“All the ways of the LORD are lovingand faithful” (Psalm 25:10 NIV).
Friend to Friend
Sometimes when I gaze at the Jaynes family portraits of three smiling faces, I can almost see a shadow of a fourth. For there are four of us and one day – our picture will be complete.
“Steve, can you meet me for lunch? I have a little surprise I want to give to you.”
I was so excited to share this unexpected news with my husband that I called him at the office and asked him to meet me at our favorite spot for lunch. After five years of struggling with infertility, we had become content with the realization that it must be the Lord’s desire for our son, Steven, to be raised as an only child. It appeared that he would not have a brother or sister.
And now this surprise. At lunch, as Steve plucked the bow from the tiny package and nestled among the tissue paper hid a small gingham baby pillow. “Does this mean what I think it means?” he asked with tears forming in his eyes.
With a lump in my throat, all I could manage was a nod that said, “Yes, I’m pregnant.”
After many years of trying to conceive, the Lord had blessed us with this unexpected pregnancy. I began planning the nursery, the doctor confirmed that the baby was growing, and we were about the happiest couple on earth. But our elation collapsed when a few months later the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and my heart was crushed with sadness and despair. For those of us who believe that life begins at conception, a miscarriage can be devastating, because it is not simply the loss of a child who is to be; it is the loss of a child who is.
This was a tidal wave and it hit me broadside. I wish I could tell you I got out my Bible and began reciting the verses about my new identity. I wish I could tell you that I said, “All things work together for good” and kept my chin up. I wish I could tell you that I went into a time of prayer, trusting that “Father knows best.” I did not. I went to bed and mourned for three months. I avoided church and happy people, my prayers felt empty and rote, and I allowed the tidal wave of pain to swallow my hope. Why? I listened to the lies of Satan. “I told you so,” he taunted.
While I was too weak to pray, Jesus prayed for me (Hebrews 6:20).
One summer night, three months after the miscarriage, as I lay on my bed, crying, praying, and crying again, I wondered, What is my child doing in heaven? What does she look like? If only I could see a glimpse of her face or have one conversation with her. With a miscarriage there is no funeral – there are no sympathy cards. I needed some kind of closure to this grief. Then Almighty God Himself reached down and gave me a precious gift. Just as clearly as if I were reading words on a printed page, a letter was spoken to my heart. When the words stopped coming, I jumped up and wrote each precious gift on paper.
I asked Jesus if it would be all right for me to write you a letter. He said it would be OK.
First of all, I want to thank you for loving me and giving me life. I remember how happy you and daddy were when you found out that you were going to have me. I remember how you prayed that I would come to know Christ at an early age. I remember how you prayed that I would have a mission in life to help others.
Mom, I know that you and dad were sad when God decided to take me to heaven before I was born. I saw the tears that you cried. But Mom, what I wanted to tell you is this: Your prayers were answered. I am healthy. I am strong. I do know Christ, and He lets me sit on His lap every day. And mom, I do have a mission. Everyday new babies come to heaven who were never born. Many of them never knew the love of a mother or father. When they come to heaven, they always ask the same question; ‘Baby Jaynes, tell me, what was it like to have the love of a mother?’ And I can tell them. Oh, how I can tell them.
Thank you, mom, for loving me. I know you miss me. But one day we will be together and what a time we will have. Until then, imagine me happy and whole, playing at the feet of Jesus, and telling other babies about what it feels like to have a mommy that loves them.
See you soon, Baby Jaynes
What a precious gift the Lord had given me. The time ofmourning had passed. I now had a picture of my child playing at the feet of Jesus! I still have days when I long for this child. Some days when I look at portraits of the Jaynes threesome adorning our family room walls, I almost see a fourth shadow in the sunlight. But there will come a day when my little girl will not be a mere shadow. I will hold her in my arms. Until then, it gives me great comfort picturing her healthy and whole and being held lovingly in the arms of Jesus.
During those months, I had a friend who used to sing me these words from a song titled “Trust His heart” by Eddie Carswell and Babbie Mason.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you can’t understand
When you don’t see His plan.
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart.
Faith. It is believing God no matter what our eyes and emotions tell us. It is not enough just to know the words in our heads; we must believe them in our hearts. Faith is trusting God in the dark.
Dear Heavenly Father, I trust You because You are trustworthy. You never change. You always tell the truth. You always want what is best for me. You always have my best interest in mind. So even though I may not understand Your ways, I trust Your heart – and that gives me a peace that passes all understanding.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Now It’s Your Turn
Job – now there was a man caught in a terrible storm. He had no idea what had hit him! And while his friends tried to come up with all kinds of reasons his life was falling apart, they had no idea.
Today, I want you to read God’s response to Job. It’s long, but buckle up. You’re about to get an earful. Read Job 38-41.
Now, what was Job’s response to God? Job 42:1-6.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s devotion. Visit to share what’s on your heart.