spiritual battle against delusion. My husband of 33 years is being romance scammed and is convinced he’s in an online relationship with Emma Watson. At first it was a bathing suit model from Miami named Cindy Prado. 6 months later he “dropped” her and started up with Emma Watson, the actress from the Harry Potter movie series. He is choosing to live in delusion rather than reality. He sends the scammers his disability checks and any other money he can borrow from local finance companies, family and friends and even strangers. Along with this I have been a caretaker for my 96-year old mother since she was 90. She just passed away from dementia 2.5 months ago. She was my mama and best friend and I’ve been her side kick all her life. I have so many fond memories that God has blessed me with. But going thru both delusion and dementia, I would cry out to God multiple times a week if not daily asking why me, why my life was crumbling apart, what have I done, and how am I suppose to handle these things. He lovingly and graciously pulled me closer to Him. He never left me but I never heard a clear answer. So through continued Bible study, continuing to stay involved with Sunday school, church and missions, Godly friends from church coming alongside me and praying for me, listening and reading to christian music and books, and continuing to keep my heart and mind focused and filled with Jesus, it’s been and still is a daily emotional toll and I wonder if there is anything of “me” left inside my body. But I am surviving, by God’s grace and mercy. It’s a day by day journey and evidently God isn’t finished with me yet because while my mother is now worshipping and praising Jesus in heaven, my husband says he wants a divorce so he can marry “Emma”. This is my struggle. This is my daily prayer, among other things, that His will be done, not mine; that He would continue to shape me and mold me into being more like Him; and that He would remove the scales of blindness from my husbands eyes because I still have hope that He can restore my husband and our marriage.
After 10 years of waiting for my husband to get on his knees and beg forgiveness for actions due to his sex addiction and the bitterness, desire for revenge, relapses, etc. I wanted out. After 50, yes 50 years of marriage (40 years before discovering his addiction that began before we were married, a secret life he maintained) I was ready to see a lawyer. God delivered a miracle and I changed. Almost suddenly. It didn’t happen even after I read your book about not liking my story. It happened after 10 years finally giving control to God. I couldn’t change him or make him change. But we have both changed. Am I cautious with my feelings the addiction could raise it’s ugly head again? Yes. But God is giving me wisdom and strength.
I must say one of my worst struggles was being homeless for about two years even though I had a job I was sleeping in my car. I struggled with health issues, job and family issues during the whole time. It was very hard wen it was cold and when it was hot. I was able to shower at my job everyday . I had been praying for my own place and was about to give up. God sent me to one place and I didn’t like it when I was driving there and almost turned around but when I got there I loved it and he gave me the approval of the exact kind of place I prayed for. I’m so grateful for God’s Love towards me. Even through all that I still continued to praise him. He’ll never fail. Amen and Thank God!!!
Thank you so much for this post! For me, it not only brings to the forefront what I have personally experienced and know to be true, but also serves as a great reminder to me of how to appropriately love my adult daughters as they go through their considerable trials. My mama heart has a tendency to want to try and make it all better for those I love asap, but here Jesus shows a better way. I appreciate the way you have helped me see that afresh.
Test are a part of life and cannot be escaped!!Tests, trials and struggles have given me the art to speak scriptures and positive affirmations until I see the intended or desired results!!
The challenges I have faced were so bittersweet…bitter because of the seemingly never ending emotional roller coaster between hope and anguish that things will ever get better, and sweet because I truly learned how to lean on God and discovered what it meant to be carried in his loving arms…My husband suffered a brain injury in 2012 that took him out of work for 6 months and turned him into an angry shell of the formerly loving man I married. In the years following, I was so lonely in our marriage because he was so unapproachable most of the time, with occasional tiny glimmers of hope when he would have a good emotional day. Our children were young enough to not remember much and it was a very hard choice whether to stay with him or leave. I prayed hard through many sleepless nights about what I should do and felt God telling me to stand firm, but it was so hard. The only thing that kept me going was knowing how loved I am by Christ and how much my children needed stability alongside the support of two cherished faith-sisters who prayed with and over me every week. Fast forward to 2017, and my husband developed PTSD from a bad vehicle rescue (he was a firefighter) and he went on to have an affair with a (now former) friend of mine. Again I cried out to God, feeling like I was at the end of what I could handle. This time I actually heard God telling me to stay with my husband, that there was good yet to come from all the pain of betrayal and loneliness that I was feeling. It was at this time I started going to a Christian Counsellor who helped me process everything we had been through and I learned that I needed to let go of the illusion that I could control any part of our future and to surrender my whole self fully to God. Almost overnight my perspective changed and embracing God’s love for me started healing my wounded heart and started me on the journey of forgiving. I also realized that my approach to interacting with my husband needed to change and I started praying that Jesus would speak through me with love instead of criticism. The affair ended and still God told me to stay and fight on my knees in prayer for our relationship and keep surrendering to him. In 2022, an especially rough argument between my husband and our eighteen year old daughter led to her deciding to leave home. My heart broke for her but I drove her to a friend’s home and prayed like I never had before. It was this event that turned him around a corner and he finally agreed to see a couples Counsellor with me, where he admitted that he needed help to deal with the PTSD and break through the cycle of anger and verbal abuse to me he had been stuck in for 10 years. Little by little his heart softened and he started to trust in God again. Our relationship isn’t perfect but I can truly say we are in a good place now, thanks to the faithfulness of Jesus walking beside us everyday. We both now put God first in our heart and have been able to share parts of our story with people around us to encourage them to hang on. I would certainly have had a flabby faith if I hadn’t gone through all of this, and as hard as it was, I saw the reality of God’s love break through and change my husband’s hardened heart and I am grateful to have come through it with the knowledge that Jesus’ strength will always hold me up when I can’t stand on my own.
