Shame Off You!

Sharon JaynesIdentity in Christ, Living Free, Living Fully, When You Don't Like Your Story 100 Comments

I remember as a little girl, hiding under the covers of my bed, trying to shut out my parents’ yelling and screaming in the next room. I heard bad words. I didn’t know what some of them meant, but I did know how they made me feel. Dirty. The next morning, I awoke to the aftermath of the night’s tirade—Mom’s black eye, Dad’s crying remorse, furniture tossed and broken—and those bad words bouncing around my little-girl head.

Nevertheless, I was expected to put on my school clothes, brush my hair, eat my cereal, brush my teeth, and sit in class with my little friends as if nothing had happened the night before. The shame of what I’d seen and heard clung to me like the stink of a Friday night fish fry. Maybe no one else could smell it, but I sure did.

Never once did I wonder what went on in anyone else’s home. I was sure it couldn’t be as bad as mine. Shame wrapped its talons around my neck and squeezed. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I felt I was wrong. My family was all wrong. And I suffered in silence.

Whether it attacks a curly-headed first-grader sitting at her desk, or an eighty-year-old woman sitting in a church pew with her friends, shame is a universal destroyer of destinies, dignity, and callings. It whispers, You’re the only one. No one is as bad as you. If they only knew. Shame keeps its victims silent.

Where did shame come from? It came from the Garden in Genesis 3. The writer of Genesis wrote about Adam and Eve on the dawn of their creation, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (2:25). The biblical writer could have used a variety of words to describe what Adam and Eve did not feel. They felt no fear, no hunger, no anxiety, no thirst, no loneliness, no lack. But the writer chose the word shame. It’s a significant choice as it foreshadows what happened next.

After they disobeyed God in Genesis 3, they felt shame for the first time. “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves” (3:6–7). The Hebrew word for shame is bosh, which means to be “utterly dejected and to be ashamed in front of one another.” That’s what they felt. Maybe you’ve felt it, too.

But the Bible tells us that because of the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, and our decision to follow Him, we never need to live under the shadow of shame again. His blood is the cure for the infection of Eden.

The Bible gives us this promise: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Guess what “all” means in that verse? All means all and that’s all all means.

When we confess our sin, the next step is to believe God tells the truth about removing the reason for the shame. God says, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgression, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more” (Isaiah 43:25). Do you believe God tells the truth—that you are completely forgiven and free of accusation? That’s the question, isn’t it?

Here’s another question: Can we be saved from sin but still enslaved to shame? Absolutely. Jesus removes the reason for shame; it’s up to us to walk away from the season of shame.

Salvation does not instantly inoculate anyone from feelings of shame, whether it is from something done to you or something you’ve done. But feelings don’t always line up with facts. We must decide to walk away from that shame place, regardless of what our feelings are telling us at the time.

Today’s Truth says, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame” (Psalm 34:5 NIV). That word “radiant” in the original text means “radiant with joy, to sparkle, to be cheerful.” I want to be sparkly, don’t you? I am so glad that Jesus endured the shame so that we don’t have to live under its cloud any longer.

Shame off me! Shame off you! Amen!

Dear Lord, thank You for enduring the shame to remove mine. Thank You that I never have to be ashamed of my past hurts or habits because You have forgiven me and washed away my sin. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What do you need to say to your shame today? If you’re ready to come out from the cloud of shame and believe you are completely forgiven once and for all, leave a comment and say, “I’m free!”

Learning to live free of shame is one of the ways that you can change the ending to your story. Learn how to get unstuck from condemning thoughts and become the radiant woman you were meant to be. Check out my book, When You Don’t Like Your Story: Your Worst Chapters Can Become Your Greatest Victories and begin the journey today!

 

 

 

 

 

© 2023 by Sharon Jaynes. All rights reserved.

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Comments 100

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    3. Thank you Jesus for a last being here for me. I’m almost 60 years old and my childhood still habits me daily but thankfully when I turn it over to Jesus, I feel peace.

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      You may have felt all alone at the time, but I hope you see that there were so many in the same situation. Praise God that He brought us out!

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    4. I’m trying but struggling. I also grew up in a home with all the yelling and arguing. I’m ashamed to say I live in a marriage that is not much different.
      Thank you for the encouraging message. One foot in front of the other and praying💕

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  8. Iam grateful for those who shares their gifts from coming thru their adversity because it is living water for others!
    Thank u so much May God Bless you abundantly for this blessing

    Gina M

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  9. Oh the shame I’ve carried growing up in a home similar to yours,Sharon. My shame was compounded after my mother had my father arrested for his abuse, only to have my elementary school teacher ask me about it in front of my classmates after it was published in the town newspaper. However, Jesus has shown me how to forgive my father for the abuse towards my mother and hiw he terrorized his children. I now walk free from that shame. I’m free!

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      I know the embarrassment. My dad became a Christian when I was in my 20’s. He had so much shame and regret. But now he’s in heaven and shame free!