I have been so encouraged reading your devotional, Sharon and reading the comments. One struggle that has made me stronger is my struggle with health issues. Depression has been part of my story, long Covid, and fatigue.
When the Lord enables me to get up in the morning and praise Him, it strengthens me. Cheers to strong, resilient women!
I’d love to have Patricia as my neighbor! We would most likely set our neighborhood on fire for Jesus!
What I had to learn quickly after my first marriage was to TRUST GOD with all my heart. It was hard, but I did. Whew!! Now the peace of Jesus rules and reigns in my heart!
So many struggles, from divorce from a cheating spouse who left my 4 yr. Old daughter and I to brave the world on our own to the financial struggles then to marry again many years later to a spouse who is emotionally and financially abusive to pancreatic cancer to kidney failure and dialysis. Oh I know struggle and disappointment. But God has NEVER left me and has strengthened my resolve daily.
I have struggled with my faith and turned my back on God. I found out in 2016 that my beloved husband of 33 years had molested 2 of my granddaughters when they were around 10. My oldest granddaughter came forward after 18 years. This accusation and his admitting it destroyed my life. I had no clue this was going on or that he could have done such an evil destructive thing to these 2 babies. He sang in the choir, was a deacon, taught Sunday School, sang specials and was looked up to by all who knew him. He was truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He was a cherished member of my family and adored by the people he worked with. I thought he was an answer to my prayers coming out of a 17 year physically abusive marriage. I had prayed for a Christian husband and just knew God had put him in my life for a reason. He is now serving a sentence of 10 years in a state penitentiary. He will be 80 when he is released. Why this deceit was part of my life left me with so many questions and a loss of my trust in Gods goodness. I have recently met a gentleman that is a Christian. I am 76 yr old. I am looking back and asking God’s forgiveness for my lack of faith and trust. I truly believe that I can see His steadfastness and grace in always being there even as I turned my face away. I am now feeling the warmth of His redemption and love. Sometimes it’s so easy to allow questions and pain to fill the place that should hold our love of Jesus. I hope if there are any others in a similar situation that they can find comfort in knowing that Jesus truly loves us and offers comfort if we let Him in. God Bless.
Even though Father I wonder where you are sometimes, eventually, I realize I have been in Your Presence all along. Forgive me for doubting You. Help me with my unbelief. Thank You Abba Father. Jesus is Lord! Thank You for son. Help me obey You. Thank Uou Lord! Gal 5:25.
I struggled with chronic depression. It was almost debilitating at times. I finally reached the end. I couldn’t live like that anymore so I attempted to take my life. God was with me then, even in my darkest moments. He didn’t let me die, and out of that final struggle, He cured my depression! He gave me joy that I had never known before. Praise Him!
My spiritual walk with God has definitely been a journey! I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 13 yo…I am 71 now and have had many trials and tribulations!
From a marriage breaking up after 12 yrs (because of his drug addiction) to being a single mom of 3. In my 50’s taking care of a mother with Alzheimer’s to a mom of a drug addict son. Oh yes my faith has grown over the years, I’m praising my Savior all the day long!
🙏✝️
This story from the book of Matthew has been resonating to me ever since, with my family being new migrants in a country. Everything is a struggle as we make a lot of big adjustments and face the unknown, financially and emotionally. One time when I was walking on my way to work, God reminded me of this story and I couldn’t help but shed a tear because it made me realize how entirely dependent we are on God right now. And I was reminded how Jesus commanded the winds to fade in that story and it was just so powerful my mind had trouble comprehending it but my heart knows. God puts us in these difficult situations so that we’ll see His power work its way throughout our lives.
My husband was on Neuro X Treatment for Alzheimer’s disease from Uine Health Centre for 6 months. The treatment relieved symptoms significantly, even better than the medications I was given. Reach them at uinehealth centre . c om
Hello Sharon,
Another great message!
Working thru Trials and tribulations in the end results will be breakthrough, as long as we do not give up! Fight the good faith, it’s the measure of faith that gets us through. We are so blessed!!!
I cant really think of an extended time when I didnt have a difficulty. Yes there are “moments” but seem fleeting. I dont know where these seasons are going. But I will continue to follow and draw as near to God possible. Thank you to EVERYONE who has shared and to you Sharon for bringing hope and the reminder thatGod has a plan for my future!!!❤️
I am walking through the hardest journey right now. The loss of our only daughter. She was a missionary in Dominican Republic. Right in the center of God’s Will. She went to bed and never woke up. She had a pulmonary thromboembolism at 38 years old. I know that previous losses and struggles have grown me for such a time as this. Even in the hardest of times God is still good! He is my good and faithful Father. He will continue to carry me and grow me through this hard journey. To God be all the glory!
Thank you Sharon for this post, I needed to see and hear this. I have been through 2 marriages both had some mental health issues and one was verbally abusive. After reading some of these posts I have been wondering if I did the correct thing leaving my last marriage !?
I do know each of my ex husbands have not changed their ways and I have since met a wonderful Christian man who treats me well. I am choosing to accept that God has brought me through some difficult situations and embracing your friend Patricia’s thoughts about God, he gave me strength and brought me through the storms to strengthen my faith and to love and rely on him more