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  10. I’m free. Freedom through Christ has been a consistent message to me these last weeks, in sermons, devotional messages, conversations with friends. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the freedom offered through your son and my precious savior, Jesus.

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    1. My story is a little different but the shame is the same – I was 19 when I got pregnant, waited 5 months before telling my mom and dad – i suffered with horrendous guilt for many years – accepting physical abuse from my husband as I believed I deserved it!
      Took me many years but eventually was able to forgive myself for being human-
      And YES Thanks be to God I eventually left my abuser!

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      2. I’m so glad you are free from that shame, I fell pregnant at 16 and knew that shame well praise God Jesus sets us FREE from that

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  12. I’m Free! I suffered at home as you did listening to fighting, drinking, black eyes and drunken stink in the house. When I turned 18 i immediately moved out. Got married and after 34 years of marriage left my abusive alcoholic husband. I can go on and on but yes I’m Free and feel no shame.

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  23. I am forgiven, but sadly I’m still struggling to walk away. I’m trying to find a way to forgive myself from some of my actions and words from the past. It’s hard because my marriage is broken from our past. I’m praying to the almighty God to show me how to forgive myself. I’m also praying for the healing and restoration of my marriage and my family to be united again under one roof.

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      I really think When You Don’t Like Your Story would help. It walks you through the process of healing and forgiving yourself.

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  24. Carolyn

    I grew up in a loving home. My grandfather was an alcoholic and my mother passed her shame down to me. Thank you for helping me understand. I’m free! Praise Jesus!!!!!!

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  28. Really enjoyed reading this . I find myself always thinking of the terrible things I did and I’ve apologized to my daughters all the time . They tell me they’ve forgiven me . However sometimes I will remember an incident of the past and still feel so ashamed.

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      I know what you mean. But you know what, the past is just part of their story that God will use in their lives. I bet you’re a different person now!

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  30. I so look forward to a tea time with you in heaven one day, Sharon!! 💓 My heart would love to visit & share with yours! I know it’s not possible here but one day…we will!! I love how you share your heart, how you are down to earth & real & share Jesus love! Blessings.

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  31. I also grew up in a house like yours. Now I’m a 75-year old great grandma…
    Today my chains are gone; I’m free!!

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  33. I needed to hear this message. Praise God for the deliverance. I am in a situation where I hurt someone by my actions but it was not my intent and I had no idea that my actions would hurt them. Even after apologizing they have opted to leave our church. I struggled with the idea that my actions would cause someone to disconnect from our ministry. Oh but I serve a God that says I do not have to carry the shame for I have repented to them and God and he has made me whole.

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  38. I’m FREE from all the shame I went through as the scape goat in my family. I am the white sheep in a black family God told me. Thank you so much for empowering women through your story love reading your emails, may God continue to bless you

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  42. Father God, set me free from the negative memories of my past sins.
    In Jesus’ name I declare by faith that I am free.

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  50. My Healing Journey….. John 8:36 “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
    Praising the Lord Jesus for His finished work on the cross.
    I am truly forgiven and set free,

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  51. My shame dosent go away. It’s there almost every day. I believe that I am clean,but I don’t feel that way. Tell me how that can be accomplished. I’ve asked Jesus to take away the memory but….I think I will add to my daily prayers that all who are like me will forget their shame and I hope you great sisters will do the same. Love Jan

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      Every time you feel guilt or shame for what God has forgiven you for, begin praising him that he’s forgiven you. Over and over. Sing a little. Dance if you dare. Thank him you must.

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  53. I still hold memories of shame that nip at my soul. I know I am forgiven by the Grace of God.. I’ve made mistakes and I thank God that I am forgiven. I was baptized in the ocean on August 29, 2010. A day I celebrate every year. I sm free!

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  54. I grew up in that house, too. The shame of my father staggering passed my bus top to go buy more alcohol with kids shouting “ there’s for dad”, as I turned my back and wished the earth would swallow me, drunkenly chasing my brother around the yard to fight him as the neighbors gathered, locking our bedrooms doors and praying for him to pass out and not break the door jambs again to get to us, and on and on and on. That frenetic upbringing left me ungrounded and led to poor choices that I am not proud of. I’ve asked repeatedly for forgiveness, but maybe it occurs to me that I haven’t fully accepted it as I still carry the shame. So today…I am free!

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      Oh friend. Here’s the thing. We only have to ask for forgiveness once. Then when we feel the shame we can say “God, thank you for forgiving me for that!”

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  55. I used to live in shame because my family was dysfunctional even though we were brought up knowing and fearing God. I used to wonder how better other families are compared to mine. But as I grew up I learned to love and appreciate my family. Then I became a Christian and grew spiritually mature. I don’t feel shame like before. I am free!

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  62. I am free according to his word. And your beautiful words sharon thankyou. Just realized I’m holding shame about taking medications at the moment and I’m sure after reading this the Lord doesn’t want this for me. Amen

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